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Original poster

OH Watching porn

51 replies

Newlywednearly50 · 30/11/2022 11:49

How do you feel about this?
I travel a bit for work and whenever I do my husband seems to spend the time watching porn. Nothing weird but perhaps stuff I wouldn’t be up for! (And no I’m not a prude).. I know this because I borrowed his tablet to watch Netflix and the page loaded.
Im not in to porn at all. I find it degrading to women and it always seems as if it’s women having stuff done too them for the man’s pleasure rather than a mutual thing.
I don’t think I mind if he watches it but it does niggle me a bit because he sometimes makes comments like ‘ you should give me more BJs’ as if I should be dishing out sexual favours and not expecting anything in return- I wonder if this attitude comes from watching porn. He gets more BJ’s than most I’m sure! 😂…
He knows I know, I brought it up because I think it’s important to be open about these things.

OP posts:
DosCervezas · 01/12/2022 10:03

Another aspect to it being an unhealthy habit is the possibility of Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.
www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202104/porn-induced-erectile-dysfunction

Yepsure · 01/12/2022 10:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Afterfire · 01/12/2022 10:56

I don’t think all men watch porn. A lot do though. My exes all watched it and I was very okay with it so when I met dh at 31 I just assumed he’d watch it too and made a joke about it and he was horrified, he finds it absolutely disgusting. He was obviously genuine as he had no reason to lie as I literally essentially told him I had no issue with him watching it at all! So that was interesting to me. As I’ve got older (I’m mid 40s now) I understand a lot more about the whole industry and how awful it is and actually now I don’t think I’d be comfortable with a dh watching it at all. I think when I was younger I was quite brainwashed by previous boyfriends etc to think it was all normal etc.

OfficerArrestThatRuffian · 01/12/2022 11:21

foggydaysun · 30/11/2022 11:57

I would hate this. I don’t like porn for the same reasons as you. Plus there is a lot of genuine abuse of women working in the porn industry.

And also look at the way you feel you need to defend yourself as ‘not a prude’. That’s pornified culture for you.

This

Afterfire · 01/12/2022 11:25

Slightly off topic but since I’m here… I do hate the way porn has normalised so many things in our culture. There’s another thread on here at the moment where the woman is saying her dh is asking for anal and she thinks this isn’t “kinky” - wtf. I mean it’s fine if two consenting adults want to do that but let’s not pretend it’s a normal part of an average sex life or that it hasn’t become normalised by porn. I feel really sorry for my dds generation, she’s 19 and I’m sure there’s a lot of pressure sexually.

Zerogravity · 01/12/2022 11:25

You find it demeaning to women because it is. So how can you be alright with the man you love enjoying demeaning women? It's the cognitive dissonance that is distressing you. There is nothing wrong with insisting on no porn in a relationship. In fact, I think it is healthier.

RandomMusings7 · 01/12/2022 11:30

I don't care as long as it's just standard stuff and nothing violent/degrading/depraved/weird. And as long as it doesn't cross into addiction territory or start to influence our sex life (expectations, difficulty performing...)

I think it would be very very hard to find a man younger than 45ish who doesn't watch it

Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 01/12/2022 11:31

It does bother me and I will bring it up again. What bothers me is why he needs to watch porn, he claims to be happy with our sex life so why this need for external excitement? Also, obviously the whole industry and exploitation of women bothers me greatly.
He never asked me for anal, yuk… I’m late 40s, I tried it once in my 20s and frankly that was enough for me to know it’s not for me. I asked him early on if he was into it, he said he’s never tried and it’s never appealed. Is anal the new norm? God I have a Daughter and really hope not!

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 01/12/2022 11:38

Doesn't bother me. I've watched porn with my partner as well.

Babochan88 · 01/12/2022 11:57

Porn makes you feel weird because it is weird. Voyeurism is gross. But our patriarchal society has tried to convince men it’s normal and told women that they should accept it. Society now says that those that don’t accept it are the wrong ones…

cleanfreak12345 · 01/12/2022 12:53

Women don't like their partner's watching porn because the women in the videos are younger and more attractive than them

waterSpider · 01/12/2022 13:30

>> Nothing weird but perhaps stuff I wouldn’t be up for! (And no I’m not a prude).. I know this because I borrowed his tablet to watch Netflix and the page loaded.

I think there may be a bit of a difference between what's on Netflix and what a lot of people may be understanding by porn elsewhere on the internet.

itsmeagainagain · 01/12/2022 13:37

Afterfire · 01/12/2022 11:25

Slightly off topic but since I’m here… I do hate the way porn has normalised so many things in our culture. There’s another thread on here at the moment where the woman is saying her dh is asking for anal and she thinks this isn’t “kinky” - wtf. I mean it’s fine if two consenting adults want to do that but let’s not pretend it’s a normal part of an average sex life or that it hasn’t become normalised by porn. I feel really sorry for my dds generation, she’s 19 and I’m sure there’s a lot of pressure sexually.

@Afterfire I thought the exact same thing about that other thread!

MickeyMouseShithouse · 01/12/2022 13:38

No mentions of lesbian porn being all For satisfying men only.

Also no mention of onlyfans, where many many porn actresses now advertise themselves - if women like to do porn as a career, why shouldn’t they? If anyone enjoys watching said porn, you’re only helping their career.. like how most people only watch films with Leonardo DiCaprio for his looks and not his acting skills 😁

MickeyMouseShithouse · 01/12/2022 13:47

@Afterfire I agree.

I’m 26, have been asked on many occasions for anal.. in fact I was dumped in my teens because I wouldn’t engage in anal, not a single tear was shed in that situation, what a weirdo 😂

I eventually ended up trying it with my current DP years ago. Just to see what the fuss is about. I still have no idea, it’s not for me and haven’t done it since.. or have I been asked 😂

I think there is an obvious higher pressure for sexual favours now; but I think having very open parents and being able to talk about sex from any angle with my mum meant I was taught to never feel pressured or guilty for saying no - and I never. It’s made me pretty set on being very open with my children; I would hate to think they couldn’t discuss sex with me out of fear I would be upset/disappointed in anything.

Afterfire · 01/12/2022 14:36

MickeyMouseShithouse · 01/12/2022 13:47

@Afterfire I agree.

I’m 26, have been asked on many occasions for anal.. in fact I was dumped in my teens because I wouldn’t engage in anal, not a single tear was shed in that situation, what a weirdo 😂

I eventually ended up trying it with my current DP years ago. Just to see what the fuss is about. I still have no idea, it’s not for me and haven’t done it since.. or have I been asked 😂

I think there is an obvious higher pressure for sexual favours now; but I think having very open parents and being able to talk about sex from any angle with my mum meant I was taught to never feel pressured or guilty for saying no - and I never. It’s made me pretty set on being very open with my children; I would hate to think they couldn’t discuss sex with me out of fear I would be upset/disappointed in anything.

I feel reassured by your post. I hope my dd feels the same way, we have a very open relationship and discuss all sorts.

Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 01/12/2022 14:45

waterSpider · 01/12/2022 13:30

>> Nothing weird but perhaps stuff I wouldn’t be up for! (And no I’m not a prude).. I know this because I borrowed his tablet to watch Netflix and the page loaded.

I think there may be a bit of a difference between what's on Netflix and what a lot of people may be understanding by porn elsewhere on the internet.

Sorry you’re misunderstanding my post. I borrowed the tablet to watch Netflix in the bath, ( the crown, glass of wine). And when I loaded google it loaded the last page, pornhub…

OP posts:
Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 01/12/2022 14:47

cleanfreak12345 · 01/12/2022 12:53

Women don't like their partner's watching porn because the women in the videos are younger and more attractive than them

How do you know?? I’m a fine looking women and the women in those videos are massively airbrushed with lots of fake implants…

OP posts:
Original poster
Newlywednearly50 · 01/12/2022 14:50

MickeyMouseShithouse · 01/12/2022 13:47

@Afterfire I agree.

I’m 26, have been asked on many occasions for anal.. in fact I was dumped in my teens because I wouldn’t engage in anal, not a single tear was shed in that situation, what a weirdo 😂

I eventually ended up trying it with my current DP years ago. Just to see what the fuss is about. I still have no idea, it’s not for me and haven’t done it since.. or have I been asked 😂

I think there is an obvious higher pressure for sexual favours now; but I think having very open parents and being able to talk about sex from any angle with my mum meant I was taught to never feel pressured or guilty for saying no - and I never. It’s made me pretty set on being very open with my children; I would hate to think they couldn’t discuss sex with me out of fear I would be upset/disappointed in anything.

Thanks for posting. My daughter is 26 too. We have a pretty open relationship and I hope she would talk to me even though it would be mortifying 😂😬..
move also got a son and I have spoken lots to him about this sort of thing, consent, boundaries etc.

OP posts:
cookiecreammmpie · 01/12/2022 14:52

DH says he doesn't watch porn. Whether he does it not isn't my business. I don't watch it myself but I masturbate to other things. He doesn't get to tell me what I can or can't fantasise about to make myself orgasm and neither do I have the right to tell him what to do. As long as it's not rubbed in my face, I don't care.

Zerogravity · 01/12/2022 16:40

cleanfreak12345 · 01/12/2022 12:53

Women don't like their partner's watching porn because the women in the videos are younger and more attractive than them

Rubbish. Many women don't like it because it is vile. All these cool girls on here who are fine with porn, how would you feel if you found out your OH got off to racist videos? I guess that's fine too?

October2020 · 01/12/2022 17:04

Ah yes, @Zerogravity because that's exactly the same. Whataboutery at its finest!

purpleboy · 01/12/2022 17:05

cleanfreak12345 · 01/12/2022 12:53

Women don't like their partner's watching porn because the women in the videos are younger and more attractive than them

Or you know maybe they have standards and boundaries, and don't believe men tugging one out over a trafficked and vulnerable woman is a good thing.

Zerogravity · 01/12/2022 18:16

October2020 · 01/12/2022 17:04

Ah yes, @Zerogravity because that's exactly the same. Whataboutery at its finest!

Both involve exploitation but apparently that's alright if it's women being exploited....

Yepsure · 01/12/2022 21:41

cleanfreak12345 · 01/12/2022 12:53

Women don't like their partner's watching porn because the women in the videos are younger and more attractive than them

Lol is that why men don’t like their wives and gfs sending nudes to other men ? Because the other men can offer more attention and are often wealthier ?

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