Realised today it's over

[Betteroffalone88]

16 year relationship (12 years married) has been on the rocks for a while but today I realised its over. Here's what tipped me over the edge

Had to cancel a planned work trip to a customer site as we have no heating and an engineer needed to come out. Trip had been planned for a while and I can wfh but this was an in person visit that he knew was important to my job. So i will not be in the good books for not going. No offer of him taking a day off to sort anything even tho he has tons of annual leave to use by the end of the year and his boss would have said yes

He moaned that he no clean clothes or underwear (which is true as we're struggling to dry it) so worked through 4 loads today and gave in and used the tumble dryer. Moaned because I haven't put it all away yet because I was working! And then said when I do it will all be wrong anyway.

Called me a bad parent as I said I don't think an 18 month old will understand time out yet. When I said this he accused me of call our child stupid (I did not mean this in the slightest I just meant developmentally they may not understand)

Moaned I left the microwave door open slightly after doing my lunch and then having to answer a call

Didn't put the cups away properly after emptying the dishwasher

These may seem like petty things but after years of constant belittling, being shouted at, told I'm useless at everything I am done. I can't deal with this anymore

Sounds like a brave, but important decision. I've just left a similar husband, it just clicked one day that I'd had enough. Stay strong, and you will be able to do this. It will be hard at times but ultimately you can make a new life for yourself. It doesn't sound petty, years if being spoken to like that wears you down.

Yes, time's up. Just imagine how much better life will be without that constant negativity and fault-finding. Good luck.

I don't think years of this behaviour is petty. I think it sucks the joy out of life, undermines your confidence and just becomes exhausting and frankly boring. It seems perfectly reasonable to have had enough and want to live free from it.
Good luck with the new life

Surely having a partner is supposed to improve the quality of your life, not make it miserable? If it's not making you happier, what's the point? Your dh sounds a nightmare. Just LTB.

He wants to out an 18 month old in time out?! What a stupid weirdo. And the rest of what you describe is awful too.

Leave him OP you will be so much happier without this man.

You are 'Useless at everything', coming from a man who can't wash his own fucking pants?

I rarely say this but, you will be much happier without him. He sounds like an absolute drag. Do not stay married to this mean old bore.

OP none of the examples you wrote are petty, day in and day out over time is nothing short of mental torture. I truly understand, I was in a similar situation.

Then I finally had a lightbulb moment and it sounds pathetic and it was but it made me realise what a downtrodden truly miserable life I was leading.

I asked him (my now ex) if it was ok if I made my self a cup of tea!!
I was asking permission to make a hot drink! In my own house!

By the time the kettle had boiled, I knew if I didn’t end the relationship this was my life and it was no life.

I wouldn’t wish that type of “existence” on anyone. I lost myself somewhere down the road in the relationship, it took me a long time to be “me” again. OP you need to be you again, just keep focusing on looking forward, never back and walk away. 💐

Good on you OP.
A better life awaits you.

Just think how much better your life will be. Whatever you do, however you do it will never be good enough. You won’t make this miserable cunt happy, so don’t try. Focus on your and your babies happiness, minus the naughty step.

Thank you everyone

Last night ended up in a shouting match once the kids were in bed. Same argument we always have, how everything is done my way and how he doesn't get a say etc. But he works nights and is barely here at weekends as he's at football so I'm not sure what I'm not meant to do

He also called me a lunatic for still wanting a baby monitor in the 18 month olds room and a bad mother for everything I do. So yeah.

Death by a thousand cuts. He sounds a right misery. Almost as if he is delberately looking for things to pick on.
Make up your mind that you deserve better and work towards that goal.

Time out doesn't work, especially fir an 18 month old. Time in however does work. Definitely time to end it by the sounds of things

Oh my goodness I read posts like yours and makes me so sad and angry. U left my husband 3 years ago. Hardest but best thing I ever did. The fact that I don't waash clothes or put away quickly enough is my life choice I don't need some bell end instructing me how to do it. My husband never lifted a finger saw his role as working and that's it. It was so draining

Well done on making the right decision. Just think how wonderful next Christmas (and every day of the year) will be for you and the children when you have got rid of that vile man.

Yeah, good riddance of this joy sucking specimen. Your life will be lighter and happier without him!

Today's moan has been that the dishwasher didn't work properly last night (which is obviously my fault) which he proceeded to come and tell me while I was on a call for work

I just don't want to only see my children every other weekend. How do I go from having them all the time to splitting custody?

Good for you. He sounds vile.

Was he always like this? Or just after the children were conceived?

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune he has definitely been worse since the children

We went through counselling after the first as he wasn't happy with how I did things (ie he didn't get enough attention/sex and I prioritised the children over him)

It's the same again, because he isn't the centre of the universe he's sulking. I just can't deal with a man child anymore

Why do you think you would see them so little?

Would he actually do 50/50? Or would he just threaten it to spite you?

You usually find that they bluster and threaten to have full custody, then 50/50 and soon revert to 2 hours in McDonalds on a sunday afternoon. That's the last thing to stress over, honestly.

But despite all that you chose him as the father for additional children. That is perplexing. He doesn't sound like a good dad.

I doubt he will fight for any custody so that probably shouldn't be a primary concern as you make plans for the future.

I'm sorry I don't k ow how many children you have and he won't go full custody anyway. Stop using that as a reason to stop you being happy.

When kids are with dad, you will need that time to recover from single parenting. After the recovery stage you will start to enjoy your time alone and embrace being youself. Picture your life in 10 years if you stay with this man. That should make it clearer for you.

Had to cancel a planned work trip to a customer site as we have no heating and an engineer needed to come out. Trip had been planned for a while and I can wfh but this was an in person visit that he knew was important to my job. So i will not be in the good books for not going. No offer of him taking a day off to sort anything even tho he has tons of annual leave to use by the end of the year and his boss would have said yes

Why did you 'have to' cancel. You need to prioritize your own interests and let him deal with the fallout. No point risking your job when you are clearly going to be a single parent soon...

Oh love, please leave this miserable bitter manchild behind you. You are worth so much more than this. Being a single mum isn't easy but it is so so much better than living like that. I stayed for far too long, very similar to what you're explaining and it just got worse. And worse. And worse. Have been told this week I have PTSD and I left almost four years ago but it's taken its toll on me so badly because I didn't get out quick enough. It went from rubbish to awful to hell on earth. It's only when you leave and start to confide in people, both on here and in real life, that you start to realise just how common this is. It's abuse. Took me a long time to accept that, but it's awful. Get out now would be my advice, he won't change xx