I could use some help (about dating) and getting to know the guy before sex.

[AmITooTired]

Sorry about the akward title.

I search other threads about this but they weren’t very helpful.

So my problem, I don’t personally like hook-up’s on no strings attached kind of things.
I want to know, trust and like the person before anything physical.

As you can guess, that is a tall order these days.

Now the other threads I looked about waiting were older post that were mostly just saying women can have sex on a first day etc, but since these days the pendulum has swung to the opposite direction and now there is a huge pressure to have sex as soon as possible, how does one navigate this?

Sorry to butt in here, but I just thought the question as so strange!😅

Like it needs a huge trauma or god to not hop in the sack immediately!

Anyway, thank you for letting me know there are men like that out there.

Instead I'm pursuing what I love in as many shapes and forms as I can and if a man turns up great, but I don't expect one to.

This is the way go in my opinion too.
It just has taken so long now, I’ve started to wonder a bit…

It's weird you know. I have this longing for a relationship but why? Since he has gone I spend my time as I like and my home is my sanctuary instead of being a bed of chores.

A man would mess this all up. So why do I want one? Very frustrating. I have found this podcast good actually, oh and by the way, spend time with women! It's not just that they have divorced cousins and brothers, but if you focus on friendship I just think it's a good way to go because if you never do find a man you will be left with great friendships.

petermcgraw.org/podcasts/solo/

That can happen after date one, two, three or whatever but it’s pretty unusual that a man will invest lots of time, energy and money just for sex. Far less unusual is men ghosting after sex that’s happened in the first month of dating. There are also several other weeding out tools with the rules that give you a good indication of whether he’s sincere or not like introducing you to his family and friends etc. Nothing is full proof but it is a good way of dating if you’re not that confident or have been hurt in the past. Certainly better than plunging in and going home with every guy who offers to split a Nando’s with you 😂

@tabbysarerude

Are you sure that you actually, actually, want a relationship?

Oddly enough I spent years in a I want to be single and free, but at the same time really wanted deep love and companion.
I always knew part of it was just societal pressure, but there was another longing there too….
I went to theraphy at one point and it help me deal with lot of stuff.
And I learned to give myself that love and acceptance I was waiting for someone else to give me.
And to deal with fears of future and being totally alone.

Sorry for the ramble and if I missed what you’re feeling completely.
I hope you’ll figure it out eventually.

I’m the same and I personally have found any one night things quite degrading and don’t make me feel good about myself. I don’t think you have to have sex too soon. My colleague is OLD and she waited 5 dates with her recent date. I’ve just started dating someone I used to work with so I already know him and so far we have had 2 dates and one snog! Next week I’m going to his house and probably will end up having sex with him because our dates are only every 2wks at the minute as he’s a full time dad. Hopefully in the new year we can see each other at least once a week.

My friend said I should have a 5 date rule but I am quite happy (infact very happy) to have sex with him next week, it will be our first time in private together and I don’t think the sexual tension can wait until after Christmas! I genuinely don’t think he will suddenly lose interest after I sleep with him but if he does he does, I’m over 45, he’s a few years older, I think we can cut the games and given we know each other already I think that accounts for a good few dates anyway if I didn’t know him at all. I’d definitely be way way more wary if I didn’t know him at all. In fact I’d struggle to date a stranger which is why I’ve been single for so long.