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Original poster

What would you think about this age gap?

38 replies

closingscore · 05/12/2022 17:11

My long divorced dm has announced she's seeing a man 20 years younger than her (he's only two years older than me, she is mid 70's)

Would you think "good for her!" Or would you assume he has ulterior motives (she is fairly well off, although not obviously so)

OP posts:
CambsAlways · 26/01/2023 22:55

Red flag to me! I think he could be after her money!! hope not

KettrickenSmiled · 27/01/2023 01:10

HamBone · 05/12/2022 18:25

I’d say that you’d like to meet him, perhaps invite them round for a meal so you can suss him out.

Do you have Power of Attorney for your Mum? If not, it would be good to talk to her about it now, in case she ever becomes incapacitated or just abit forgetful. He could be perfectly nice, but you can’t be sure.

If you were my DD & told me you were considering POA for me due to my dating decisions, I tell you to piss off til you'd mended your manners.

I'd also be just as wary of your motives as PP are (rightly) being about this new geezer. OP's already said she isn't vulnerable. So even if mum wanted to throw her life savings at her toyboy, that's her decision to make.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2023 01:14

Hire a PI to do some digging.

KettrickenSmiled · 27/01/2023 01:32

Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2023 01:14

Hire a PI to do some digging.

Cheaper just to meet the guy & carefully observe over time.

HamBone · 27/01/2023 01:48

KettrickenSmiled · 27/01/2023 01:10

If you were my DD & told me you were considering POA for me due to my dating decisions, I tell you to piss off til you'd mended your manners.

I'd also be just as wary of your motives as PP are (rightly) being about this new geezer. OP's already said she isn't vulnerable. So even if mum wanted to throw her life savings at her toyboy, that's her decision to make.

Show quote history

It wouldn’t be simply due to her dating decisions, @KettrickenSmiled it would be prudent to do regardless due to her age (mid-70’s). Her health could change very quickly.

Catnary · 27/01/2023 01:54

How did they meet?
If they have a shared hobby or something that might be less odd.

ricepuddin · 27/01/2023 05:25

Might he have mummy issues? It is a thing but sometimes it works out happily

NewTabulaRasa · 27/01/2023 06:20

Great thread.
I'd be concerned that my mother might be exploited, and I'd make the same comment if it was my father with a much younger woman.
I like the idea of finding his address and if he owns it, from a land registry search get its value. Then measure his worth against your mothers.
No need for either of them to know what you've done.
And organise meeting him, so you can make your own assessment.

Zanatdy · 27/01/2023 06:50

Well I’d be thinking good for her, but also a bit cautious and would be watching with interest, just to ensure she’s not being taken advantage of. You do wonder what someone 20yrs younger would see in someone in their 70’s, but love happens at all ages. But yep, I’d be cautious.

Billslills · 27/01/2023 07:02

It is hard to say without knowing your mum. Is she 'young' for her age? In looks/energy/hobbies? Can you imagine her having fun with someone in her 50's? Is she someone who could be easily persuaded? Do you think she'd ever change her will for a man (surely not?).

Original poster
closingscore · 28/01/2023 15:09

Well we had a good chat with her last weekend, and she has told us that they are basically just friends. She only sees him a couple of times a week, and says they just enjoy each other's company and it won't be going any further than that. He picks her up, they go off to the cinema, dancing, or for a walk and he drops her home. Hopefully that's how it'll stay!

OP posts:
SultanOfSwing · 28/01/2023 17:46

It sounds like you no longer need this information, but in case you ever should, getting title deeds costs £19.95 if you go via a private service that “helps” you.

It costs £3 to download it yourself, as PP said.

How to request a copy of the deeds
Find out if the property or land is registered.
Pay £3 to download a copy of the title register. If the deeds are marked as 'filed' in the register then HM Land Registry has a scanned copy.
Fill in the deeds request form using the property's title number from the title register.

EasilyDistractable · 28/01/2023 18:11

Well done. Got to to the "due diligence" thing...

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