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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband says I'm no fun.

32 replies

Yoyocake · 25/11/2022 23:37

It's true I am no fun. I'm a full time carer (24hrs a day 7 days a week) to my disabled daughter with no respite or support from anyone.
My husband refuses emotional support, to help me and spends no time with me. Tonight he says that couples watching tv together and having a glass of wine is a fairytale and theres nothing in it for him. Yes i'm boring and exhausted and no fun. Where's the way forward here?

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 25/11/2022 23:38

What a prick. I would point out I would be less exhausted and more fun if I didn’t have caring responsibilities 24/7, and would he like to swap? 💐

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 25/11/2022 23:40

Why doesn't he help?!

Bestcatmum · 25/11/2022 23:41

Dump his ass. Prick.

UWhatNow · 25/11/2022 23:44

Couples that watch tv and drink wine together would probably share caring responsibilities too. Does he realise that? It’s about partnership. Why doesn’t he do anything to support? How has it got to this point?

Original poster
Yoyocake · 25/11/2022 23:46

He doesn't think he has to help because he's a man and that's not what men do. He got a part time job 2 weeks ago because he was fed up of me nagging him to help me.

OP posts:
Soothsayer1 · 25/11/2022 23:47

Christ on a bike he's VILE
can you have a talk with him, is it salvageable?

Sillysausage2 · 25/11/2022 23:48

What a useless bollix, LTB

Soothsayer1 · 25/11/2022 23:48

because he's a man and that's not what men do
self serving bs drivel!
Sounds like you need to not have him in your life

Original poster
Yoyocake · 25/11/2022 23:50

He has started reading self help get "what you want as a man" , "no more mr nice guy" type books. And he believes them.

OP posts:
MetellaInHortoEst · 25/11/2022 23:52

Divorce him. He’s radicalising himself. He’s an idiot and he’s a lazy arse.

What are you actually getting out of the relationship?

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 25/11/2022 23:53

Oh he sounds just horrible! Yuck. I'm so sorry for you, you sound amazing. Please kick him out;

Original poster
Yoyocake · 25/11/2022 23:55

I figure it won't be any different if i'm on my own. I won't magically have any help. It would just be disruption for my daughter as we would have to move. So I put up with it.

OP posts:
anyonenowheremypenis · 25/11/2022 23:56

Husband says you’re no fun? I bet I know a way you will be more fun…ditch the knob. No one should have to put up with that crap.

SandyY2K · 25/11/2022 23:56

He got a part time job 2 weeks ago because he was fed up of me nagging him to help me

Was he not working before?

He sounds pretty crap... what are his good points?

What did you see in him that led yo marriage?

MetellaInHortoEst · 26/11/2022 00:01

Why would you have to move? Does he own the house? You might be able to get a legal order to stay.

Original poster
Yoyocake · 26/11/2022 00:04

He made money via investments so said he didn't need to do anything because he provided. So he had lots of free time to do as he pleased but was providing.

Before that when we got together we both worked, I gave up work to look after our daughter when she was born and then this started. I don't earn so I have to do everything. I home educate, plan, cook, clean. She is Autistic, I also have fibromyalgia but it's not enough for him to help because he is stubborn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yoyocake · 26/11/2022 00:07

I don't even know anymore. I'm too scared to go it alone with no help. No friends or family to help me through it. I'm so isolated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yoyocake · 26/11/2022 00:08

I wouldn’t be able to afford it or maintain it on my own.

OP posts:
MetellaInHortoEst · 26/11/2022 00:10

You need some support, and to talk. You’re overloaded, isolated and apparently also in a toxic relationship. It happens to women a lot, because it’s almost always us that takes on the unexpected care burden and then support structures and financial independence fall away.

Can you find a helpline for carers to talk to? Womens Aid too I think. Do you get any respite at all? (Professional or family?)

MetellaInHortoEst · 26/11/2022 00:17

How old is your daughter?

Original poster
Yoyocake · 26/11/2022 00:18

I signed up for respite hours and my daughter did her first 1 hour this week but the session is a 40 min drive each way. So at this point it's not really feeling like a break. She has attachment issues and can't tolerate change so that one hour makes her very clingy and emotionally needy with severe meltdowns. I'm hoping it will get better. My step mum has terminal cancer, dad leukaemia and my mum is a hoarder. That's my support going forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yoyocake · 26/11/2022 00:19

She is 11.

OP posts:
Msgrieves · 26/11/2022 00:22

Ffs what a pathetic twat. Might agree if you were both dating, does he have no morals whatsoever?

Msgrieves · 26/11/2022 00:23

Where in the world are you?

Watchthesunrise · 26/11/2022 00:25

This sounds a bit cold, I'm sorry, it's not meant to be cold. Think of it as future planning.

Make sure your ill father knows in no uncertain terms what it it would mean for you to be well provided-for in his will. Have this discussion with your step mother too. It is important they know the reality of your financial situation.