Harassment - just need to unpack this

[RelievedItsOver]

I've name changed for this but my post may be outing.

I met a guy on OLD in August and we dated for about 2 months. In that time I tried to cool things off as there were too many red flags. He fell for me when he first met me. In early october I told him I didnt want to pursue a relationship, it was all too weird.

Since beginning of october I have been continuously harassed via texts of him. I blocked his number but I can see my blocked messages in my blocked folder on my phone.

Day after day, I was constantly bombarded with messages, nay, essays from this guy about how much he loved me, I've hurt him, then he would go into angry mode and tell me to fuck off even though I was NC with him, only for him to be apologetic and playing on massive guilt trips on me. His moods were up and down like fuck, it was pretty scary.

His mum whom he lives with even messaged me on fb (I dont know her) writing paragraphs after paragraph of how much of a great guy he is and she was hoping we could "sort things out".

Long story short, things escalated on wednesday so I called the police. They've talked to me tonight and given him a caution. Any further contact to me will result in his arrest.

Not sure what I'm posting for but for the first time I nearly two months i feel so fucking relieved. He messaged me at 5.30 today but hasn't since and the police called him at 8pm.

I'm so relieved they took my call seriously and treated it as such. I had doubts and thought they would shrug it off but they have been great. I just need to get this off my chest, I've felt so burdened since early october. Its finally over. I will sleep tonight.

Ring 111. Report the continued harassment and stalking. Please stop underplaying how serious this is.

you say you dated him 4 times over 2 months, so presumably seeing him every fortnight or so.
you tried to cool things as there were too many red flags.
can you consider that you have a habit of being too passive, or unrealistic, underplaying the situation.
i agree with others.
you need to take decisive action.
you cannot know that he is or always will be harmless.

you need to stop relying on your judgement to manage the situation.
it needs to end.

Thanks to who ever resurrected this thread today. On the back of it, I have emailed directly the PC who was dealing with my case. I was going to kick this into the long grass as I've got a lot of unrelated stuff going on at the mo. So thanks for highlighting how creepy this guy is, I had put it to the back of my mind for my own sanity til now.

Sorry, wrong thread, I’ve reported!!

Update: I contacted his county police force as I hadn't heard anything. They've been in touch over the weekend and have said they are going to interview him. No idea what will happen after that but we shall see.

OP: are his initials DW by any chance? Sounds like an exact replica of someone I was involved with a few years back.

Sorry it's happened to you too, it's really distressing.

Different initials to mine though. Can I ask what you did? I'm getting worried about police involvement etc but only when I dwell on it. I dont really want to end up in court, I just want this saga to end.

I had the police involved numerous times, which ended up with him being arrested at least once. He turned up at my house. I blocked his number but he could still email unfortunately. He was violent with alcoholic tendencies. Used to threaten suicide too. If it’s any comfort, he did eventually give up. It did help that he lived in a different county too. Stay strong x

I bet that was scary. Did it end up in court? Did you have to go? Sorry for all the questions, I really dont want to go to court over this guy. Everyone knowing my business, having to explain to work, my family etc.

No, I decided not to go to court in the end. Dropped charges. Pretty much for the reasons you’ve described. In retrospect, maybe I should’ve though.

I completely understand why people decide to withdraw their statements / disengage from the process in harassment and stalking cases. It is so, so intrusive and scary so I really get it.

I'm glad in my case that I was encouraged by the police to remain engaged in the process and very aware I was lucky they were supportive and not all forces are.

The perpetrator in my case changed his plea to not guilty on the court date, which my team advised me is very common. They hold out until the last minute to pressure us into being scared of the court process, especially giving a witness statement in person, then if it becomes clear we will, many of them change plea. Fucking cowards.

Mine now has a criminal record for harassment which makes me pleased as it should be of benefit if he does it again to someone which unfortunately he probably will.

The police said at the time that often in these cases the perpetrator changes the victim but not the behaviours. So depressing and scary 😞

I would encourage you to explore all options but I 100% get why many people choose to disengage from the process.