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Original poster

Cheating partner, what to do?

28 replies

annon22 · 30/11/2022 07:22

Hello, in need of some advice! 😳

My partner of 3 years is a known cheater, had an affair in previous relationship, married her and then left her a week later for this other woman...awful i know!

I was head over heels for him, had inly ever been with 1 other person and he was pure excitement for me, we did so much, went so many places...he gave me what i never bad before.

Fast forward to now we have 2 children together 16month old and an 11 week old! When i was 28 weeks pregnant with our second my friend messaged me to tell me my partner had been trying to meet her friend for a number of months, talking on and off etc i confronted him he said was just a friend etc but why hide it?🧐 and hide me and our children from her! I stayed to work through if, then 2-3 weeks after that i found messages on his watch to a colleague (who he says gets around alot at work) talking about those two meeting in the cctv room so she can suck his...and cant meet in car, people round etc! Again i confront him, says it was just banter and nothing happened! He begged me to stay, cried the lot!

So i stayed...so my question is, am i fool for staying? Is he just going to do this again?

OP posts:
ToastofLandon · 30/11/2022 07:28

You went into a relationship with a known cheater, and now he’s cheated.

I think you know the answer to your questions.

Unananana · 30/11/2022 07:32

To answer your questions, yes you are a fool and yes he will!

Of course he will do it again! He doesn't have any consequences when he does and you give in to his wailing and crocodile tears.

What are you showing your children about relationships and how their mother should be treated?

You are worth more. Get angry and bin him.

Facecream · 30/11/2022 07:32

Of course he will change.
He will get bored of having his cock sucked in the CCTV room because you stay with him.
How many STDs do you want to contract in your lifetime??

longcoffeebreak · 30/11/2022 07:35

Oh jeez what a nightmare.

You are going to have to bin him off I'm sure you realise
unless
you are happy with all of this open pursuit of other women and sexual adventuring/incontinence?

Realistically maybe wait a few months until your baby is slightly older and you can cope with being alone and have got a chance of returning to work or whatever?

In the meantime don't sleep with him as it is clear he is totally untrustworthy.

RandomMusings7 · 30/11/2022 07:35

Yes, you are an absolute fool.

You found a known cheater and proceeded to start having babies with him less than a year into thr relationship. Who could have forseen how this would end? And no two innocent babies have to live with the consequences of your recklessness.

I despair...

RandomMusings7 · 30/11/2022 07:37

*and now

RandomMusings7 · 30/11/2022 07:38

This is like the equivalent of finding a bottle labelled poison and you drinking it all to make sure that it really is poison... and then acting surprised when it makes you really sick.

This can't surely be real?

longcoffeebreak · 30/11/2022 07:40

I think you are getting some very harsh responses here @annon22

For some reason you convinced yourself he would be different with you I get it.

But he isn't going to be. Been there. Done that. It's shit.

ChrisTrepidation · 30/11/2022 07:45

You got with a known cheater and had two children within three years?

He's a cheat. He's incapable of being honest or faithful. You're not going to be rhe exception to the rule. Do you really want to see your children brought up by an unhappy mum, learning that fathers cheat and lie?

It's a mess for sure. The only way to salvage some sanity sanity dignity is to leave the cheating lying arse!

RandomMusings7 · 30/11/2022 07:45

I think you are getting some very harsh responses here @annon22

Well yeah... because she is free to mess up her life all she wants, but now she's brought in two innocent kids who will be caught in the hurricane. Women need to start taking accountability for who they pick as father to their children.

Whiskyvodka · 30/11/2022 07:47

Sorry but of course he’ll cheat.
And he’s pathetic, crying not because he regrets what he’s done but because he was caught.

Whiskyvodka · 30/11/2022 07:48

RandomMusings7 · 30/11/2022 07:45

I think you are getting some very harsh responses here @annon22

Well yeah... because she is free to mess up her life all she wants, but now she's brought in two innocent kids who will be caught in the hurricane. Women need to start taking accountability for who they pick as father to their children.

Absolutely.
The world is full of adults and dc who don’t really know their fathers.

Backtothegymgirl · 30/11/2022 07:51

No of course not a fool. The man is clearly Deeply in love with you and would not dream of cheating on you again. And certainly not with your mates or your mates mates,so everyone knows about it and is gossiping.

anyway, back to the real world if you can’t afford to leave then don’t. But do get your finances on order because it’s only a matter of time till he ends it

GreyCarpet · 30/11/2022 07:51

You were a fool for going on a first date with a known cheater. Nevermind everything since!

Presumably you thought you were different and it would be different with you if that confidence could be bottled, you'd make a fortune!

He cries because it works.

LBFseBrom · 30/11/2022 07:55

annon22: "....he was pure excitement for me, we did so much, went so many places...he gave me what i never bad before."
....................
I get that, you were having a great time and on a high. Why not? A wonderful fling you would never forget. However I don't understand you marrying and having two children with him.

Now you have the measure of the man; he will never be faithful and may even, eventually, ditch you and the children.

Please separate from this man, you won't have peace while you are with him and are worth more than that.

ChessieDarling · 30/11/2022 07:55

Oh dear. Well he certainly is a leopard who’ll never change its spots. I’m sorry to say it but you were a fool to get into a relationship with him in the first place, let alone this rush into having two babies in such a short space of time. They’re the ones I really feel for you know… you knew who he was and you decided to go for it anyway, they’ve got no choice int heir feckless father and, given his track record, will be left for dust.

dontputitthere · 30/11/2022 08:14

So you married a serial cheater and surprise surprise he cheats.

The fact you're asking what to do means there's no point even bothering to reply.

I couldn't care less about you. But you've brought two kids into this fucking mess. You ought to be ashamed.

RandomMusings7 · 30/11/2022 08:15

Correct me if i'm wrong, but you're not even married, are you @annon22?

Which means zero financial protection and you get zilch when he leaves you. Smart...

Quitelikeit · 30/11/2022 08:20

He won’t change

however think of yourself on a hamsters wheel - you’ll stay on it your life will remain the same

get off it and your life will change

get back on it with him and your life with him will be the same

eventually you’ll learn that lesson and step away for good

you won’t be the first person to think you can tame a cheater and certainly not the last

Bedazzled22 · 30/11/2022 08:33

Well you have two choices-

stay with a man who doesnt love or respect you and cheats continually and will do so always until you feel so low and your self esteem is non existent or

get yourself back to work asap, the DCs into childcare and make a plan to leave him and get yourself a life. Have you any family to help you with children? Are you on maternity leave?

DuchessofSandwich · 30/11/2022 13:53

How on earth did you ever think that he would treat you differently than his exes?

Choice is yours, put up with a cheat or leave. Poor kids.

user301122 · 30/11/2022 22:50

I do believe people CAN change. However, having read your post, he absolutely has not changed. The first incident with him pursuing your friend's friend could possibly be innocent, very small chance, but possible.

However, the second incident about meeting up for sexual activities, it's there in black and white for you to see. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt for a second and believe that it's "banter". It is still hugely disrespectful and a good enough reason to dump him. But I don't believe it's banter and there's a good chance they HAVE since met up and done the things she said she was going to do to him.

Do yourself and your kids a favour and leave him. I know it's hard and you want to believe that you're the one who has changed him, but he's not some pet project. Leave him and move on.

Mercyovermerit · 30/11/2022 22:51

Whiskyvodka · 30/11/2022 07:48

Absolutely.
The world is full of adults and dc who don’t really know their fathers.

Show quote history

This. I wonder what magic you assumed you’d work to make him change ? Of course, he’s never going to change … but then, you knew this & thought it okay to bring in two innocent children into the utter chaos !

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 30/11/2022 22:53

The fact he says women “get around” js enough to make me want to have a bath
yuk

Closetbeanmuncher · 30/11/2022 23:02

This person is by no stretch of the imagination long term relationship material, I can’t fathom how you ever thought he was, or could be.

🤢