Awakes money situation how to address

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Wasn't sure whether to post this in Money or Relaitonships but I'll try here first.

Got myself in a bit of an awkward situation and not sure of the best way to tackle it.

DP and I live together. It's my house (I owned it before we met).

As it stands all bills etc are in my name as they already were. We pay costs 50/50 including mortgage even though it's my house (we didn't do this right away) and it's been a choice of theirs. We both have children who live here for at least 50% of the time, so it's a home by all accounts.

However, I work fully time, DP is sept employed. Covid threw up some issues as they couldn't work etc, all fine, is what it is.

However we go through periods some times where they are earning less. This means I am left paying all the bills and asking for their 50% which I hate, some months I don't get the full 50% but it's never really discussed despite me bringing it up, it's left at 'I'll sort it' but then it doesn't happen. I am keeping a note of what I'm owed.

This situation won't always go on for long though, and being in contracts etc for things and things just need paying I don't really know what I can do about it.

DP pays for some other bits through work which are supposed to be a 'bonus' this isn't factored into the 50% and I am grateful for this is but don't want to get into this offsetting the money as the things he gets are more expensive than I'd spend cash if that makes sense. E.g. he gets a gold watch and is normally just buy silver (not the actual things but a comparison) again this has been done on a basis that he wants to. I've always said I'm happy to buy the things myself and he can have all of the stuff through work.

It means some months I'm left paying more than the 50% and i simply don't have the money.

It's all a bit complicated as our finances are pretty separate, he has arrangements with his ex that I don't get involved in and me with mine etc. but that also makes me feel a bit annoyed as for all I know he could be sending money all over the shop and leaving me short and I'd have no idea.

I don't know what the solution is here. I considered setting up a bank acct just for bills and paying in my 50% but I don't really want a joint acct, and if he doesn't have the money to put in, it would go overdrawn and end up affecting my credit which I don't want either! Feel like I'm in a no win situation.

What would you do?

Giving the OP money that she applies to her mortgage is no different than giving money to a landlord which he then uses to pay his mortgage. In many instances what you are paying in rent is greater than his mortgage, so in essence you are paying his mortgage in full. In that case, you would never expect to be earning an equity position in your landlord's property.

The easiest solution is for the OP to have him move out. They can then be fully responsible for their own expenses, and can be together while living apart. In reality they are probably both benefiting from this arrangement, but will only realize that when the are having to cover 100% of their living expenses.

The cleanest arrangement is to look at the total cost and to expect each person to pay 50%. It should not matter what each of them earns. What matters is the total cost. If one party cannot pay 50% , then the question should be do they need a reduced or different life style? Neither party should have to subsidize the other, and neither should expect or be expected to live above their means.

But @Mari9999 the OP isn’t a landlord and in this very situation the OP’s partner absolutely can obtain a beneficial interest in her property. Another poster has confirmed the very same thing happened to her.

OP you're subsidising his family commitments whilst you scrimp. You need hard cash to pay bills not occasional treats. Why on earth would you share your home with this guy?
I'm glad you're seeing the light. Do you actually love him? He's not showing a good trait.

Eyerollcentral, then it means that the OP should act promptly to have him move out if her home. They probably have not lived together long enough for him to be able to make any credible claim for an equity position in her home.

That entirely depends on the what was said between the parties and given that the OP has said that were intending to become joint mortgagees of the property seems fairly easy to infer there was an intention to create a beneficial interest in the property for her partner. Whether that argument would be successful depends on a number of variables and the OP asking him to leave now does not automatically defeat his potential claim. The OP needs to clarify the position now to safeguard her position. He will likely need to sign a waiver of his beneficial interest when the OP remortgages anyway as he lives there. Banks make you sign that because non mortgagees living in the property have successfully obtained a share of properties or prevented repossession in the past

I’d expect him to do what most self employed people with a variable income do and not spaff money on a good month, put it away to cover future expenses during a crap month.

He wouldn’t have the option to not pay his bills if he lived alone ffs. I’d tell him to cough up, get a grip of his finances or move out.

The bottom line as I read it is that financially it suits him and his ex to not divorce and sell the house and split the proceeds.

They can't afford two homes so it makes sense for them to keep the joint asset going as a home for their children.

He has looked around and found the lovely OP and moved in.

By far the most cost effective move for him.
No bills in his name, he gives her money here and there as it suits him and his primary family remain in the marital home warm and secure.

His absolute priority is his Ex and children and the OP and her children are colateral damage.

I really hope the OP can grasp that divorcing is only complicated for him because he is protecting his wife and children and their home.

I can understand it from his point of view, his childrens home and comfort is HIS priority.

If the OP is happy to be the sole carrier of all responsibilities and let him away with spending £400 whilst she balances her money carefully, well that is on her and her stupidity.

He's absolutely got it made in this scenario whilst the OP worries away.

I bet his ex is delighted that he found someone so gullible so that she and her children continue to be comfortable and prioritised by him.

I'm sure he likes you OP, you sound like a very nice woman, but lord you are being absolutely used as a very convenient home for him, his children and his wife.

If your children are your priority you will tell him you want all monies owed to you and he needs to move out and you both live separately as he and his family are taking money from YOUR children.

The spending £400 on a birthday for his child whilst not paying his keep is EXACTLY who he is.

A user and a loser.

But his family no doubt love you putting them and their parties ahead of your own children.

I have no wish to be harsh or unkind, I just want it spelt out very clearly how things are.

Oh and expect him to NOT want to leave this cushy number he has created in YOUR home at your childrens cost.