Dating while living with your ex

[James54321]

So I have split up after being with someone after 12 years we own a house together and have a 4 year old daughter we have both agreed it's over. we can't afford to live alone even if we sell the house so we are happy to live together for now.

I'm interested to get a woman's perspective would you date a man that lives with his ex?

I've had quite alot of interest on dating apps and I'm always honest about my situation before meeting someone some women are fine about it some have a massive go at me saying I shouldn't be on there

What do you think?

To be honest i would be reluctant but would slowly build a friendship with a person still living with their ex, once i got to know them I’d then decide if it could go anywhere, maybe also meet the ex partner (obviously not the child) I would just worry that one of you would still be in love with the other

I would wonder why that person is so desperate to start dating rather than focus on their life, kid and getting out of the situation. It smacks of someone not liking being on their own.

No I wouldn't date someone in that situation.

The thing is I could afford to live in my current house by myself as my mortgage is not to bad in comparison to modern rental costs but she doesn't want to sell and as joint owners I can't sell without her agreeing. Also she doesn't contribute to the mortgage which really bugs me so I'm stuck paying it all so I don't lose the house

No I wouldn’t date you.

Firstly because you’ve already twisted your story - you can’t afford to live alone, but then you can, but she won’t sell, it hardly sounds like an amicable arrangement, especially now you’ve pointed out that her not contributing to the mortgage really bugs you. And that’s just based on 2 small posts. I couldn’t be arsed with the drama which I’m sure will come with dating you while you’re in this situation.

I presume I wouldn’t be “allowed” round to your house, if we’ve been dating a few months can I call over and have a drink at yours before we go out? Or do we have to plan that for when your wife isn’t around? I’d assume that if we wanted to sleep together I’d have to have you to stay over at mine.

There’s no future with you. What’s your plan for moving out, what timescales? Are you just waiting for a convenient woman all nicely set up in her own home for you to move into? How does your current situation work with your child if we’re still dating in 6 months or a year? How fucked up for your DD to meet daddy’s girlfriend, even though daddy still lives at home with mummy.

There are plenty of men out there who aren’t living with their ex, why choose you? Like a PP I’d wonder why your focus is on dating rather than getting yourself in a position to be properly available for dating/a relationship.

What @bornin78 said. Please don't go taking your unresolved relationship into someone else's life. When you date you need to be able to be open with the people in your life and the person you're with, able to have them at your home, able to make independant decisions about your finances and location. An FWB might be a better fit if you aren't resolved to change your current situation

I'm always honest about my situation before meeting someone

Aye right.

After stringing them along with messages for a while though eh.

I bet you haven’t got still living with my wife in your bio, because as you know, you wouldn’t get a single bite if you did.

No, never in a million years would I date a man who lived with his wife or STBXW.

Sorry pal, can't actually hear what you're saying. The Drama Klaxon is soooo loud.

Yeah. No.

Just no.

I'd probably suspect that you're still very much married and that the separation is a story to make dating possible.

I lived with my now ex husband for 3 years ( thanks Covid) and dated whilst going through my divorce. I was seeing someone for 6 months and it was fine. He knew my situ and it didn’t cause any issues.

😂

I think sadly OP you'll find that the only women interested in dating you in this situation are going to be the kind of people you don't really want to be dating. IE they love a bit of drama, or they have poor boundaries and low standards because they're desperate.

You'd be better off directing your energies towards finding a practical financial solution to ending your marriage.

Maybe if I wasn’t interested in any sort of actual relationship, including a physical relationship, and was just looking for someone to spend time with for fun. Basically an interesting person to have dinner with or to see a play and discuss afterwards. Aka, a friend.

Way too messy for me, plus any overnights etc would have to be at my house or a hotel which would get old pretty quick. I wouldn’t want to host all the time and would feel very odd about kissing the man i’m dating in the morning and sending him back to his wife who he still lives with.

Absolutely bloody not. Your posts have already changed your story. More red flags than a Corbyn singalong.

Hmmm difficult one

Tirn it around how would you feel if you saw your ex wife getting ready to go out on a date? Wouldn’t you wonder about everything?

Thats not meant to be a criticism, I e been there in the early eighties I dated a USAF policeman whilst we were. both married promised me the earth turned out after eight months he’d just used me for sex & women are more savvy now, they will be thinking is he using me

I wouldn't date someone living with their ex. I was in that situation and my ex refused to leave the house until he got a divorce settlement from me, so I was stuck with him for months.

I'd be concerned they wouldn't tell me the truth and also that they just didn't want to be alone. My ex started online dating the minute we decided to split and within weeks was in a serious relationship and involved in the woman's kids' lives 🙄. They're still together now but I can guarantee she doesn't know the real reason I called time on the marriage (domestic violence).

My brother started dating while living with his ex (she cheated) and it doesn't seem to have bothered my SIL. So I guess it depends on the person.

I wouldn't believe you were actually separated or didn't still have more of a relationship that I'd be comfortable with, personally.

Does she work? Is she on the mortgage?

No I would find it extremely unattractive. As if I was their meal ticket out of that house.

Why don't you focus on your children and what you can do to separate amicably? If you can continue living together happily, is the relationship totally dead in the water?

No as I wouldn't feel comfortable with going back to yours with the ex there.

I don't think the ex would want me there either.

You can't truly move on until you're out of the house.

No I’d just move on if someone said they were still living with the ex. Maybe if it was for a month or two whilst the house sold, but in your situation there’s no end date to this. Why isn’t your ex paying towards the mortgage? No wonder she doesn’t want to change the living situation if she’s living rent free. Not sure I’d be dating until I had my own place