Emotional abuse?

[Nancienoo]

Hi I’m posting for some advice really I’ve been with my partner for 5 years we have a two year old daughter, we both have two sons of our own mine 14 and his 8. Since my baby was born he’s changed for the past two years he questions where I’ve been when I tell him I’ve been out with my sister he says we go out to get looks of men and Shopping addiction. He calls me bad names just a few fat, Mong, ugly, saggy. We go out and he accuses me of looking at other men and most of the time unless we’re somewhere secluded I walk looking at the floor, hel go away for weeks and block me silence me. On the weekend we had his son around who was crying because he said he didn’t want to sleep at nans he wanted to go home to be in bed with his mum very upset. I suggested him to hug him as he was really upset, my partner stood up called me a f**cking Mong and told me to shut up dog. Then walked out with his son come back to collect his sons bag I walked to the front door to wave goodbye to his son and is son was laughing.
sorry it long just wanting to know if this sounds like some emotional abuse

You have to ask? Of course it is, the question is what are you going to do about it

Yes. It's abusive

I cannot believe you have to ask if this is normal!

It is the most appalling abuse, l have never been spoken to like that in my whole life by any boyfriend or my DH, despite the inevitable arguments and stressful times.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL he is a monster. Please make plans to leave.

Yes it is.

My ex was a insert any swear word here

Verbal abuse
Put downs
Name calling
Projection
Anger
Silent treatments

Emotional abuse.

Controlling you

Abuse

Trying to isolate you abuse.

Get rid of him!

Im leaving the relationship what concerns me is my daughter even having her over is making me nervous in a ideal world i wouldn’t need to

Yes its abusive please contact women's aid they can give you advice and put you in touch with local support.

You don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that this is an acceptable way to be treated

He’s blames his childhood abandonment issues as his dad left him, from what his mums told me his dad was similar. Also he lost his grandad two years ago and comes back with how sorry he is he’s going through a stressful time but now is rather be alone than live with it

My therapist said what my ex did to me was worse than two black eyes and honestly I agree. Physical abuse is so dangerous and as EQUALY bad as mental amd emotional abuse. It's even worse because there's no evidence.

Anxiety
Egg shells
Poor sleep
Crying all the time
Keeping the peace.
Brain fog

No earing enough
Not enjoying the things you liked anymore
Wearing stuff to please someone else.
Not being allowed access to money.
Having to cut off people to keep them happy.
Worried to bring up issues.
Being shut down with anger and silent treatments

This is how you'll feel

I suppose I’m just looking for some support and want to do about him seeing daughter

My exes dad used to take my ex to womens homes as a kid and give him crisps and tell him not to tell his mum what he was doing.

He hates his dad now he's 49 but his top behaviour is lying to his partners. Cheating. Texting women. Shouting. Reckless spending lying.

Sadly most people with narcisstic traits have Rocky childhoods.

Chapter 111 this is exactly how I feel a few week ago I was growing my hair out I’m blonde and wanted to go back natural he told me I look rough I need to get hair done he went on until eventually I did it. There’s the time he wouldn’t eat because it wasn’t organic last Christmas he left us all Christmas and blocked me

that’s the thing I could say that but he had quite a good childhood yes his dad left them but his mum is great, he him self told me he spent a lot of time at nan and grandads if anything he felt no love from mum she never hugged him etc, surely that’s no excuse his dad died but his own mum told me to leave as his dad was the same. She even told me to keep daughter away

You can't change what happened to him in his childhood but you can change what happens to you and your children. Get away from this man as soon as possible.

as I said he blocks me so at the min that’s where we are, thankfully it’s my house I own it and everything in it. It would be easy if we didn’t have a child together I really do want to get out of it I do feel the abuse will go on through access to my daughter

His mum called last night and told me it keeps her up at night how he is, she told me to keep my daughter away from him

My Ex loved his mum to. It's just messed up.
My hair was too long. He wanted it curly. He wanted me in shorts but I liked midi skirts. Constant comparisons to other women.

It's hard for anyone that's not experienced this type of rubbish to understand how it affects you.

After a few chats to my therapist we came to conclusion My ex was a man who felt beneath all this family etc so he bullies women and puts them down to make himself feel above.

There is alot of things wrong with your man. He's insecure. Jealous. Possessive and controlling. All points towards a man with a massive issue in his core.

You likely will need therapy and stuff if he's been rotten to you.

I am not sure about the kids but there will be people out there that can help you.

If his mum is warning you to keep the child away then he's obviously a pig. Chances are his dad abused his mum and she was unhappy because or it. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

My exes kids are 24 and 26 and they came back into his life in 2017 after 12 years of no contact. The 26 year old cut him off because he didn't pay her back and his overall bad behaviour in 2020. She's had 2 kids since and he moans he can't see them. The 24 year old never was on the scene in our time. Infact I doubt she even knew her dad had a girlfriend. She has not reacted to his Facebook posts for months. His dad and his kids and grandkids all live in the same area and he's like the black sheep of the family. His brother is also a pig to women and has cut off his dad and my ex. So it certainly has affected both men.

My exes dad is with a millionaire now. He left her average woman for her 10 years ago. He married my exes mums friend when she died. He's definitely shown his sons how to behave. But seems happy with the millionaire!

I am here if you want to chat I understand alot of your struggles and its hard.

Wow you sound like you’ve been though a lot too 🌺it really does affect you but talking to people helps loads. When he goes missing it’s like everything is normal my sister has called to ask do i want to go for a coffee tomorrow and some Christmas shopping and we’ve out the tree up a tad early. It’s only when I get
that dreaded phone call or message with im sorry it won’t happen again even reading the word sorry fills me with dread that’s why I’ve took the step to finally end it. il get some advice on how I should go about my daughter

How long have you been away from it all and feeling now about it all?

Listen to his mum!

winging Life I am within my rights just to keep her away from him?

If you dread the call/text coming with his pitiful apology, then for your own sake block him on your phone! You can set up an email address where he can contact you about visiting his daughter, or go through a solicitor - there are other ways. Please get rid of this waster.

He’s gone as from now I’ve thought about blocking him suppose I’ve brought this on my self by not. I just worry it could be seen as using my daughter to hurt him for him hurting me, il take your advice.

the last message I received was a link for a YouTube video a man explaining how Women are bad for men we age like milk they age like fine wine. We should be pumped and dumped it’s just all wrong.

Well done OP. He sounds all sorts of messed up.

MIL having such serious concerns that it's keeping her up at night is worrying. What is she inferring about keeping your DD away from him?