Out of the blue

[kayai]

I came home from work two weeks ago to my Husband of 20 years crying his eyes out. It turns out that he and my best friend have developed feelings for each other (it hasn't gone any further than emotions yet). He said he had to tell me as it was mentally killing him.
I said if we cut her out of our lives then we may be able to stay together but he won't give her up. He says they're best friends and he needs her in his life. So I've left him. I can't stay knowing he loves someone else. He says he still loves me but he loves her too.

I feel so stupid right now, I had suspicions something was going on but I trusted them both implicitly She was always at my house or messaging him with excuses such as needing help with things. it hurts so much right now.
I'm staying at a friends flat. I don't really know why I'm posting except that writing it down makes it seem more real.
I hate the thought of them being together and I'm in so much pain.
Apologies for the wall of text.

Thank you. We were friends for almost 4 years. I supported her through her relationship breakdown and picked her up and dried her tears. This was how she repaid me.

It takes a special kind of scumbag to do that. Really sorry OP. Hope it goes to shit for them.

Tell your son exactly how this feels for you, how will his dad feed him and pay the rent?

I am going to pay to support my son. He won't suffer because of what his father has done. I won't let that happen. I can stay where I am until the new year thanks to my lovely friend. I am actively looking for a new place too. I've also self referred to counselling. I don't know if it will help but it's worth a try x

Id be telling the fucker he needs to leave until you've sorted somewhere else. Don't make it comfortable for them.

I'll go out on a limb and say that it won't last and that he will come grovelling back once he's realised his mistake.
What a very, very stupid man.
Oh, and the 'I'm afraid of her' nonsense is pure manipulation on her part to ensure he remains in 'white knight' mode.

Nah leave them too it. The house will be full of you and the ow will have to grit her teeth through the lot. Get your own place. ‘Scared of you’ my eyes can’t roll back any further in my head. Honestly. What a pair of wankers.

All I can add to this is a message to stay strong and know you have done the right thing.

I'm full of admiration for you, OP. You've removed yourself so you don't have to listen to his self-serving excuses or the crying or the cheater's script, you aren't doing the pick me dance and you're getting those ducks in a row. He is not going to know what has hit him because he won't have been expecting that.

What a pair of cunts, they deserve each other.

Wish you all the best I think you be okay as hard as it's been.

Ultimately you have done the job for them. You have removed yourself form the situation and now they are free to do as they please.

Block both. Tell all your friends, including mutual friends and family exactly what has happened. Do not "protect" either of them.

You obviously know you're better off without these people of dubious morals in your life OP. Glad that you've got good friends to support you in the next phase of your life.

I own half the business and I'm keeping that.

Just make sure this ^^ is tied down tight legally so you don't lose the ability to properly start a new life for yourself and your DC - especially where finances both personal and for the business is concerned. If necessary, get legal advice to ensure you get a clean separation financially for the business so you're you're not tainted by his actions going forward. 🌹

Sending you huge hugs.

Well done for setting such firm boundaries. It must have been very hard to do, but you really are sending a clear message about what you will and will not accept. And, however things pan out, that will serve you well in the long term.

Lots of hand-holding here.

I also hope her bits dry up along with his knob rotting off.

I'm overwhelmed by all your support. It has given me so much strength that I didn't expect. Thank you all for taking the time out to reply to me. It's very much appreciated x

Just read this and hoping you're hanging in there as best you can x

Him reporting to you that she's "scared" of you just says it all...he didn't even have the balls to keep that disingenuous crap to himself and instead is setting the two of you up to fight while stands by "helpless" 🙄
Not going to wash.

The only thing they're scared of is honesty.

Kudos to you for setting a firm boundary.

Well done op, you've got this

Take time to rest and look after yourself. If you're going to pay towards your son, pay your son directly, let your dh figure out how he's going to support himself, it's not your responsibility.

Scared of you! Pah, more like she's ashamed and doesn't want to face her actions

Just a small update. I am feeling ok at the moment. I've self referred for some counselling just to help me adjust to my new life. They contacted me back within 24 hours and are going to set up some cbt for me. Don't know if it will help but willing to try it.
Work is mostly keeping me going as I get so bored when I'm alone with no one to look after. My friends are all being very supportive but I'm mindful of not taking up all of their precious time. I've gone a whole 24 hours without crying at least.
Really not looking forward to Christmas at the moment though.

You're amazing and should be so proud of yourself.

I second this.

You’ve shown great restraint and dignity OP. I’d have let myself down by letting rip at weak ass and the tramp rather than rise above them as you have. It’s an example of how to conduct yourself without lowering your standards. Keep at it OP and you will get through this fine.

This is all great! I promise it does with time get better. But any work you can do to heal is fantastic.

Christmas will be hard, make sure you take family and friends up on any invites but also have some alone time to just feel those feels.

Plan some things for you that you've always wanted to do, set yourself some fun goals.

Make a playlist of uplifting songs that speak to you when you're low.

Don't feel guilt around how you discuss this with friends. You're healing from trauma and the more you talk and work it through the better.

Hi everyone, just another update. I had an awful time a week ago and after a massive row with the ex I was at crisis point.
He seems to think I should pretend to my son that I'm ok with his new relationship with my ex friend. I won't do that, I've told him I am never going to be ok with it and I am not going to lie to my son.
He accused me of using my son to get at him, which wasn't the case at all. I don't think I am out of order absolutely despising the bitch.
In other news I have a house and I'm hoping to move in soon. I'm trying to get my life on track and even browsed online dating. Yes I know it's quick but I needed a distraction at the time.
I'm starting to look forward to my new life and I can't believe how quickly I have come to terms with everything. (Maybe I haven't, but I'm faking it til I make it) .
Thanks again for all your comments and advice it really does help.

You never need to pretend that you're ok. Your son is a young man and to pretend could confuse him that affairs and lying is ok as it doesn't harm anyone. Of course you are harmed. You have already done the decent thing and let your son stay where he felt most comfortable. He's obviously giving his dad a hard time and your ex expects you to lie to get him off the hook! Unbelievable. How dare he try and blame you for being honest. He got onto the hook - he can damn well deal with how uncomfortable it feels to have betrayed his family. Sending strength 💪