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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

‘Not the right time for a relationship’

26 replies

Dustysparkles · 01/12/2022 20:19

Name changed as friends know my name on here. In short, I’ve been dating a man for
a couple of months and though at the beginning I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted I did develop feelings and recently asked him outright what he was looking for. He was honest with me and said he likes me but isn’t looking for a relationship right now as only recently split with ex and is reluctant to continue seeing me now as he didn’t realise I wanted more and doesn’t want to lead me on 🤨 . Just wondering what you all think of this ‘excuse’ is it just something men say when they don’t see a woman as relationship material or could it really be a case of right person wrong time?

OP posts:
InSummertime · 01/12/2022 20:20

Nope he wants a shag and is being honest. You aren’t - wish him the best and thank him for being honest

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2022 20:28

I did this once. I was still in love with my ex. I was up for a shag and some fun but nothing more. I meant it, he thought I could be talked around.

At least in my case he was really lovely and exactly what I would have wanted six months later. The timing was off, he was great.

BakedBeeeen · 01/12/2022 20:29

He’s just not that into you.

Original poster
Dustysparkles · 01/12/2022 20:30

BakedBeeeen · 01/12/2022 20:29

He’s just not that into you.

Savage but probably true 😭

OP posts:
Metabigot · 01/12/2022 20:30

Oldest line in the book.

Mumma · 01/12/2022 20:34

You asked him and he gave you an answer. It may not have been the answer you wanted but that is what it is.
If you hope he will change his mind you risk heartbreak unfortunately.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 01/12/2022 20:35

Aw
its very shit when you like someone and it’s not reciprocated

and maybe he’s not that into you and maybe it’s a bad time

but walk away and move on
as if he wants you
he will chase

RandomMusings7 · 01/12/2022 20:36

When a guy is really into you, there ia no such thing as "not the right time".

He's just not that into you. Sorry.

Meseekslookatme · 01/12/2022 20:52

InSummertime · 01/12/2022 20:20

Nope he wants a shag and is being honest. You aren’t - wish him the best and thank him for being honest

Yep!
He's letting you down gently

GreyCarpet · 01/12/2022 21:27

InSummertime · 01/12/2022 20:20

Nope he wants a shag and is being honest. You aren’t - wish him the best and thank him for being honest

This.

He wasn't looking for a relationship, just the occasional hook up and a bit of fun having just got out of a relationship. A lot of people don't like to jump straight from one to another.

But he's realised you're looking for more and is one of the rare men who has done the decent thing!

Oopsiedaisyy · 01/12/2022 21:31

He means...

Its not the right time for a relationship... With you

I've been there. Wish him well, and walk away

AnxiousStepparent · 01/12/2022 21:33

He's already led you on in my opinion. He should have been up front right at the beginning.

category12 · 01/12/2022 21:37

Keep your dignity. Stop seeing him.

DMLady · 01/12/2022 21:40

I can’t answer for the man you’ve met, but just wanted to say that when I first met my now DH, I was still in love with someone else (though didn’t realise it!) and as a result it didn’t work out; a year later, when we (randomly) met up again, I was over my ex, and DH and I have been together ever since. So it can happen. However, if he’s saying it’s too soon for him, then I think you’re best off taking him at his word; don’t assume he’ll come round…

Pinkbonbon · 01/12/2022 21:41

He's already fucked you about for months.
Now you've asked for clarification he's had to come clean. Time to wave bye bye to the wanker.

minticecreamisjustok · 01/12/2022 21:43

Whether he is still hung up on his ex or just an excuse, Shame it's taken him a few months to tell you, now you know, I'd break it off, don't wait in hope he'll change his feelings.

SomeChickensAreJustTooBig · 01/12/2022 21:47

He’s not into you. Put it down to experience and move on.

Ladyof2022 · 01/12/2022 22:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

DigitalTranny · 01/12/2022 22:32

He is using you for sex.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 02/12/2022 00:27

When a guy is really into you, there ia no such thing as "not the right time".

This is such bollocks. I’ve told people before that I’m just not after a relationship right now and it was absolutely true. I’ve been about to change location and don’t want strings, or still a bit too attached to an ex, or just loving being footloose and fancy free. Even if you like a person a lot, the timing can be all wrong. Sometimes “don’t want a relationship right now” is a line, but sometimes it is a fact. Either way, this is dead in the water so you need to move on.

Sunnytwobridges · 02/12/2022 00:29

Whenever I’ve given this reason as an excuse (I’m a woman) it means I’m not that into them.

butterfliedtwo · 02/12/2022 00:32

He was honest. You asked him. Just move on.

altmember · 02/12/2022 12:44

Pinkbonbon · 01/12/2022 21:41

He's already fucked you about for months.
Now you've asked for clarification he's had to come clean. Time to wave bye bye to the wanker.

Not true. Unless you're suggesting he should have decided after the first date whether OP is 'the one'?? Surely anyone has the right at any time to back out of a relationship? It doesn't mean they've strung their partner along.

Footballmyarse · 02/12/2022 13:12

He just wants a shag.

One of my friends used to do this to women all
the time though. Same old line, but usually, they would hang around to try and change his mind via lots of sex, presents, lending money, taking him to places etc to show that they would be a wonderful girlfriend. He knew what he was doing and it was gross. Then he would ditch them totally when he’d had enough.

It was vile to watch.

Maybe this bloke is being honest. Cut loose just incase he’s a wanker like my former friend.

tinselterra · 02/12/2022 14:05

It doesn't sound like an excuse. I would take it at face value. He's recently split up and he's not ready for a new relationship. But he wants to have fun.