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Original poster

What would you think about this age gap?

38 replies

closingscore · 05/12/2022 17:11

My long divorced dm has announced she's seeing a man 20 years younger than her (he's only two years older than me, she is mid 70's)

Would you think "good for her!" Or would you assume he has ulterior motives (she is fairly well off, although not obviously so)

OP posts:
SkylightSkylight · 05/12/2022 17:14

I'd be thinking he was looking to take advantage of her.

Thehouseofmarvels · 05/12/2022 17:14

Does she own her own home ?

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 05/12/2022 17:15

Yes I’d be worried, men in their mid fifties seldom go after women in their 7os, I’d be concerned he had issues or was trying to take advantage of her

Justmuddlingalong · 05/12/2022 17:16

I would have my suspicions about his motives, but in reality, I'd know that there's nothing I could do about it.

Original poster
closingscore · 05/12/2022 17:22

Thehouseofmarvels · 05/12/2022 17:14

Does she own her own home ?

Yes she does (only a small apartment). But according to her, so does he. The trouble is she has no way of checking this out, she just seems to believe everything he tells her (it may all be true, I'm just a cynic)

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 05/12/2022 17:24

I'd be a little suspicious about him, to be honest. Not saying there are no genuine relationships with this age gap, but it's a weird choice for a man to make without ulterior motives

CrinchyGrinchy · 05/12/2022 17:28

Nope. This would be a red flag for me. I've seen and know of a few men in their 50's who are dating or married to women in their 30's. I feel like they think they've hit the jackpot and enjoy being seen with them. I just can't see a man in his 50's wanting to date someone who's in their 70's - and doesn't have a whole lot of time left relatively speaking. Unless that's their plan......

Quitelikeit · 05/12/2022 17:37

Well some men do like older women - much more likely to be the case if they have no mother or a very troubled relationship with their mother

if course I’m generalising a bit but from my experience that’s what I’ve observed - same the opposite way, younger girls going for much older men all have very poor relationships with their fathers

EasilyDistractable · 05/12/2022 17:54

The oldest age gap relationship that I know of in that configuration is a woman 11 yrs older, and her husband was a highly successful, high earning professional. They met when in their 20s/30s.

PearlclutchersInc · 05/12/2022 17:57

I'd be very wary and be keeping my eye on her, just in case.

Rosie22xx · 05/12/2022 18:00

closingscore · 05/12/2022 17:22

Yes she does (only a small apartment). But according to her, so does he. The trouble is she has no way of checking this out, she just seems to believe everything he tells her (it may all be true, I'm just a cynic)

Show quote history

If based in the UK and she knows his address you can just order the title deeds for the address online, fee around £3 to see who owns the property. He would never know she did that.

Original poster
closingscore · 05/12/2022 18:01

I don't know what he does for a job but she says it's a manual job and he works long hours. He doesn't have an online profile so I can't find out much about him other than an old news article referring to him. She said herself that she doesn't know what he sees in her but has decided to just enjoy herself 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
rippleraspberry · 05/12/2022 18:09

Is your mum particularly vulnerable to being exploited/ taken advantage of?

Based purely on the info you've given I wouldn't assume anything. Some people do have large age gaps and I've seen more than 20 years work fine.

It depends on the people involved and it sounds like you haven't met him yet, so I'm wondering if there's something about your mum in particular that is making you concerned?

Original poster
closingscore · 05/12/2022 18:17

rippleraspberry · 05/12/2022 18:09

Is your mum particularly vulnerable to being exploited/ taken advantage of?

Based purely on the info you've given I wouldn't assume anything. Some people do have large age gaps and I've seen more than 20 years work fine.

It depends on the people involved and it sounds like you haven't met him yet, so I'm wondering if there's something about your mum in particular that is making you concerned?

No there's nothing about her that concerns me, I'm just a bit surprised he's interested in her when all my single friends in their fifties are having trouble finding nice men to date 😂

OP posts:
hattie43 · 05/12/2022 18:17

I'd be suspicious tbh . I agree with others in that I can't see what a 50's man would see in a 70's woman .

Marineboy67 · 05/12/2022 18:18

Coffin Watcher...no doubt about it

Original poster
closingscore · 05/12/2022 18:19

If based in the UK and she knows his address you can just order the title deeds for the address online, fee around £3 to see who owns the property. He would never know she did that.

I just looked and it's £19.95 😬

OP posts:
NoelNoNoel · 05/12/2022 18:19

My DM married a man 5 years younger than me, it didn’t last.

HamBone · 05/12/2022 18:25

I’d say that you’d like to meet him, perhaps invite them round for a meal so you can suss him out.

Do you have Power of Attorney for your Mum? If not, it would be good to talk to her about it now, in case she ever becomes incapacitated or just abit forgetful. He could be perfectly nice, but you can’t be sure.

Itsbeenashortyear · 05/12/2022 18:27

I would be concerned but I wouldn’t let on. I would tell her I would love to meet him, enthusiastic etc. So I could keep em eye out.

pinneddownbytabbies · 05/12/2022 18:29

He's after her money.

5128gap · 05/12/2022 21:50

Depends. If she's a youthful attractive 70 year old with energy and enthusiasm for life, and he's a bald paunchy 50 year old who's asleep in front of the tele by 9pm, she might be after his money!
Their ages alone aren't enough to tell. You need to see them together and get a guage on whether they're well matched. Men in their 50s can often seem quite old so could be well suited to a 70s woman.

Bluerisotto · 05/12/2022 22:06

closingscore · 05/12/2022 18:19

If based in the UK and she knows his address you can just order the title deeds for the address online, fee around £3 to see who owns the property. He would never know she did that.

I just looked and it's £19.95 😬

Are you sure you went to the official government site? It's definitely only £3

www.gov.uk/get-information-about-property-and-land/copies-of-deeds

Original poster
closingscore · 05/12/2022 23:08

5128gap · 05/12/2022 21:50

Depends. If she's a youthful attractive 70 year old with energy and enthusiasm for life, and he's a bald paunchy 50 year old who's asleep in front of the tele by 9pm, she might be after his money!
Their ages alone aren't enough to tell. You need to see them together and get a guage on whether they're well matched. Men in their 50s can often seem quite old so could be well suited to a 70s woman.

I don't think he's paunchy - she said he's really active and runs.

OP posts:
Millie2008 · 06/12/2022 00:18

I'm usually pretty open minded about these sorts of things. And I'm in a long-term age gap relationship myself with 2 small children. I THINK there might be a difference between a couple who meet when they are 20 and 35 or whatever (and then stay together until they're 55 and 70); and the couple who literally start dating when they are 55 and 70.