He Helps In The House

[TheShellBeach]

Does he, indeed?

I despair when I read threads in which women berate their husbands/partners for some awful transgression (like violence or coercive control) but then say "however, he helps a bit in the house." You know, as if hoovering once a week means his share of the housework is somehow equal to theirs.

Come off it. Housework is a chore and a joint enterprise. My DH and I share the work equally, and that used to include the childcare when the DC were little.

Unfortunately not everyone is as fortunate as you.

I know that, sorry. I wasn't trying to boast about how wonderful my DH is.

This was just a general comment about how women are prepared to settle for so little.

It's not good fortune though is it? It's good decision making of not living with someone who thinks you should do everything as the norm whilst they 'help'.

Yes, that is the point I was making.

I know, I was responding to the poster who was calling you fortunate.

Men don’t change for the better and take on more of the shit work when children arrive. If he’s a cave man before you get pregnant he’ll continue being one after and you may find you have less time, energy, inclination to do his share for him once you’ve got a genuine dependant who relies on you 24/7 and you’re exhausted and all the childcare plus housework will kill any love you have for him.

It’s highly frowned upon on here to ask if the useless bloke was like this before you chose to have a child with him but that’s because most of the time he was.

It is good fortune though, isn't it, because generally the posts you see on here are from women whose husbands changed after they married/had kids or whatever

Lol, my husband just now said he was going out to hang the new letterbox "for you (me)" . He knew by my look, didnt need to even say 'oh because you never get any fucking post here?'
I abhor the notion thar men 'help' women around the house. Its called doing your fair share.

You don't help if you live in a house as an adult. You do your share

Exactement.

Do you mean the men got worse after marriage?

Yeah @TheShellBeach. Loads of posters say that. And the ones who promise they'll behave better after the baby's born or whatever and never do. And the ones who encourage women to give up work and promise to share the load.

Not to mention the ones who say they'll look after their partners and children forever, then they bugger off with another woman.

I do think women these day have a choice, or series of choices really, that lead to them becoming domestic drudges for their menfolk.
You see if for male children too, I know of a few women who utterly pamper their male children (white British women) but not their daughters.
It starts young, but I don't know how any women would want to date a young man whose mums clean and wash and cook for them a decade after they have left home.

Why write a post picking on women with shit partners ?
I don’t Understand your thinking

I would also like to know the answer to this question.

OP. I am with you 100%.

I literally have to check my watch (‘Yep, 2022’) for some of these posts. I don’t want to victim blame but fucking hell these women are blind to the low bar they set.

Although he did do shopping, my dad did jack in the house. I never saw him do anything more than put the kettle on. To make coffee for himself.

I don't think it's that. It's more about being clear that a home is the joint responsibility of the adults who live in it and anything less is laziness/misogyny. And values from 1951.

Yep. One of the most important choices you will make is who your partner is but so many pretend it isn't a choice they've made - almost as if these shit men have been thrust upon them and they don't know how to deal with it.

They've chosen these crappy men and then chosen to breed with them and then are surprised they're crap partners and dads.

This used to be me . I used to to lie to mysefl to make myself feel better . But i knew i was lying and felt shit and overworked anyways

Women pick their partners. ‘Luck’ has nothing to do with it.

I've often assumed that the women who put up with it think that the alternative is having "no man".
Which might or might not be true... what proportion of men are like this? And what proportion of those ones are malleable?

Wow - what a horrible thread. Some people really don't know how much luck has played a part in their lives from the moment they are born.

For all the self-congratulated brilliant decision makers on this thread, there is a serious lack of empathy.

What a horrible thread. You're not doing down the shit men, you're saying the women living with this are to blame for it. Enjoy your high horses.