I want to kill her!

[singlemumhelp]

So with my previous thread I decided to block the step mother on Facebook after she put up she has to de-nit his hair (I check daily always have done as school is school.) and I was like it's not needed on Facebook and she claimed it's their every day life so it does, anyways I blocked her and now this is wrong and I apparently don't care for our relationship. Stated I don't need one with her only his dad for purposes of the child, she has kicked off because I bought the same present because my son asked me and she believed when I uploaded it on Facebook I was laughing because she bought it not because I had bought something I was pleased with! AppRently I play the victim etc, when I stated I don't she had the affair with my husband and I only explain how she is. Apparently I am jealous that she has my family.
So drop off today and my son comes home usoet. Irs his birthday this week however they did his birthday this weekend. He tells me his dad told him his Pokémon holder we bought was lame because it doesn't hold as many cards, she told him that he has learnt to tie his shoelaces wrong, she has asked my son to tel her what he asks me for so she can buy it before I do and not tell me.. we are going on holiday next year and my son is excited but said he can't tell daddy as he tells the step mother to try and copy! Told them how he asked me for a Xbox and they said I won't buy it as the the money I get I use for my youngest son only which is crap. As they both hve the same soend, it's me that buys the iPads and Nintendo switches and now this Xbox! They were quick last week to want to go halves on buying school photos though! She expects to come to parents day and wants to be added to the school email losts to get all his updated info i was like again no you can't. She has openly said they couldn't cope full time with him yet appears like all they now want to do is take custody apprnerlt if I have a drink if he's not there or touch drugs (never have) she will take full custody! I don't know who to report this all too, what to even suggest my head hurts. How can people not see how nasty she is

Oh ok right few things as I realise your upset so

Your on the step parenting board so if you want everyone to say she's hideous that's what all sp are like your on shaky ground..

For the what it's worth no you don't need a relationship with her, it's probably best you have blocked her on social media and she shouldn't need to be on emails re schools unless there's a medical need to do so ect

That said about the copying thing, well unless she's said that to you directly, it actually maybe the child playing you guys against each other to get more stuff attention ? That doesn't make the child bad or anything just being a kid.

This is far far to much drama, it needs to shimmer all the way down. You sound stressed, and I'm gonna give the same advice I would give to any mum or sm, step away, step back and just let each other exist without engaging.

Focus on the child. Nothing else matters 💐

You can’t kill her. You can decide you’ll only deal with your ex, keep his wife blocked on fb and block her number. You can decide to dial down the drama which sounds unhelpful for everyone and particularly your son. You can choose not to engage with your son on gossip and hearsay.

No I wasn't expecting anyone to say those things, suppose I was just hoping for some advice on why perhaps she maybe being like this? Or any rights that I have.

Is there any step parents here who have been stopped access to their step children if they could tell me anything about the experience or how it happens etc, purely because right now it's something I want to consider. I have been a step parent myself but I always had that line of respect that you don't over cross is all. And I know some many step parents out there are wonderful and wouldn't ever dream of that. Perhaps step parents on here could advise me how best they would like to be dealt with etc.

I try to no engage with her, I have started messsaging the dad privately not in the group chat they set up, but it still reverts back. Surely like parents day tomorrow how can she not see it's for me and him.

I don't say anything to my son because I want him to make his own opinion and mind and I do believe he wouldn't try to play us off against each other but kids are kids x

@AnneLovesGilbert I obviously won't kill her 🤣 I am trying to no engage; trying to discuss only with the dad but he puts all replies back into the group chat. When my son says anything I do say well that's upto them, or that's their choice because then I can't be accused of bad mouthing. I just don't understand why she's being like it. When I am the one that does everything for him 12 out of 14 days

They aren't even married yet. But she has only just become like this in the last year. The last 5 years she kept her distance, and was respectful. Now she demands Mother's Day with him, thanks for looking after him, and to be involved in every aspect. Today she should have encouraged him that he could do his laces not tell him it was wrong. I just wish she could see how much he gets upset when he comes home from there

Leave the group chat. No one needs that. Tell your ex you’ll engage with him by email or phone calls or whatever the two of you can agree to and don’t have anything to do with her. Assuming she’s not doing any favours by having him by herself and it’s for your ex then it’s up to him to thank her. If you ever ask her for help then obviously stop.

I think your on the wrong board, this is for step parents.I really struggled to read your op, it sounded rushed and abit incoherent at times and jumped to different things.

She is his dad's girlfriend, who only seems to have him two days per fortnight. She is not his mother, she doesn't get mother's Day or parents' evening etc. Delete the group chat establish your boundaries with your ex. This will be damaging to your child, trying to one up/criticise you. Long term your son will just stop wanting to go there.

If she demands thanks for looking after him, you simply tell your ex if he's struggling for childcare you'll keep him at home, you're not the one putting her out. If she's doing any childcare (2 days a fortnight) it's on him not you

My son goes to stay every other weekend, I have to pick him up from school the Friday to then hang around and drop him off to his dad, he drops him back 3.30 Sunday. So less than 48 hours. They never do anything with him, he gets really upset. Always says how his daddy does this and that with the gf but not him. I keep trying to message out of the group chat but he then types his response in it. She apprnerlt now logs into his emails to see the school emails. It's all a bit bizarre really.

Have you considered a parenting app. You can communicate on there and at least you'll have a timestamp record if you need it for court later. I reckon you need to talk a deep breath before you say or reply to anything. Write your reply and then take all the emotion out of it before you send it. Unfortunately, if ex wants her involved there isn't much you can do about it unless she is a risk to your child. I think you need to grey rock. Only discuss DC and only what is important. They don't need to know what gifts you're buying ect.

You won't get sympathy on this board.

But I support you as it's wrong how she is carrying on.

Some men really do meet some terrible women and they are so blinded they bring them round their children. It's utterly torture to have to deal with such toxic women. This probably won't go down well here.

I think as the BM you need to put your foot down he is your child. She can't come in take over.

No she doesn't need to be down at school as a parent. She is bang out of order saying to him those things.

Your really need to speak up and tell your ex how you feel.

My BM was a softie with my SM and if anything don't allow your son to go through this hell. I expect he feels so uneasy around her but obviously he got to see his dad.

I would definitely say NO to all suggestions she vile.

Please stay strong.

Oh and obviously it unreasonable to kill her although its not unreasonable to mentally fantasise about killing her

Leave the group chat.

Message or email when you need to.

Keep all conversations to a minimum, as basic as possible.

Block her on any SM.

Is there a court order in place at the moment?

OK so group chat is for parents only children have two one rooster one hen suggest the talking parents app instead maybe?

With regards to Christmas perhaps moving forward you can suggest a his and her list from your child? This is what you want from mommy what do you want from daddy it took me AGES to stop my son asking everyone for the same gift I told his dad he has asked me for x I've bought it you need to get him something else I ignored the squeal of "your controlling" from him and said if he really wanted gifts duplicated he would have to keep one set there one here because I was not keeping two here this went down predictably badly as he didn't want "kid shit clutter" there he wanted me to have it 🙄 like one year the family said what clothes do they need I said tshirts joggers etc anything but a coat so they bought a coat ok not the end of the world but he also told nanny and ex sil they needed coats so THREE coats they removed the tags so I couldn't "get the money" I sold them on Facebook and bought what they needed its needless pointless combative shit don't rise to it return it to their house they can play/use it over there

Parenting app is a good idea never heard of this before!
I don't tend to mention the presents I have bought, unfortunately my son will mention when he goes or like she does ask him to tell her exactly what he's asked me for so she can get it first. But it's never te big stuff she wants to copy. I just feel for my son as I am trying to be amicable and she is making it so difficult my ex husband is such a different person when she isn't around just wish his family and everyone could see it

An amazon wish list is a good idea you can get it to tick it off when it's been bought so child makes list, l8st gets ticked when it's bought no excuse for duplication

Problem is he use to give his dad a list and he would never buy of ir! So why suddenly now does he buy to copy.

Well you need to take control here.
Delete yourself from the group chat.
Tell him that you will not communicate with SM - and any FB posts about your child will be reported as you do not agree to him being on social media or anything about him being on there.
I would also speak to school and say she isn’t to be invited to parents evenings or similar.

I was just going to suggest a parent app. Then you can block them both any only converse through the app. It's good for keeping a record of what's been said if needed for evidence in the future.

@Quiegal thank you. I just want other step parents views into how they would respond I suppose and that is it my being irrational or is she iver stepping, I try to be positive about his dad and her around our son, school have told her she isn't to be down on the parents list. Irs just sad it's got to this. I wanted us to all get along nicely but for some reason she doesn't. I use to buy her birthday and Christmas, when she was ill send her a message etc I'm not sure why it's gone wrong

People never see it sadly like today I had my ex on the phone demanding to know what game to buy teen ds for Christmas he has already ASKED ds what he wants ds told him he asked again I sent screenshots he rings me while he is in the shop DESPERATELY trying to buy a certain game for ds but I told him I preordered it I've already got it no point in duplication he hasn't got a switch at his house so...?? He finally accepted this game was a no go but ffs get your shit together 😒

No court order as it was never needed. They stuck to the ever other weekend, we're nice and polite and in the last year have done a u turn. Now everything I do is wrong, holidays, days outs, buying Nike shoes, family gatherings. I can't do right

She sounds like an absolute nightmare, who does she think she is?!

Cut contact with her, keep contact with your ex to a minimum, don't tell them anything they don't need to know.

They both sound horrible, your poor son.

See if you can get this post moved to get more rounded advice from people who aren't defensive.

I will suggest the parenting app but I doubt she will be happy with it. I wish so much it would be easy and amicable, I just don't funerstnd why she has changed all of a sudden. She already had the affair with him and now is dead set on the chile too. But their ifestyle isn't going to fit around a child.