What would you think of someone acting like this?

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What would you think of someone who does the following:

• Is rude to people in public, such as staff for getting orders wrong, or staff in call centres who can't do what you need them to do.

• Unpredictable moods. One minute they are happy and the next they are angry over something very small.

• Occasionally breaks things in the home if they are annoyed. They may punch a wall or throw things but not aimed at people.

• Gets angry at other people for behaving in a way that they themselves do on a regular basis.

• Aggressive when driving but don't like it when others are aggressive to them.

• Very particular about how things have to be at home, such as where things go or how to do things.

• Blames everyone else for their own mistakes or blames it on their childhood.

• Shows signs of jealousy if their partner goes out with friends

But then when they are in public they are friendly, polite and charming. And can also be friendly and charming at home, but not very often.

Thanks for all your replies you are all right (obviously)

I spoke to him about my concerns. He has said I'm expecting him to behave faultlessly 24/7 and that it's an unrealistic expectation of any person. He doesn't expect me to be perfect and I shouldn't either. Everyone makes mistakes at some point. No relationship is perfect and our issues can be easily sorted. He's suggested going to counselling.

Apparently I only focus on bad things rather than noticing the good. For example, we had a nice day recently but at one point in the day he smashed an ornament because he got angry the tv wasn't working. I shouldn't let that ruin our whole day.

It's a human right to have thoughts and feelings, and I'm not allowing him to have emotions.

It's unbelievable isn't it?

Hard to believe you are still with someone with the red flags waving at you so madly.

Seriously OP, my DH has never smashed something in anger in all the 25 years I've known him. Whereas for your DP that counts as a good day!!!

What are your obstacles to leaving?

He's suggested going to counselling.

Never go for counselling with an abuser. He will manipulate the counsellor as well as you, unless the counsellor is an expert in abusive relationships and they will see through him. Whether you go for counselling or not, the end result will be the same - you will have probably bared your soul which will give him further ammunition to use against you whenever it suits him, and he will carry on doing what works for him.

Apparently I only focus on bad things rather than noticing the good.

Yes, your fault. Of course.

For example, we had a nice day recently but at one point in the day he smashed an ornament because he got angry the tv wasn't working. I shouldn't let that ruin our whole day.

No, you should have let it ruin YOUR whole day. His day went as he wanted it to.

It's a human right to have thoughts and feelings, and I'm not allowing him to have emotions.

Your fault again.

It's unbelievable isn't it?

Not to those of us who have or are experiencing it.

You will never win with him, by which I mean your relationship will always go his way, you will dance to his tune. Please be careful what you share with him, he'll use anything to hurt you, probably when you're least expecting it.

Have also never smashed anything in anger in my life. I can't say I ever would really. But especially around someone else physically weaker though - as that would be scary for them. Which is probably why he does ìt. To intimidate you. It's just completely unacceptable behaviour.

Out of curiosity, was it an ornament YOU had bought? Cant claim that shit is a 'loss of control'when its only ever things that matter to you that they break.

Either way, donr waste anymore time trying to understand this monster. Just work towards getting free ASAP. Stop discussing his behaviour with him, you are only putting yourself in the path of more gaslighting and bullshit.

Don't go to therapy with an abuser. Get free and then consider therapy for yourself to help you process things, once out.

Wow I think my partner is a bit like this too... and yes to the using anything to hurt you. Throwing back really personal stuff in an argument as a form of 'attack'...

Was the ornament yours?

With his habit of breaking things in anger, whose stuff gets broken most?