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Original poster

Do you know anybody formally diagnosed with ASPD (psychopathy)

36 replies

Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 19:31

I was reading an AMA thread a while ago that got deleted for being sus, but it got me to thinking about a bloke I once dated who had this diagnosis (given to him after assessment in prison)

Long story short, he was an enormous PITA and manipulator. Toxic as hell. Luckily i wasnt interested in anything serious. I didn't give him my address, let him meet my family etc. I got shot within 8 weeks or so.

He's in prison again now, unsurprisingly.

Does anybody else know anybody with this diagnosis? Is it possible to have anything resembling a normal relationship with them? Not just romantic but siblings, parents, friends etc.

OP posts:
littlehouselights · 10/12/2022 19:32

You can't have a normal relationship with a psychopath.

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 19:35

littlehouselights · 10/12/2022 19:32

You can't have a normal relationship with a psychopath.

That's what I'm suspecting.

The whole basis of any relationship they have is to seek out vulnerabilities, manipulate, uncover things to use against you later. Some people are lumbered with them for parents, devastating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 19:37

The one I knew, on our first date he asked me "what's the one thing somebody could say to you that would hurt you the most?"

How insane is that.

OP posts:
NippyWoowoo · 10/12/2022 19:45

Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 19:37

The one I knew, on our first date he asked me "what's the one thing somebody could say to you that would hurt you the most?"

How insane is that.

...did you have more than one date with him? When did you find out about his diagnosis/prison stint?

LindorDoubleChoc · 10/12/2022 19:53

I think it's a rare diagnosis and not many people will knowingly have encountered someone with it. I certainly haven't.

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 19:58

NippyWoowoo · 10/12/2022 19:45

...did you have more than one date with him? When did you find out about his diagnosis/prison stint?

Show quote history

It's all a bit strange and embarrassing in hindsight.

So I saw him on a podcast and he came across really well, reformed character who hasn't committed a crime in around 15 years. Does alot of good in the world and helps people. Think helping the homeless, advocating for vulnerable prisoners with disabilities, helping their families etc.

I followed him on Instagram, he followed back and got in touch. We chatted.

I knew he'd been in prison from podcast but it seemed like so long ago it was no longer all that important. People deserve a second chance at life and all that. No crimes against women or children.

I found out about the diagnosis after 3 or 4 dates and started to distance myself from then. The mask slipped very early on and it became obvious he was a really sinister person.

He had to inform his probation officer of any romantic relationships he was having so had to give them my details (conditions of IPP licence) and I got a call from the P.O when I was in the process of fading him out which confirmed It was the right thing to do.

OP posts:
TabithaTittlemouse · 10/12/2022 20:06

I’ve met two due to my work. They don’t tend to do well in relationships (understatement).

Alcemeg · 10/12/2022 20:08

Sorry OP but I read this literally

I got shot within 8 weeks or so

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 20:14

Alcemeg · 10/12/2022 20:08

Sorry OP but I read this literally

I got shot within 8 weeks or so

Oh dear 😂

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 10/12/2022 20:21

Glad you're all right 😂

Msgrieves · 10/12/2022 20:29

I have met one. It took a long time before he started his bollocks on me, ditched him instantly when he did. Weird because we were not that bonded at all. Think he overestimated how much I liked him.

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 21:00

Msgrieves · 10/12/2022 20:29

I have met one. It took a long time before he started his bollocks on me, ditched him instantly when he did. Weird because we were not that bonded at all. Think he overestimated how much I liked him.

Indeed, very similar in my case.

I think he had me down as a soft touch, which I probably am in a sense, but only if I'm really invested in somebody - think longterm relationship or friendship of many years.

Not my proudest moment admitting this but I was only interested in having sex with him, nothing more.

OP posts:
Joannagorilla · 10/12/2022 21:21

This isn't what antisocial personality disorder is. Like most personality disorders, it usually stems from trauma and is a maladaptive coping strategy for a lot of people. Someone with a lot of aggression may not be able to recognise weakness in people but frequent fighting or physical violence could be due to poor impulse control, not being able to communicate their emotions, ultra sensitive fight or flight or threat system etc it very rarely is through an enjoyment of hurting others or causing pain.
There was a part in Russel Brands book where he talked about a lovely old man who loved his garden and let a young Russel tend to his flowers. Then one day Russel just trashed the whole garden. That could be viewed through the lens of psychopathy however it's much more likely to be a rejection of kindness and all that this might mean to an angry young man.

Usually with personality disorders there's a billion other factors at play.

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 21:54

Joannagorilla · 10/12/2022 21:21

This isn't what antisocial personality disorder is. Like most personality disorders, it usually stems from trauma and is a maladaptive coping strategy for a lot of people. Someone with a lot of aggression may not be able to recognise weakness in people but frequent fighting or physical violence could be due to poor impulse control, not being able to communicate their emotions, ultra sensitive fight or flight or threat system etc it very rarely is through an enjoyment of hurting others or causing pain.
There was a part in Russel Brands book where he talked about a lovely old man who loved his garden and let a young Russel tend to his flowers. Then one day Russel just trashed the whole garden. That could be viewed through the lens of psychopathy however it's much more likely to be a rejection of kindness and all that this might mean to an angry young man.

Usually with personality disorders there's a billion other factors at play.

I remember that part of the Russell Brand book.

ASPD by its nature is a personality disorder characterized by persistent disregard of the rights of other people, failure to comply with laws and social customs, and irresponsible and reckless behaviour, is it not?

I'm sure there are people with PD's who have suffered significant trauma and developed maladaptive coping mechanisms in response to that, BPD springs to mind, but ASPD is a whole other kettle of fish IMO. If its no longer recognised as sociopathy then my apologies for using incorrect terms (just realised I should've written sociopathy to begin with as opposed to psychopathy)

OP posts:
Ballcactus · 10/12/2022 21:58

I have through work. They couldnt stay out of prison for long.

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 21:58

Also, the guy I knew wasn't violent. He would be more likely to run away from a fight than start one. He was incredibly clever, cunning, calm and collected. Extraordinarily manipulative. He didn't need to go around hitting people, he could disarm you and screw you over in many ways without ever needing to resort to violence.

His probation officer said himself that he didn't think he is a physical threat to anybody, but most definitely a psychological and emotional one.

OP posts:
JessicaFletcherInvestigates · 10/12/2022 22:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the author

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 22:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the author

Oh wow, how is your relationship with your mother, If you don't mind talking about it ofc? Do you feel that you've ever been able to have a normal, loving relationship?

Or the other mother, does she seem like a good parent?

OP posts:
JessicaFletcherInvestigates · 10/12/2022 22:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the author

mindutopia · 10/12/2022 22:22

A child I worked with as a social worker 20 years ago was diagnosed with ASPD. I don’t think diagnosing children that young is even appropriate (any more?), but he was about 8. It was one of the most disconcerting experiences with a child I’ve ever had. I often wonder what happened to him. He’d be an adult now and I sure as hell wouldn’t want one of my daughters dating him.

monsteramunch · 10/12/2022 22:27

Do you have children OP? Not with him (obviously) but do you have children at all?

Original poster
Parkingmoan1 · 10/12/2022 22:43

I'm sorry Jessica that must have been so difficult to live with. I understand that some with BPD can mellow with age but didn't realise somebody with ASPD would too.

That's chilling mind - in what way was it disconcerting? If you didn't know about the diagnosis do you think you'd know something was definitely wrong with him?

I do have children Monster Yes. I had two at the point I knew this bloke, and three now. He never met my DC though, he was always kept at arms length and I didn't even give him our address. One of the things that raised a red flag for me, before i knew about the ASPD, was that he was pushing for me to introduce them after a few short weeks and expressed frustration at my boundaries.

OP posts:
user58202018484482910ugog19293843910 · 10/12/2022 22:49

I know of one person diagnosed.

Hawkins001 · 10/12/2022 22:54

Sometimes I wonder the mindset of a good friend, gives me biscuits, cakes ect as and when possible, yet other times basically tears my head off for eg late time keeping of around 5 mins,

Sometimes I never know if she truly cares about me so to speak, or wants to pickle me.

miceonabranch · 11/12/2022 07:34

My mother was a diagnosed one. She was extremely mentally abusive, enslaved me from age 12 until 25 when i finally managed to escape. Totally traumatised my life and I was no contact with her from then on. They're very frightening people.