Would HRT help my premenstrual rage at DH

[Moveonward]

I’m almost 42 and for the past couple of years have noticed my mood taking a serious downturn the week before my period is due. Im irritable and can’t move on from arguments for a couple of days then my period arrives and my mood stabilises again.

This has got progressively worse to the point almost every month now I’m contemplating divorce the week before my period and I’m filled with utter rage at him- normally about this inability to take on any of the the household mental load and the way he breezes through life forgetting things, breaking things, losing things with an expectation I will pick up the pieces, whilst I hold down a stressful full time job with a long commute 2 kids and I’m the main earner. The anger I feel is justified but not the intensity and the fact it can go from 1-100 in minutes.

I can rant and rave scream and shout and then feel deeply ashamed afterwards that this red hot lava of resentment bubbles up and erupts. It’s always aimed at him and I can exactly time it to the week before and a couple of days into my period.

I’ve read about perimenopausal rage and I wonder if I need HRT. I’m only 42 though- is this too young? I’ve promised myself and DH to speak to the gp this week about it as I think we will end up splitting up soon if I can’t stabilise my mood again.

Has anyone else been in this situation and has HRT helped? I don’t think I need antidepressants as my mood is fairly stable and good for the rest of the month

I have an underactive thyroid too- I have had more hair loss recently as well as more insomnia and brain fog. I’ve been putting it down to perimenopausal symptoms but maybe I need my bloods checked again. I’ll mention this when I speak to my gp

HRT helped my rage OP yes.

We talk about it a lot afterwards and he admits that his behaviour is the only thing that seems to trigger me.. having said that I am ashamed
of myself afterwards

Possibly controversially, I would say that the menopause transition is wonderful for removing any remaining fucks we have to give about speaking out. My tolerance for BS dropped like a stone. Hormone shifts just seem to magnify areas of tension in our lives. By all means, do try HRT, but you sound very frustrated with carrying your partner for this long.

You can also look into Agnus Castus. It's been a game changer for me. I could tell you where I was in my cycle by my mood. My periods gradually had become closer together too. I would feel irritable that progressed to a rage. I was unpleasant and then upset because I was unpleasant

I think that’s what I’m hoping.. it’s so connected to my cycle. A couple of weeks ago DH and I went out for lunch together and we commented on how nice it was and how we had to brace
ourselves for the coming storm of rage in the next fortnight.

That’s why I don’t think I need antidepressants as my mood is so connected to where i am in my cycle. I can’t carry on like this until my periods stop.. my family will have grown to hate me by then

HRT calmed this for me. I got as far as meeting a divorce lawyer in the peak rage time.
HRT worked within a month. I was still cross about imbalance of household responsibilities but once the rage was gone, I could harness the "no fucks left" (wonderful state, I love it!) into a proper conversation about getting his act together.

This is the definite trigger- my resentment that I’ve stepped up, work long hrs and sacrifice time with the kids and he cannot remember the tiniest thing. I said I’m the CEO and operational manager for our whole family life!

Reading the thread with interest as I have the same issue, except at work. It's not unreasonable to be angry at the things that upset me, but it is unreasonable to be absolutely unable to control the fury.

I hear you OP.

I'm early 50s. Never had much PMT until after DD1 born and then eventually got diagnosed with PMDD and took Prozac for years - absolute game changer. Fell pregnant with DD2 and came off the medication when my periods returned I was still BF so couldn't go back on so had a mirena coil fitted. Again, sorted the PMDD. The rage was terrifying for me, DD1 and DH!

Still have the coil and now also have HRT for sweats and hot flashes, which sorted them out.

Anyway, yes, speak to your GP.

I can totally relate to this but I’m a few years on. DH works less hours than me but I always did 90% of mental load and emotional labour and a bigger share of domestic chores.

With shifts in my hormones I just couldn’t tolerate it any more. It would be absolutely awful just before my period then after it was like I was a different person. When I’m in the rage zone everything about DH makes me want to cave his head in with a rock. I totally relate to the PP who used to look at RightMove to see what she could afford post divorce - me too.

These things have helped;

1. HRT
2. Fair Play by Eve Rodesky - over a period of years I’d been trying to get him to see the burden I was carrying and he would but then it would revert back. Doing the fair play cards helped to highlight just how much there is to do and gives us an external structure so it’s not me having to push for it.
3. looking after myself more and resting when I need to. I still have to fight the guilt if I take time out for me.

it’s still a work in progress though and I still sometimes have awful thoughts about him but it’s nowhere near as bad. Most of the time…

Good luck 💐

Try a peri menopausal supplement from health and her
i was the same a week before period but with irrational crying and emotional
these tablets have helped so much

Mirena coil helped my monthly rages.

Yes

I am forty-five. I realised I was perimenopausal at the age of forty, so no, you're not too young.

I had to endure it for four years before anyone would help me. Eventually I was given evorel patches and utrogestan, and I started to feel a lot less hostile, in less pain, and sleeping better.

So yeah I think you should talk to a doc about if, but before you do that, can you get rid of that useless flap of a man too? With HRT, and no idiot man, your life will probably improve significantly.

You realise how your DH is taking the piss. And how unbalanced and unfair things are.No wonder you have rage.

If he knows it's his behaviors then why doesn't he sincerely try to stop dumping on you.

That said, menopause did unleash my zero fucks.

I was getting this. I changed my pill (now on yasmin) and it has helped. Not solved it, but helped.

Reading all the suggestions with interest though. Especially the antihistamine - I have allergies and recently couldn't get my usual antihistamine at the chemist so bought allevia.

Your not alone.

I used to get huge rage from around my early 40s. Like you it was justified anger but out of all proportion. Afterwards I felt terrible. If I wasn't raging I was crying though rage was my usual.

I started hrt and it changed everything. I still get angry but it's proportional to the situation.

I was starting to become someone I didn't like anymore, hrt has made me feel like myself again.

Good luck

This.

It does sound like your rage is justified, but not the way you express it.

Your h has to step up and take on half the emotional burden and wife work.

It sounds like medication may help you, but please take it for you, not too dull your feelings about your useless h. Good luck. 💐

I have pmdd and HRT has really helped. The GP was useless though, i had to see a gynaecologist.

I know exactly what you mean - for me it's like I have a disproportionately high reaction to stuff that annoys me all month. The problem is then the conversation becomes about the row one has had rather than the thing that triggered the row.

Vitb6 and magnesium do also help

a few years ago I called my doctor as I was struggling so much. In my case, the rage was exacerbated by what I refer to as Pre-Menstrual-Insomnia. I had a full swathe of blood tests and was low iron, low vitamin D. I've also started taking Omega 3 religiously and am planning to start taking magnesium too.

I have heard of women who take anti-depressants just in the week prior to their period.

However, the underlying issue which was resentment at DH had to be addressed too. I felt like I was at breaking point. It was relentless and I felt like while he spent a lot of time "doing" stuff, he never stopped to think and it was all left to me. That has been an ongoing conversation but lots of progress has been made.

Is there a handmaiden on every fucking thread now, feeling the need to post “ if this was the other way around…”
🙄

Also, it's irrelevant. OP Is seeking help to address her behaviour. If a man came on here and said he'd been abusing his wife and he wanted to stop, that's a different thing.

I thought I’d get some comeback like this quite honestly..
the thing is when things are calmer, DH recognises that my rage is only ever directed at him and only after he’s done another thoughtless thing where I’ve hadn’t had the forethought to micromanage a task and he just falls short.

This week alone for example we’ve had leaving half my daughters swim kit at swimming lessons,( just didn’t look properly when he packed everything up) leaving the front door unlocked overnight and promising to make my daughters birthday cake and then didn’t make any moves to get the ingredients or make a decision as to what he was going to make and so I had to step
in at the 11th hr and buy ingredients and bake the damn cake… this is why I’m erupting but it’s the severity of my reaction which is too much