My husband is a dick to me a lot of the time. He is passive aggressive, often muttering insults or out downs to me. If I do manage to speak up to make a point about something and he's not happy with it he will continue arguing in an aggressive manor saying "you're right, you're right that ABC results in XYZ, and JKL and OMNOP!!" And basically finds a way to twist whatever I say or feel so it's flipped around on me making me look bad and selfish. He has the incredible talent of always making himself out to be the victim. He also always picks arguments and puts me down in front of the children getting them involved and they witness it and I'm worried my son will pick up on it and find it an acceptable way to talk and treat people.
The other day my husband got angry with me in the car because he was trying to turn into a land of traffic and was hesitating and dithering about so I said for him to just signal and start to creep forward and someone will eventually let him in. He got angry with me and out me down and my son pipped up from the back and sided with me. Husband got angry at us both and turns into a big fucking baby saying that he's "never right and he's not going to drive again etc and how he tried so hard but no one in the family likes him" Just poor me type shit to make us feel bad and victimising himself like a Fucking baby.
If I do challenge him on anything - for example I said the other day that he was being passive aggressive, he flipped out at me and yelled "oh stop using this terminology! Where are you getting it from, you and all your books you read!" (I am reading a few about my ADHD) I used another term once and he accused me of speaking to someone about my problems who 'gave me the word'
I also don't like the way my husband speaks to our son. I'm sure my son also has ADHD and sometimes does things for attention or just a dopamine hit. The other day my son whacked his sleeve against his younger sisters back for no reason and she started crying. I get angry with him but try and talk it though with him while my husband yells and outs him down making him feel shame and guilt and when my son says sorry my husband throws it back in his face shouting "no you're not. If you're sorry you wouldn't have done it. You're not sorry. Your sorry's don't mean anything anymore because you keep doing it!" He just constantly yells and repeats that any time my son tries to apologise and often makes my son cry.
Leaving is not an option for me. So please don't suggest that. I am just wondering if there is a service that offers free counselling for myself that I could speak to who could help me understand and come up with some succinct points and tell me whether some of my concerns are valid, and then come up with a plan of action as to how to involve my husband in the counselling in the future. I do not have any money or savings. Basically because I don't make much but also because of my adhd which results in me vein piss poor at budgeting and saving. I only get £300 each month from my paycheque to use for my adhd medication, personal things like toiletries, any clothes needed, food when I'm out with friends etc, so it doesn't stretch far. I can't really afford to pay £100+ for a councillor 😔