Eye contact

[DallasWinston]

Or are we just happening to be looking at each other the same time by coincidence? See him a few times a week , we are friends and colleagues all fine, but then there is occasionally in passing, this awkward eye meet silence thing going on.

Do you like him? Sounds like you like each other to me

Yes, i do. Not sure what he is thinking.

Most likely a mutual attraction.

Hope so!

Are there any other signs as eye contact can be deceptive and sometimes not what people want it to be.

@hiveoftheskive hmm. I have caught him looking at my mouth but , only the once. He also looked at my chest area, but again only the one time i saw him do that. I saw him look at my bum a few weeks ago in a reflective door we were going through where he opened it, and let me go first. I don't know. He can be very professional in the day but, sometimes we make this eye contact and it is so private an
intense. He holds doors open for me , if we cross paths.. which i love.

I thought I would chime in here as a bloke. He most likely is admiring you, but feels a bit awkward inside to make the first move. The fact he's looking at you means he's probably thinking about it and is hesitating. Even if he is already in a relationship, it's normal for men to fin other women attractive and imagine relationship situations. In a work situation, he may like the idea of dating you, but may not be comfortable dating a work colleague. One of the reasons men stay single is because they are simply too shy to make the first move and may be worried if they do, the woman may reject them.

On the flip side, he may be looking at you simply because he trying to read you.

That’s interesting. Thanks for sharing that.

When you say “he might be trying to read you”, what do you mean by that?

At work, there will be colleagues I only know by name and just only meet them to collect stuff and that's it. However, with that little time I have with them, I look at them, sometimes in the eyes just to ready what they person might me like or simply watch their reaction to assess how they react to me. almost as if I am seeking validation. Although I don't get to know them on a personal level, I imagine/guess what they are like and may find I'm completely wrong when I get to know them personally outside work.

I'm afraid you might have to make the first move because men are absolutely useless. Just pretend you need help with something like finding out their managers email address and use that as an opportunity to make small talk.

I make very good eye contact but mainly when I'm thinking about something else when someone is talking at me and I glaze over. I also glance at body parts of both sexes usually for such spurious reasons as I like the fit of trousers over the hips or there's a loose tag hanging from the front of their jumper. If I pass someone in the office that I know but I'm in the middle of thinking about work I will make eye contact but not say anything. If I'm in a place where there's ambient noise, I will look at a person's mouth to semi lip-read as I cannot hear them properly. I hold doors open all the time, sometimes to my detriment I have to say as the buggers sometimes don't say thank you.
Could be me in your scenario.
Then again, might be romantic interest.

Does he touch his hair? Definitely means he wants you. If not then I'm not sure.

What if he's bald?

Oooh, it sounds like he might be interested OP.

Try not to read too much into the chivalrous behaviour though - he might hold doors open for everyone.

If he’s a work colleague it could be a bit more tricky as some people don’t/won’t date people they work with (can be super awkward afterwards if things don’t work out) but that wouldn’t stop him being interested. It might stop him acting on it though.

It’s clearly not a negative vibe you’re getting or feeling so whatever it is, enjoy.

If he's looking at you a lot it's fair to assume he likes your appearance.

He may like lots of women's appearance and be quite unsubtle about it.

He may specifically find you very attractive but not be willing to progress for infinite reasons; work complications, not single etc.

Or he may be interested in progressing along but hasn't had the opportunity.

I'd do some flirting and see what happens. If nothing happens so what.

Saw him again today. He was at one end of a very very long corridor and i was at the other. He was stationary as doing something. I spotted him and he me. As i walked towards , in his direction ( i was going that way to get to another office) he looked up and we looked at each other the whole time i was walking up. It was probably about 120ft or more corridor. As i we got closer i made small chit chat type stuff and he responded but he never took his eyes off me once the whole length of the corridor or , me him. I am so nervous, took everything i had to keep looking in his gorgeous eyes.

@Cabdiraxman thank you. Helpful to get a mans view. You said something interesting " it's normal for men to fin other women attractive and imagine relationship situations". What do you mean by situations? Is it like we are in bed situations or, we are having a lovely romantic walk in the park situations ? I don't know why but i just sense he may have had the first. I have seen him look at my mouth but , only the once that i have seen. I was talking to a colleague a few weeks ago and he was present to and i noticed him staring /fixated at my face. It made me unsettled for the rest of the day but only because i wondered was he inspecting me to see if he thought i was as attractive as thinks/ thought. My issue i know but i thought god, what if he thinks I am not that attractive after all . We have eye contact since so i have ruled that out now.

Because we work together and i have zero confidence i will never tell him how i feel. I have thought about ramping up the flirting . It is so difficult to flirt now for fear of coming across as inappropriate or getting it wrong. I am fairly sure the next time i see him alone i am going to flirt but I have no idea what is subtle enough to plant that seed in his head and what is oh god, awks territory and now we still have to work together. I am old enough to know when two people fancy each other, never been wrong before and i just feel this with him. I also suspect his direct colleague has sussed something, just by the way he looks at us and smirks. Part of me is wondering is he giving others the eye. That is what stops me, I do not want to look a fool. If i did not work with him , i would be more brave for sure!

I see women I think look nice or attractive all the time, but I know my boundaries. When I look, I do it discreetly. The fact the he is making it obvious that he is looking at you means he is brave enough to face you and is expecting the both of you to communicate verbally. But if both of you feel shy and awkward about making the first move, then it could be checkmate. It seems you two like each other, but just need to create an opportunity to socialize. I don't date work colleagues because I like to keep work professional and keep that reputation. If you two do end up dating, may keep it private because it can affect your professional career e.g other colleagues making comments/changes your manager's view of you and if the relationship goes wrong....

Thank you @Cabdiraxman . He was and has been very discreet when looking at me, us women see discreet. Women are always very hyper vigilant. I do not doubt for one minute that he did those things in , the full knowledge that i would not clock.

I will somehow up my flirting game next time we are alone. I am fairly sure he knows as i have locked eyes with him the same number of times he has locked with me. Somehow i need to find the courage to make it more obvious to him. I only have 2 days of term left! I am not sure i will drag this in to 2023.

Next time you lock eyes, while he’s maintaining eye contact maybe look down to his groin then back up to his eyes.

Though if this is at work, maybe be careful about taking that advice. Don’t want to be responsible for any workplace sexual harassment.

I think you’re right, we definitely can tell when there’s a mutual attraction. Perhaps he is holding back because you work together (is that correct?). I know a lot of people, myself included, like to keep personal and private seperate. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t ramped things up? Good luck!

"@Aussiegirl123456 Next time you lock eyes, while he’s maintaining eye contact maybe look down to his groin then back up to his eyes".

Oh my, i could never be brave enough to do that! I have checked him out though.. looked at his neck and chest... when he wasn't looking! He also has gorgeous arms that i happened to notice training day last term .

Just keep eye contacting and smiling and saying hi. Excited for you!

Haven't seen him for the last 2 days!! So, no flirting opportunities! Just so very busy stuck in my office. When i did finally get out , he was not around. Won't see him now until next term by which time , he will probably have forgotten all about me over the xmas break. Nothing like an 18 day clear break to dampen the fires and lose interest. I could kick myself really i could. Should have taken my opportunities when they were there but, too shy to. So many opportunities, even earlier this week, we were alone leaving work and he was looking at me, really looking at me and i basically said have a good eve and got in my car. 🤦‍♀️

You don't need to flirt. If you want to go out with him then say 'you know I quite enjoy your company. How do you fancy grabbing some food after work some time?'. Simple.

No need to spend ages picking apart someone's feelings like a schoolgirl. You're an adult. Just ask him out.

But side note, be wary of 'intense'. Intense early on is never good. Well, unless you're just looking for a fling. But it'd be wise to avoid anything intense in the workplace.

" @ Pinkbonbon If you want to go out with him then say 'you know I quite enjoy your company. How do you fancy grabbing some food after work some time?". "Simple".

Not that "simple" for me! Plus, we work together and in a school. I have to navigate all kinds of minefields. He will have to do it ultimately but, he is probably navigating similar minefields. In a day and age where you are, ( rightfully), mindful of everything you say and do. It is not that easy to flirt or lay cards in table in this situation.

Do you know if he is single? Because if he was definitely against dating coworkers he would have nipped his attraction in the bud and stopped staring at you so obviously. You said you think he only stared thinking you wouldn't notice, that was true of when he looked at you in the reflection of a door or when he stole glances here and there but to stare at you walking down he hall is deliberate. He wanted to see you seeing him. He looked to see if you were looking at him, too and he wanted to read your reaction to understand from your eyes if you were interested or what. He was also making himself available and open for you to talk and approach him.
I think guys have a harder time at approaching in work because of he risk of being accused of harassment. I think you will have to talk to him more. See if he still checks you out when he returns. If he blanks you or is cold after the holiday then he moved on but if his eye contact is still intense I would stop and talk about his holiday and new year.

I think the staring thing, sexy as it is, gets very frustrating and you end up building a fantasy about who they are and what they might be like.. it's best to get to know him as a person. You have work in common, already lots of excuses to chat.

But you're not choosing not to flìrt with him because its in the workplace. So what's the difference? If you want to date him, date him.

Either you are into him or you aren't. And your willi to date someone at work or your aren't.
If he isn't, he'll turn a date down and that's be that. Its not a big deal. And yes it is really that simple.