I think feeling unloved and scared and like he didn't give a toss when you cried... those are feelings that come from your childhood. Those are feelings that you still have, because you weren't 'allowed' to feel them. But now you don't allow yourself to feel them; you call yourself pathetic for it. Can you imagine how mean you're being to yourself? That you feel scared and unloved, and your response is to say to yourself 'You're pathetic.' Think of how horrible you'd be if you said that to anybody else. Much worse than your bloke going to have a shower whilst you cry: it's actively cruel.
When we become adults, we are still subject to the same emotions as when we are children. We still need looking after and taking care of. The definition between the two (child and adult) is that children are parented by someone else, and adults are old enough to parent themselves. So, we have to actively take care of our emotions, in the same way a parent would. The problem is that we parent ourselves in the same way we've been parented, even if we realise it's wrong, because we don't realise we're parenting.
Imagine yourself as one of your children. Someone does something, even something minor that really isn't important, and it upsets your child. You say to your child 'You're pathetic.' How's the little one going to feel? Horrible. They are actually going to start feeling that they are pathetic.
That's what you're doing to yourself. You have your adult self (your mind) and your child self (your feelings/instincts), and your instincts are telling you, very plainly, by using negative emotions, that you don't like certain things. And you are essentially looking at that child/instinctive self, and saying 'Leave me alone, you're useless, you're in the way all the time, and you're pathetic.' You need to start to nurture that part of yourself. This is the change you need to make. You need to think about what you would say to a child who felt the way you did, that would be more supportive. 'Don't you like it here, sweetheart? Let's go somewhere else', 'Do you not like the way he talks to you, darling? That's ok, we
don't have to listen to him if we don't want to.'
When you change the way you deal with your feelings, your feelings will change. Once a child starts to feel heard and taken care of, the crying slows down and eventually stopped.
I was surprised to find that the part of me that used to cry, once I started to listen to it and it calmed down, became my boundaries. I know what I like and what I don't like, and if I don't like something, I say so, rather than telling myself I'm being a problem. And if the person doesn't listen, I distance myself from them.