I've been friends with these two women since we were all 19, they have been friends with each other for much longer as they met in primary school. Two of us still live locally, the other in Essex as she works in London, but visits 'oop North' every three/four weeks, and meets us for drinks. Because of their shared history before we met I've always felt on the periphery a little, though one of them has reassured me there's nothing wrong.
One of these two, Yorkshire Lass, has been married, now divorced with two old enough to be independent kids, the other, Essex Girl, never married no children, and this one I've been on holiday with several times over the years - mini breaks and so on every year though not for a very long time now for a variety of reasons, but that isn't a problem, just illustrative.
Essex Girl has always been a bit moody as long as I've known her. She's very reserved, and quite insular, works in London but commutes two hours each way (maybe longer) and as a result her work is her life and her colleagues her social life - though they are all lunches and work events, possibly because of where everyone lives. Whereas the other two of us will talk about our lives and friends, she talks about work and her work colleagues, who we don't know, but that's her life and we listen.
Essex Girl and I have (she does it with Yorkshire Lass too) always had sort of regular WhatsApp and chat, always on Saturdays about Strictly (sort of back and forth about the dances) and usually a Saturday morning one, instigated by her, about the morning and what she's planned, and I will reply. This went on until two weekends ago. She was last here the weekend before Halloween and we went out for supper and a chat. Yorkshire Lass didn't come as she was away herself but Essex Girl and I chatted. She brought up, for some reason, my ex and asked why I bothered starting a relationship with him, and I said I didn't know, I was very young, and I wouldn't bother if I had my time again. It came out of the blue. She'd brought me up a 'token' Christmas present too, as she wouldn't be here again before Christmas.
As I said last text convo was two weeks ago, about Tony Adams leaving Strictly. I messaged her midweek to tell her something, and she didn't reply. I left it again until last Saturday, telling her I was in London and no answer. Messaged her Sunday last week again no answer. Blue ticks, so read. I haven't messaged her since, because it seems she doesn't want to talk to me, but I have no idea why.
I messaged Yorkshire Lass on Sunday last week to ask if she had heard from her as she wasn't answering me, said she'd spoken to her Saturday and she seemed fine. She also knows that this has happened before. I don't want to bombard someone who doesn't want to talk to me, but if she doesn't want to be friends with me, I have upset her inadvertently or she is annoyed by anything I've sent her (which I can't see she can be) I'd like to know.
She has done this before - a few years ago and I sent her a jokey message calling her out. She said she had done this because she had 'supported me through my problems' - my post at that time was dependent on funding and it was the 11th hour that funding was agreed. I was terrified of losing my house with no income, and was in a very bad place. She did 'support' in the sense of messages 'something will come up/don't worry/it'll be ok' but nothing practical. But apparently I hadn't bothered asking about her gran who had Alzheimer's and she took offence. I'm sorry but I had other priorities and it didn't cross my mind. She had been in a home for years then and nothing had changed for years.
We are very, very different people, and she doesn't like cats. I have six, and I'm 'not allowed' to mention them in front of her as she doesn't like them, to the extent of when one of them in the past has died, I've not been able to gain any support from her as a friend which I think I'd do, on the basis of friendship rather than liking cats! Again, this is just illustrative, not an issue to be resolved.
Sorry that's a bit long. I feel very stupid here and I don't know what to do without making things worse, and then Yorkshire Lass is in the middle, and if I decided sod it, it would be difficult as they've been friends for 37 years whereas I've been mates with them both a mere 23 years.
I'm really at a loss as to what to say. The usual Strictly messages haven't been forthcoming today so there is summat up, as we say in Yorkshire.
I need help constructing a message to her, and whether I copy Yorkshire Lass into anything.
Thanks for patience reading this far 