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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I message or stay quiet

45 replies

NeverLearn12 · 09/12/2022 22:12

Hi all.

Back in October I matched with a guy on bumble and we got chatting etc. he was lovely.
we chatted for a about a week with no date planned. He went a bit hot and coke and we didn’t speak for several days.
In the meantime a guy from my past contacted me and we arranged to go for a drink.
low and behold the other guy messages. We speak a little bit and then I tell him I’m going to go for a drink with the other guy - honesty is the best policy and all that.
he goes mad blacks me etc.

Anyway I went on the date with the other guy and we decided to just be friends.
Fast forward to this week I decided to get back on bumble. I matched with the guy who blocked me.
we start talking and has messaged for 3/4 days and we arranged to go for a drink tonight.he was going to pick me up from mine.
he never showed up. I guess it was a payback for what I did to him.

is what I did that bad that I deserved this?
and also should I message him and say something or just stay quiet?

thanks

OP posts:
candycane10 · 09/12/2022 22:13

Depends what you'd message him and what the intention of messaging him would be.

I'd have zero interest in chatting to him or arranging another date so if it's to get his attention etc I wouldn't bother.

I'd probably not let him know I'm bothered tbh

GhostBridezilla · 09/12/2022 22:14

😂 why did you bother matching again?? The fact he went all weird in you before is a red flag.
block and move on.

ComeOnThenFanny · 09/12/2022 22:14

I'd message and apologise that I couldn't make it 😉

Original poster
NeverLearn12 · 09/12/2022 22:15

Hi.

i have no Interest in dating him now.
i would just ask him if that was the plan all along

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 09/12/2022 22:15

You were honest about the situation so you didn't do anything wrong. Move on and have no further communication. His behavior is a giant red flag, and I think you've dodged a bullet.

HellonHeels · 09/12/2022 22:15

What the hell? No, do not contact him. Can you block him on Bumble?

You didn't do anything wrong at all, but he did.

NoTimeforManiacs · 09/12/2022 22:17

Did you give him your address?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2022 22:17

He sounds like a fucking psycho. You didn't do a damn thing to him. It's alarming you started talking to him again after his first outburst.

Grimchmas · 09/12/2022 22:19

Block and move on, and don't rematch with anybody twatty enough to behave like that again in the future.

BCBird · 09/12/2022 22:20

No I would not message him.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/12/2022 22:22

He sounds a nutter. You did nothing wrong. Block. And maybe get a Ring Doorbell with video recording if he has your address..

candycane10 · 09/12/2022 22:26

NeverLearn12 · 09/12/2022 22:15

Hi.

i have no Interest in dating him now.
i would just ask him if that was the plan all along

What would this achieve tho? Other than giving him the satisfaction of knowing he has got to you

candycane10 · 09/12/2022 22:26

ComeOnThenFanny · 09/12/2022 22:14

I'd message and apologise that I couldn't make it 😉

I'd 100% do this

doitwithlove · 09/12/2022 22:27

Just move on, does it matter if that was his plan all along.

JoyBeorge · 09/12/2022 22:28

But what difference does it actually make to your life going forward knowing if that was the plan or not? It won't have stopped it happening. Just block and move on surely?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 09/12/2022 22:29

Don't block on bumble.
That would make it look like he's got to you.
He's a pathetic saddo.

gamerchick · 09/12/2022 22:31

Why would you ask, do you enjoy drama? He's shown you who he is right off the bat. A bloke who gets revenge for any perceived slight. Imagine dating the twat?

Just ignore him from now on. I wouldn't even bother blocking and don't give strangers your address in future.

RishisProudMum · 09/12/2022 22:33

NeverLearn12 · 09/12/2022 22:15

Hi.

i have no Interest in dating him now.
i would just ask him if that was the plan all along

What for?

FlamingJingleBells · 09/12/2022 22:48

Why did you give your address to a complete stranger off the Internet?

Meet dates at a busy public place like a restaurant or a bar.

Remember safety first.

Liveafr · 09/12/2022 22:48

It is a general rule of thumb that you don't stop going on dates unless it is getting serious with someone. When exactly is up to debate but you certainly can't be expected to be exclusive with someone if you haven't event been on a date with them, even if it is someone from your past. You didn't do anything wrong (except agreeing to speak to the guy again after he got mad about that).

Zanatdy · 09/12/2022 22:48

What an idiot. You hadn’t even been on a date so why on Earth couldn’t you go for a drink with someone else? Big red flag and well dodged if this is payback

b

Newbaby1234 · 09/12/2022 22:51

I wouldn't have given that guy my address TBH.
Just leave it, sounds like a nutter. Who goes mad about someone from a dating site going on another date, when you hadn't even met / gone hot and cold and weren't a couple. Crazy.

CatLick · 09/12/2022 22:51

Never wrestle a pig as you ll get messy and the pig will enjoy it. Just walk away.

Junejolie · 09/12/2022 22:56

Oh my goodness, why would you give some random person your address. That’s just absolutely unsafe. Especially if you say he had gone mad before, that’s crazy.

dolor · 09/12/2022 22:57

Run awaaaaaaaay