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Original poster

OH Watching porn

51 replies

Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 11:49

How do you feel about this?
I travel a bit for work and whenever I do my husband seems to spend the time watching porn. Nothing weird but perhaps stuff I wouldn’t be up for! (And no I’m not a prude).. I know this because I borrowed his tablet to watch Netflix and the page loaded.
Im not in to porn at all. I find it degrading to women and it always seems as if it’s women having stuff done too them for the man’s pleasure rather than a mutual thing.
I don’t think I mind if he watches it but it does niggle me a bit because he sometimes makes comments like ‘ you should give me more BJs’ as if I should be dishing out sexual favours and not expecting anything in return- I wonder if this attitude comes from watching porn. He gets more BJ’s than most I’m sure! 😂…
He knows I know, I brought it up because I think it’s important to be open about these things.

OP posts:
October2020 · 30/11/2022 11:50

I couldn't care less so long as it isn't illegal.

October2020 · 30/11/2022 11:51

However, if he is using it to encourage you to do things you don't want to do, that's a completely different issue, and that needs addressing.

foggydaysun · 30/11/2022 11:57

I would hate this. I don’t like porn for the same reasons as you. Plus there is a lot of genuine abuse of women working in the porn industry.

And also look at the way you feel you need to defend yourself as ‘not a prude’. That’s pornified culture for you.

Alysskea · 30/11/2022 11:59

Some might I don’t think it’s acceptable to watch a porn honestly - do you think he knows much about the industry and what goes on in terms or consent and exploitation? And also the long term harmful affects if porn on society? There are studies that show porn shapes sexual expectations so it could also be creeping into your marriage too. Definitely talk to him about it.

Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 12:37

October2020 · 30/11/2022 11:51

However, if he is using it to encourage you to do things you don't want to do, that's a completely different issue, and that needs addressing.

He isn’t x

OP posts:
Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 12:39

foggydaysun · 30/11/2022 11:57

I would hate this. I don’t like porn for the same reasons as you. Plus there is a lot of genuine abuse of women working in the porn industry.

And also look at the way you feel you need to defend yourself as ‘not a prude’. That’s pornified culture for you.

I have tried to have the conversation with him but he just brushes it off and says the women on sites he visits are not being exploited and are sex workers by choice. And some might be but it’s still gross.

OP posts:
HappyHippocampus · 30/11/2022 12:41

Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 12:39

I have tried to have the conversation with him but he just brushes it off and says the women on sites he visits are not being exploited and are sex workers by choice. And some might be but it’s still gross.

Show quote history

How does he know this exactly?

he sounds naïve at best.

Fidgety31 · 30/11/2022 16:48

It doesn’t bother me at all that my boyfriend watches porn . Standard male pastime I think .

Heartonmysleevee · 30/11/2022 16:54

The men get slaughtered on here for watching porn and the comments can be really OTT.

What I want to know is the women so uptight about it behave as though no women watch porn. 2 of my friends definitely do and occasionally so have I!

Aikko · 30/11/2022 17:01

Fidgety31 · 30/11/2022 16:48

It doesn’t bother me at all that my boyfriend watches porn . Standard male pastime I think .

Yes, lets normalise wanking off to watching other people have sex. 🤔

merrymadness · 30/11/2022 17:12

I agree with you op, I don't like it. I discovered my husband was watching it in secret and the secrecy thing affected me too. It also feels like my husband turned to porn instead of improving the cracks which were emerging in our relationship (at the time we had a toddler) and he was putting his energy into this and not making the effort to try to improve our relationship. It's the emotional detatchment from it on his part too - he didn't seem to get the degredation issue and it heightened the fact that we are on different pages in a lot of ways. Sadly, I think I've lost a lot of respect for him and a fair bit of trust too.

Opentooffers · 30/11/2022 17:23

I hope he reciprocates and gives you as much oral pleasure - if not, I'd throw that back at him, only fair. Or indeed any act that you like and maybe wish he'd do more of. If it's OK for him to request its certainly OK for you to as well.

Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 17:50

Heartonmysleevee · 30/11/2022 16:54

The men get slaughtered on here for watching porn and the comments can be really OTT.

What I want to know is the women so uptight about it behave as though no women watch porn. 2 of my friends definitely do and occasionally so have I!

Not uptight about it, just wondering about other opinions. I certainly don’t like it, I don’t like him watching it and I don’t enjoy it myself. Mainly because I find it sleezy and demeaning. Each their own thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 17:50

Opentooffers · 30/11/2022 17:23

I hope he reciprocates and gives you as much oral pleasure - if not, I'd throw that back at him, only fair. Or indeed any act that you like and maybe wish he'd do more of. If it's OK for him to request its certainly OK for you to as well.

I definitely give to receive in that area. I’m not mad! 😂😂…

OP posts:
Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 17:52

merrymadness · 30/11/2022 17:12

I agree with you op, I don't like it. I discovered my husband was watching it in secret and the secrecy thing affected me too. It also feels like my husband turned to porn instead of improving the cracks which were emerging in our relationship (at the time we had a toddler) and he was putting his energy into this and not making the effort to try to improve our relationship. It's the emotional detatchment from it on his part too - he didn't seem to get the degredation issue and it heightened the fact that we are on different pages in a lot of ways. Sadly, I think I've lost a lot of respect for him and a fair bit of trust too.

Yes I know what you mean. It is a trust thing. Watching porn now but could it go elsewhere?? I don’t think so but I have a colleague who’s husband what meeting women via hook up sites and that obviously didn’t end well for anyone.

OP posts:
Yepsure · 30/11/2022 22:21

Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 12:39

I have tried to have the conversation with him but he just brushes it off and says the women on sites he visits are not being exploited and are sex workers by choice. And some might be but it’s still gross.

Show quote history

I’d be asking how does he KNOW that because unless he knows everyone of them personally and their circumstances , he doesn’t !

Yepsure · 30/11/2022 22:27

Heartonmysleevee · 30/11/2022 16:54

The men get slaughtered on here for watching porn and the comments can be really OTT.

What I want to know is the women so uptight about it behave as though no women watch porn. 2 of my friends definitely do and occasionally so have I!

Oh yes .. women concerned about the abuse of women and girls are just so …. Uptight.

sure some women watch it , who’s denying that , doesn’t change a thing . Viewers simply don’t know for sure that the person isn’t being exploited and in many cases they can’t even be sure of the persons age. especially with so many sites being caught out .

i don’t think it’s being ‘ uptight ‘ I think it’s putting women and girls wellbeing above getting sexual kicks possibly at someone’s expense.

DuringDuran · 01/12/2022 08:52

The problem with the ethical argument is that it would have to be applied to all industries including the hardware makers.

The gadget that you use to register your opinions is the result of both modern slavery in the assembling factories and extraction of rare metals.

Then there is the issue of pollution to extract metals such as lithium. Google how lithium is extracted and the impact it has on indigenous populations whose rivers are being polluted because we want to watch a movie.

I don't see why exceptions should be made when ethics conflict with comfort.

jeaux90 · 01/12/2022 09:27

What @Yepsure said.

Porn is a massive problem. There was a documentary recently on the surge of sexual assaults on girls by boys in mixed secondary schools. Key problem is porn.

Surge in choking incidents in young women. Key problem is porn.

You don't know what porn is consensual and what isn't. There are rapes and sexual assaults on women and children on porn hub they refuse to take down even though they have been legally notified that these were crimes.

But sure, porn is harmless.

You can try and be the "cool wife" but believe me, you are doing women and children a massive disservice.

JustKittenAround · 01/12/2022 09:39

Heartonmysleevee · 30/11/2022 16:54

The men get slaughtered on here for watching porn and the comments can be really OTT.

What I want to know is the women so uptight about it behave as though no women watch porn. 2 of my friends definitely do and occasionally so have I!

Women don’t drive the porn industry. Fact.

if you enjoy watching women being used by men with no thought to their sexual needs in real life that’s on you. You deserve the same ire then because it’s sick… sicker so because if you’re actually a woman you know that sex isn’t Whats up

Prude or whatever. Exploitation is exploitation and you might get off on it and keep company with other who do, but those with brain cells clacking round their skulls understand it fit what it is.

lemme guess you enjoy backdoor play as well right? Super cool girl !!!! Ha!

DosCervezas · 01/12/2022 09:45

Fidgety31 · 30/11/2022 16:48

It doesn’t bother me at all that my boyfriend watches porn . Standard male pastime I think .

No it isn't standard male past time. Plenty of males are aware of the exploitation, objectification and degradation of women which is synonymous with porn

Then there's also the distortion of sexual expectations it brings ie beginning to believe that a healthy sex life must be like the usual extreme versions viewed in porn and often pressuring partners to push boundaries they may not always be comfortable with.

It's an unhealthy habit which can and often does become damaging to those watching it and, in turn, those in a relationship with them.

Yepsure · 01/12/2022 09:50

DuringDuran · 01/12/2022 08:52

The problem with the ethical argument is that it would have to be applied to all industries including the hardware makers.

The gadget that you use to register your opinions is the result of both modern slavery in the assembling factories and extraction of rare metals.

Then there is the issue of pollution to extract metals such as lithium. Google how lithium is extracted and the impact it has on indigenous populations whose rivers are being polluted because we want to watch a movie.

I don't see why exceptions should be made when ethics conflict with comfort.

i personally see the rape and sexual abuse, publishing of non consentual material and trafficking of women and girls as far more serious issues

Yepsure · 01/12/2022 09:55

@DuringDuran

do the issues you mention somehow make exploitation of women and all the other things mentioned above somehow ok ?
shit happens so just let the worse shit go unquestioned ?

softpilllow · 01/12/2022 09:57

It doesn't matter how other people feel, it matters how YOU feel. You have made it very clear you are not ok with it, at least on here, so take that back to him.

I wouldn't be ok with it either, but plenty will be along to play 'cool wife' and minimise/dismiss anything said against it.

baileys6904 · 01/12/2022 09:57

@yepsure so what's your argument against only fans with women doing porn on their own terms and making money at it

OP, if its a boundary to you, tell him. If it's not, there's no actual evidence suggesting it's a pre cursor to cheating. Or the opposite. However there's anecdotal evidence to both.

My OH I assume watches porn. Definitely used to however so did I. Don't watch as much now as haven't got time. Has no bearing on our relationship whatsoever, so not a problem for me. And no I don't do anal and OH has never asked me to. 🤷‍♀️