I have written a thread about an issue with my girlfriend recently and I did mention this thing that happened in the body of that thread, but the thread wasn't about that, if that makes sense.
My girlfriend has been wanting to get back into her hobby, football , for some years. Her work clashed with the local teams practices and matches.
Some things changed and a couple of months ago she could play again. I was really really happy for her, encouraging, told her how glad I was, was proud of her etc etc and was looking forward to being a part of it (football isn't my thing but I am sociable and was looking forward to meeting people and having some days out).
One weekend I was at hers while her team were playing-she wasn't playing as she had an injury. I was to go with her to watch the match. This isn't all of it but basically she was awful, awful to me the whole day. I think it was bravado, wanting to be a certain version/image of herself in front of her friends, showing off, I am not really sure?
We sat down with a coffee when we first got there and I mentioned something about 'us' and she snapped and gave me an awful look, angry, disdainful and said very snappily 'I'm not talking about that here, SORRY!' (hard to convey in text but very nastily said). I was taken aback but thought fair enough.
We went to sit down at the side of the pitch and she got up and walked away and stood with her back to me without saying anything. I went to stand next to her but was ignored totally, I watched it, some time later went to get us a drink, came back over, no acknowledgment just took the drink from me and was just as if I wasn't there.
I went and sat down again and watched (I just don't like standing up for long periods, figured her focus was the match, fair enough) and I did notice that others had gathered and she was talking and laughing with them, seemed I didn't exist. One woman who came over said to me 'Oh are you a new player, come to watch?' I assume as she didn't recognise me and my gf turned and said 'no that's my girlfriend!' and the woman said 'oh why didn't you introduce us and gf did engage with the conversation for a bit then. Once the woman had talked to us for a bit she went off somewhere else and gf was back to ignoring me. I joined in the conversation with others but it was odd, she kept shutting me out-she's never behaved like this before. It was very disheartening and confusing.
After the match we sat in the clubhouse for a bit, I must stress I am a sociable person and I will talk to anybody. I did talk to everyone but I didnt get more than two words out of my gf. To her, I may as well have not been there. After that we went to the pub for drinks, again I tried talking to her-I remember two occasions in particular one was when I told her a funny story related to what we were talking about and she snappily said 'Why are you telling me that, I don't want to know about stuff like that!' (It was fully related to what she'd been talking to the friend at the other side of the table about). I just retreated a bit then, she was seemingly just wanting me to feel awful. She also then turned her back to me saying 'I am not being rude I want to talk to these'. I talked to other people and kept myself together but it was really upsetting, she was like a totally different person to normal. She then went to play pool for about an hour. I know it wasn't all in my head because a couple of her friends asked me throughout the evening if I was okay, where was she? And hopefully didn't notice I was upset but obviously had noted her behaviour toward me too.
Since this event I have told her how she made me feel and said I will not be coming to any more matches/events with her to be stonewalled/ignored/abused. I've had quite enough of that in previous relationships and need to put boundaries in place.
She's so so happy to be back playing and involved and I am happy for her, genuinely but I've found that whenever she mentions it, wants to show me photos or talks about anything to do with it, I get upset. It's confused me as (believe me It's true!) I have been through FAR worse than this and not been so badly affected!
So two things I'd like stranger's opinions on are;
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Would I be unreasonable to tell her to please leave me out of the football thing for a bit, at least until I've got my head around how she treated me, I don't want to talk about it or see photos of how everyone is having such a great time when it just reminds me of how bad I felt that day
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WHY has this had such an affect on me? I can think of so many things that have happened to me in the past that have been far more traumatic that I've bounced back from very quickly in comparison. I am not a total wimp or usually this upset to the point I have 'triggers'. EG I was attacked a couple of years ago by a man on a nearby street and I walked past there the next week with no acknowledgment. My ex assaulted me on several occasions but I seemed to just bounce back from that (I did have counselling, but I have no 'attack' triggers or long lasting effects from the actual events if that makes sense).
I guess to '2' if someone else asked me this question I would say that certain things are just triggers for certain people, depending on our past, our upbringing, our emotional make-up. But for me, It's much more difficult to analyse oneself.
She did say to me a while ago that since that day some of her teammates have asked if I am coming to watch them again, said they liked me etc. I dont think I conducted myself badly or did anything especially wrong to her.