Question about FILs reaction to DH salary

[Janey878]

My FIL is very annoyed to find out his son (my DH) earns more money than he thought he did. DH not a massive earner but is middle management. We don't ask him for money, and he is retired and has enough to have a good lifestyle (and can afford increased living costs - although he hates them as he has always been frugal). Why would he be annoyed? I would be happy my DC were doing better than me - or is this a normal reaction?

Funny this wage competitiveness. I brought back a memory….

We were visiting my DW’s Aunt + Uncle.

Somehow we got onto wages and in particular her DS and DiL’s. (DW’s cousin and cousin in law)

She was quite put out that her DiL was paid more than her DS. Both professionals in upper retail management - in different large supermarket chains. An odd conversation, but DS always had sun shining out of his arse - according to his parents.

Some parents are really fucking odd.

My ex husband swings between being embarrassed that our ds went into an emergency service career and thrilled that ds won’t do better in life than he has and will never earn a fraction of what he does. He’s said that on so many occasions.

Fucked up beyond belief!

It's not wage competitiveness, it's envy, and envy of the the very people you should care about the most. Normal wage competitiveness wouldn't see you reacting like that to what is good news about your dc.

Well I would probably sit your mum down and just say “are you disappointed in how we turned out? No? Then how you raised us was fine”.

Your mum I think feels embarrassed more than anything that she’s not able to offer what your MIL does. It’s not about how she raised you it’s about how her own life has panned out.

She feels bad she can’t give you gifts but she gave you the gift of being independent adults. I think it’s helpful to pinpoint the actual feeling thats bothering her. If it’s embarrassment or shame then deal with those feelings, raising your kids well despite difficulties in your own circumstances is something to be proud of. Money is just material things you can be a bad parent or a good parent and provide gifts. Taking the time to raise your children with a work ethic or developing a good character only good parents do.

This is exactly how I would feel if my ds was successful and eclipsing my achievements.

which is why my mothers reaction was so strange to me at the time.

funny enough, I’ve just remembered that my abusive ex is the only one who said That I was wrong to say anything, that I’d shown her up… he was cut from same cloth though, clearly.

My in laws are similar.

They don't like the fact that we have a bigger house or newer car.

I can't get my head around it. I'd be proud of my kids if they were doing well!

My MIL is like this and is so passed off DH earns more than she ever did. To the point she is now being nasty with an inheritance (that's a long story). DH doesn't earn a huge amount he works in health care but she assumed both him and his brother would always be in awe of her.

Flipping heck that was a roller coaster.

I have a friend who has a very big job, global responsibilities, etc. and worked her backside off at school and uni to get herself there. She came from a poor background. She has a lovely mother who was a single mum working all the hours to help her, etc. She married a nice man, who is good at what he does, but his parents cannot cope with the fact that she's the earner. That their amazing house and lifestyle is down to her financial acumen. Her husband is lovely and supportive but his parents just struggle with the idea that their lifestyle is down to her. Some people are odd.