Situationship…what does this mean

[Holibobby]

Been in a situationship for a couple of months now, tonight for the first time I’ve been quite off with him and he sensed it and asked what’s wrong, so I thought I’m going to be honest. I said it’s good when we’re together but the next day you go completely cold. This message will have come completely out the blue for him.

I need help decoding his message which read:

I really don’t mean to be hot and cold. I’m so sorry it’s come across like that. Something did make me have a moment of realisation a couple of weeks ago where I felt like I was kind of diving into another relationship but it hasn’t made me not want to see you and a definitely didn’t ever mean to be shut off with you. x

Are you the same poster who has been seeing a recently not-divorced man who is a cunt and has posted numerous threads asking what does it all mean?

I'm not sure what needs decoding OP? You've brought up something that bothers you, he's apologised and said it wasn't intentional. The 'diving into a relationship' bit is something I think a lot of people think/feel but he's stated categorically that this hasn't stopped him wanting to see you. You've flagged a concern only tonight, which you've admitted would have come out of left field, so give it time and see if things change. If he continues to be distant in between dates then you end the relationship

He doesn't want a relationship but wants to still 'see you' it's been a few months now, how long are willing to wait? Or rather let him use you without any commitment. If it's a risk of losing him by asking for what you want, then he isn't right for you.

It’s very vague and I cannot work out if he got scared and doesn’t want a relationship but wants to carry on seeing me. Or he’s seeing me to see if there is potential for a relationship in future.

@Holibobby he wants to keep it as a situationship, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Rule of thumb I’ve found is that by 6 weeks to 2 months ish they know if they want to be exclusive with you, by 6 months ish they know if they want it to be a serious relationship and by 2 years ish they know if they see it leading to marriage etc.

@Noxpox its been 2 months

He felt like it was turning into a relationship and that’s not what he wants.

@Holibobby exactly. His vibes are he wants to keep seeing you but as a situationship. If you’re happy with that then keep seeing him. But I wouldn’t pin your hopes on it turning into anything serious with this one.

hang on -- "another relationship"? Are you sure he doesn't mean another relationship WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

You do realise ‘situationship’ is a term used disparagingly and not a relationship status?

he’s not interested

men commit to women they are interested in

you are sex and an ego boost and a bit of female company

block and move on- he’s taking the piss

@mauvish I didn’t read it like that haha but now you’ve mentioned it.

It could simply be that he felt that things were moving way too fast and that you were both rushing headlong into an intense relationship; and all he has done is slow things down a bit.

Like a PP, I assumed he meant with someone else.

But maybe he means diving into one with you quickly after his last one

I think you'd have to ask him to explain further what he means by what he said.

He’s not that into you.

I would read it as he’s not wanting to dive into another relationship so quickly but he still wants to hang out with you and see you.
If you’re wanting more from this guy then you need to ask where he sees this going as you would like a relationship and don’t want to be holding off until he is ready to commit to you.

OP, is this you as well?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4676561-situationship-stress?reply=121535998

If so, you have posted numerous threads about this man and repeatedly been given advice. What are you getting out of constantly posting these threads?

Are you having sex with him?
If yes, then that’s throws the ”he wants to move slowly” out of the window.

I also took it as he was trying to get into a relationship with someone else.

I’d say his using you.

He wants a FWB that he can pick up and put down as and when it suits him and doesn't want anything serious or to communicate daily.

@HiphopReplacement This is the confusing part though becuase he does communicate daily, he rings and texts every day. He arranges all our dates, we barely sleep together, he’s asked me to help him decorate his house for Xmas, he’s taken me as a +1 to event. He’s spent lots of money on these dates. If we were just sleeping together I would defintley see that, but it’s just very mixed signals.

It's a golden rule to live by - if a man wants to be in a relationship with you, he will be. Situationship by its very nature means he isn't wanting a relationship with you. Particularly if he felt like he was diving into one and it made him hot and cold, rather than all in.

If you do want a relationship, I would tell him and see what he says. If it's a no, I'd stop seeing him to save your heart and sanity. What you don't want is for him to meet someone else he does want a relationship with, and leave you in the lurch. It can definitely happen.

Never waste your time on a man with whom you communicate major issues via text, and whose texts you need help interpreting.

I've just got a feeling he will ignore the last message that I sent him, all day and then ring later and chat about his day and avoid getting into that conversation.

I feel like if it was just all sex , I would know he was using me. But wanting to spend most weekends, and ringing me through the day, having some deep chats, makes it all the more confusing.

Ask him outright what his intentions are. If he wants a relationship or not. Do not be the one that gets the crumbs from him. All or nothing.

He may want a relationship with you, but using the word worries him, perhaps because it stands for permanence and full on, moving in tog, marriage and all that stuff

That doesn't mean he doesn't love being with you, he's just worried about it being a very serious thing

I read it as he enjoys hanging out with you etc, but if you were ever to presume that him seeing you regularly and enjoying your company means you're in a relationship with him and that's he therefore has any kind of accountability towards you then you'll soon be put straight.

Honestly OP, been there, done that and it's really not worth it! This is all on his terms. The fact that you're upset about him blowing hot and cold shows that you want it to be more than it is, as does you being here trying to decipher his message. His answer is basically saying he freaked out when he thought what you have could be seen as a 'relationship', it's not, but he's happy to take what you're offering whilst you continue to offer it.