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Original poster

He has concerns about compatibility

30 replies

Princessleilatoo · 01/12/2022 23:15

I’ve posted before but reposting for traffic
been on 5 dates with a guy
he was super intense and full on
and now days he wants to dial it down, as he doesn’t want it to be all sex, he’s not sure about our compatibility but time will tell

he says he thinks we inhabit different worlds
Then he said he really really likes me and he’s afraid of getting hurt
I am so confused and I feel this has sucked the fun of things
but he’s the sexiest man I’ve met in years and I feel we do have a connection
that being said I don’t want my heart broken again
what would you do?

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 01/12/2022 23:21

Im not sure he could be clearer. He has given you all the lines.

Original poster
Princessleilatoo · 01/12/2022 23:22

ConnieTucker clear about what?

OP posts:
LeandraDear · 01/12/2022 23:38

That he is not interested in a long term relationship with you.

MMmomDD · 01/12/2022 23:39

This complicated after 5 dates?
Just step back and date whoever you meet. This one would either stop playing games or not.
Dont waste time waiting for him.
There are plenty of sexy men around.

Newwardrobe · 01/12/2022 23:41

I posted on your last thread and I still think you should call it a day.

Weren't you going to give it a few more dates and see how it goes?

Yankeescot · 01/12/2022 23:49

Seriously, at 5 dates in you should just be getting to know each other/about each other. If he's so intense at such an early stage analysing compatibility before you even have a chance to know each other, he sounds like a complete love bomber.
Most of us realise how hard it is to resist this manufactured charm after dealing with so many wankstains.

I'd think the best thing for you to do would be say something along the lines of "Hey date 5, I fancy you and would like to get to know you more. However, if you're questioning our compatibility I'll happily bow out in the hopes you can find someone more compatible. All the best to you."

It seriously shouldn't be difficult. When it's right, it's easy.

Pinkbonbon · 02/12/2022 02:06

Was going to say 'he's given you all the lines too'.

He just wanted the sex and now he's backing away. He isn't interested in a relationship with you unfortunately.

ThanksAntsThants · 02/12/2022 02:15

If it’s a relationship you’re looking for then he’s right, you’re not compatible, because he’s just a nasty fuck boy. Dump and run.

frozendaisy · 02/12/2022 02:41

Fucking hell it should be much more fun still after X5 dates.

Can you not indicate he's becoming a navel gazing bore already and that you can't be bothered listening to this shit.

DeeCeeCherry · 02/12/2022 02:59

He's backing away. He'll stay with you for the sex though. If you let him. Then when he's finally ready to dump you completely, he will say he already told you there were 'compatibility' issues, and that he 'doesn't want to get hurt'. So, you shouldve been aware you may not last. As pp's have said, he's given you all the lines.

Just 5 dates in you should still be in your honeymoon period. But you're not because he's just not that into you.

He may be the sexiest man you've met in ages but that surely doesn't mean you should ignore red flags, and choose to close your ears to what he's really saying. If you want a fuck buddy for a while he's all good, but if you want a long-term relationship you're on a hiding to nothing.

He's not even using original lines ffs, just the usual fuck boy script

MeowwandAnder · 02/12/2022 03:22

@Princessleilatoo

I think you need to preserve your feelings, protect yourself and get back a sense of control. The most powerful tool you have is not to contact him. Silence from you is the biggest weapon you have.

It will give you your answer. He’ll either chase back after you - and if he does, I’d still be extremely distant with him and guard your feelings.

If he doesn’t get back - then it just wasn’t meant to be.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 02/12/2022 03:34

He just wants a shag I'm afraid.

Quiegal · 02/12/2022 04:12

I haven't been on your old threads.

I agree he could of just wanted sex but also could be thinking it's getting serious and he knows your like him a lot. The biggest things is he thinks you both different which I would like to know why he said that.

It's probably best you just back of date other people don't just put all eggs in one basket. Maybe this is what he doing. Why now he backing off. Someone could be more like him and can fit into his world where as he thinks you both are different.

For me personally when I have dated in the past. I would be fine first date because no pressure. Then second I use to kind of back off myself but you know the next dates after leads to maybe sex. Once they get it they test a few times and if not what they want maybe they see your getting attached they back off it's awful I know.

That's why I suppose it's important to keep your options open. Don't put all your feeling into it just have fun.

Personally I been on both sides of the coin and it depends on what the guy intentions are. They always know what they want.

I been on first date gave it to sex early got way to involved threw all my eggs one basket realized they started back off with messages etc. By then your attached it's horrible. I have also made a guy wait months before sex. Just getting to them and thinking I am getting somewhere to when he gets it he backs off.

So just keep options open for now not saying sleep around with every tom,dick and Harry. But keep your feelings inside and see how it goes maybe two people.

This guy seems to have been put off by something. What's his world and your yours? What the difference?

I personally would back off now but I suspect you really like him now. To say you don't want to be hurt think he already done that he drew you in and knows it and backed away.

Let me not judge this man but he could like you and don't want to hurt and this why he said that. He been honest and I always get the vibe they are into me or maybe they not.

I wish you the best because dating these days can be so difficult.

Teeturtle · 02/12/2022 06:51

Princessleilatoo · 01/12/2022 23:22

ConnieTucker clear about what?

That he isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with you. He could certainly be clearer if he wanted to, but still it is kind of clear.

dontputitthere · 02/12/2022 07:09

You had great advice on your last thread

He's told you. He doesn't see this as a relationship. He's a head fuck. Push pull.

Five dates in. And it's this angsty.

Carry on if this is what you want. But he's a fuckwit and it's not going to get any better.

layladomino · 02/12/2022 07:18

I echo what pp have said, but also a warning that he might be seeing how far he can push you to try to please him.

I have an experience of an ex bf saying this stuff fairly early on. I was slow to realise that he was setting seeds for me to start trying to 'prove' to him that we were compatible. So I gave up a hobby he didn't enjoy, and took up a hobby that he did. I didn't wear stuff he said he didn't like.

Thankfully I realised before it went too far - I was moulding myself in to someone else just to please him. Which you never have to do if you're with the right person.

Shortpoet · 02/12/2022 07:27

He’s being manipulative. He wants you available for sex but doesn’t want to make a commitment to you.

He’s laying the groundwork now so that when he’s a complete bastard a little way down the line he can say, “I told you I didn’t think we were compatible”.

If you want a long term relationship, then this is not the guy.

DosCervezas · 02/12/2022 07:34

Great lines, all tried and tested Im sure.
Looks like he's had his fun, the novelty has worn off and he's moving on ( probably already has) to his next conquest. Thankfully not all men are like this, but it's fairly common form on the circuit!

ShandaLear · 02/12/2022 07:51

He’s trying to manipulate you. This is where you’re supposed to reassure him that you are compatible and start showing how - you will mostly do this by changing yourself to do whatever he wants. He will blow hot and cold, dump you and then pull you back in again. It will be all drama and peaks and troughs as you try to keep him happy and you WILL fail because he will only be happy when he’s keeping you on edge. 5 dates in should be fun and exciting, not all this nonsense. I’d throw this one back unless you’re ready for the heartache.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 02/12/2022 07:55

Walk away

If you don't then you're setting yourself up for being messed around and never ending misery

softpilllow · 02/12/2022 08:04

but he’s the sexiest man I’ve met in years and I feel we do have a connection
that being said I don’t want my heart broken again

what would you do?

I would walk away because I wouldn't find any of the things he has been saying to you remotely sexy. He is keeping his options open for a shag whilst warning you not to get too invested.

Walk away, he actually sounds gross; not sexy.

pinkfondu · 02/12/2022 08:14

He's playing games, hooked you in and pulling back to suck you in more

OKild09 · 02/12/2022 08:29

OP he's not interested in you and making excuses. Move on please.

Unforgettablehamster · 02/12/2022 10:38

Same advice as on your previous thread. End it now or you are heading right into a major heartbreak.

yellowsmileyface · 02/12/2022 10:43

If a guy you've only recently started seeing has you posting multiple posts to MN looking for advice, he's not the one.

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