Would HRT help my premenstrual rage at DH

[Moveonward]

I’m almost 42 and for the past couple of years have noticed my mood taking a serious downturn the week before my period is due. Im irritable and can’t move on from arguments for a couple of days then my period arrives and my mood stabilises again.

This has got progressively worse to the point almost every month now I’m contemplating divorce the week before my period and I’m filled with utter rage at him- normally about this inability to take on any of the the household mental load and the way he breezes through life forgetting things, breaking things, losing things with an expectation I will pick up the pieces, whilst I hold down a stressful full time job with a long commute 2 kids and I’m the main earner. The anger I feel is justified but not the intensity and the fact it can go from 1-100 in minutes.

I can rant and rave scream and shout and then feel deeply ashamed afterwards that this red hot lava of resentment bubbles up and erupts. It’s always aimed at him and I can exactly time it to the week before and a couple of days into my period.

I’ve read about perimenopausal rage and I wonder if I need HRT. I’m only 42 though- is this too young? I’ve promised myself and DH to speak to the gp this week about it as I think we will end up splitting up soon if I can’t stabilise my mood again.

Has anyone else been in this situation and has HRT helped? I don’t think I need antidepressants as my mood is fairly stable and good for the rest of the month

Sending hugs OP. I'm nearly 45 and been getting this and also extreme emotional crying outbursts. It's awful. I need to do something. Looking at supplements rather than hrt at moment. I hope you feel better soon.

I am also 42 and started getting low mood and angry for at least a week before every period. I have put myself on Yasmin which I am taking back-to-back for 3 packets then a 5 day break.

I felt better almost immediately I am completely stable mood-wise again now.

The thing is, when we cannot control ourselves (I mean me in particular, with PMDD), everything else feels unstable and full of emotions that, when stable, don't seem to happen/happen as much. Eg: my relationship with DH and the children was not what I wanted it to be, and I was so full of remorse and regret, and so afraid of it happening again that it became a see-saw of my emotions and behaviour the whole month. It affects the whole family, and we are so much better for it now that I have it under control with meds.

So. If it's your thyroid or the perimenopause, or whatever, and you get medicated and it's sorted - then what??

You've still got your useless husband who is leaving everything to you. What then?

Whats with the antihistamines @GhostedWife ? I have PMDD and have never seen that suggested.

I hear you OP. I'm 43. Over the past two years DP and I started to notice "the rage". The unholy, 0-100, white hot, red mist rage. I definitely split from him (in my mind!) at least once a month in the run up to my period and I raged long and hard at the most inconsequential things. Daft stuff.

I'm now on HRT/IUD and feel like I'm back to my old self. I also take magnesium, Co-Q-10, B6 and ashwagandha.

Talk to your GP, you don't have to go through this unsupported.

Have the appointment. See if you need HRT and if you do, take it.

It'll make divorcing the useless twat far easier for you if you're on more of a even keel.

If this was the other way round there'd be countless LTB posts.

ODFOD

There'd be more comments - all asking how a man could possibly be struggling in the week before his period, wouldn't there?

Actually I recently had a thread where I was complaining that my husband does nothing due to his medical issues and got rip to shreds for not being supportive…. So it works both ways on Mumsnet!

I agree with other users that you can medicate yourself all you like but it won’t solve the problem of you being at the end of your tether. I’ve taken everything to try and cope in my relationship, I’ve basically numbed myself to the reality of how shit everything is. Don’t be me op, it’s half a life.

Sorry I’ve only read your original post. I’m 39 and have been in the same situation with DH. I’ve starting taking the contraceptive pill and this has helped massively, counselling for me is helping as well as DH learning not to invalidate my feelings when I raise a concern.

I was like this for 18 months. It was directed at my dh and dd (17) both were so
Lazy. I was literally doing everything & then a few days before my period. The horrific rage. Horrible.
It literally ruined my life. Dh was an asshole anyway but my relationship with my oldest daughter is awful.

My doctor didn't take me seriously (older man)
Snd then I got to specialist clinic
Hrt changed me instantly. But it was too late for my marriage and caused a lot of pain & upset.

I hear you & you have my empathy OP

Also have a read at this.
Brilliant

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/caitlin-moran-me-drugs-and-the-perimenopause-mpzn2cdh2

I do think that medication is only half the battle here. Yes, the white hot red mist isn't okay, but it's also true that if he was less useless, you wouldn't be in this situation. Perhaps the conversation with him is that you'll seek medical support and consider taking the drugs and the supplements if he also agrees to step up?

I have noticed that my rage is far less when the resentment has not been building for 3 weeks beforehand and I'm certainly far more able to control it. Not to say the hormones aren't a factor, but they're just shining a light on something that already exists.

It's true though isn't. Female BS and bad behaviour.

@Talon01 You must have missed a lot of salient information in the OP’s posts. Her partner’s laziness and ineptitude crushes her into a life where she’s overloaded and overwhelmed.

Is your husband trying to make amends? Do
more etc? So when you get in at 8.30pm has he cooked dinner, tidied etc? or is it all left to you. Id say those rages were justified if not. Ive got a useless husband too, 51 and wish i was had left him years ago. I only opened my eyes and copped on to his ways in the last 3 years. Love is blind . I have anger and alcohol in the mix too. I used to have rages prob about 44 when started with peri menopause. Dont leave it as long as i did. It sounds like he’s getting away with it all because its not really about him and his uselessness its about your rages. Hopefully that makes sense. Best of luck

Love this, removing any remaining fucks. Exactly how i felt.

Sorry to revive this but am desperate, what natural estrogen do you mean? I guess estriol creams from the pharmacy are not natural? I would be very grateful if you can tell me.

Sorry I don't know, I found all this information out on an expert US website and could never find it again 😭 I don't even know if and how you can get non-synthetic oestrogen in the UK!