Ppl laughing at you how to deal

[Hunnypieprank]

I had a thread on this forum recently about someone that I liked . Labeling me as " funny," which did please initially me as I thought that he might liked me but them remembered that being described as funny wasn't a nice memory. I have letting him go in my head. But I really to contact him again for work purposes. To which I'm dreading but that's ok. But thanks to all that replied.
The story of my thread. I haven't being formally diagnosed with ADHD the attentive type. (Add). It's not something that I wish to pursue or want to take medicine for. ( My own personal reasons).
But it's a relief to know what I have to finally understand the things that I do.

I'm the classic case of oversharing , excited, blabber on.
A couple of weeks ago we on a night out and someone that gave me a number and I was talking about it with some girls I knew briefly. We one of them I knew very well and the other not so much. The other not much girl said " don't be so full on with him. Or scare them.

. I get while they meant it from a good place. But it still annoyed me. I really not that bad tbh. I put on a happy face while I'm out with others to mask my problem ( sometimes). But when I'm at home I usually in general very lonely and bored. Hence I overshare while I'm excited.

I remembered in school at times I struggle to find friends ( not always) but back then ppl had their groups. and I dreaded lunchtime so I often I act up like a clown so ppl will like me for context purposes.
Why am I writing this thread is today at work I was talking to my line manager a woman. Who like me is a chatty interested sort of person. Who I did happen to like. So I have an upcoming holiday and I was blabbing on about something else. While she was talking to me she was working on her computer. And the lady in the next door office but works under a different settings.
Who I only just say hello to and goodbye to. I don't particularly like her as she kinda looks down on me. ( You just know).
The other lady appeared her head around the door and said that she " received her message on screen" and got me to some tedious admin stuff and at the stage I sort to feel humiliated.

As I realised that my other boss wanted me out of the way. But she couldn't say that. As I said I had no business doing her work for other reasons. But as I left the room I could them laugh especially the other lady . I just felt so hulimated I know in future I try not to talk much in therr any more but when are living with add or ADHD it not easy. I hate when ppl laugh at like that.

Its not clear from the examples you’ve given why you felt humiliated.

It was horrible tbh and now on leave tg. And of course I can't say anything. I get while I'm all those things and while they are things that I can understand to why I do them but you really can't help it until it's too late or you realise. Something about training my impulsive control aswell. But all of those things make up me. And now I accept this is me.
I always going to stuff up, I'm always going to be the annoying one. Being laughed at . But the end of the day I might not talk to much in (there anymore. ) But that is me. I want to be me . I don't want to play an actor role or make ppl like me. I just want to be but I know being me comes with problems and the vicious cycle will begin.

my boss. She wanted me out of the room. As I was telling her a story I guess. I was only in the room for about 5 mins But yet she could not say it to me. So she messaged a not particularly nice lady . On her computer. As the lady said she received her message via screen. And then came into the room. And she wanted me to staple her papers in a really horrible way condescending tone. She really looks down on me. As she younger and she works in another setting. Not with us. . And then as I left the room the two of them were laughing at me. But they could not know I could hear them. The couldn't contain there giggles. The other lady remarked something that I could hear but if I heard her I would have said that not nice lady.

In an ideal place. I would have love to say that was not nice . But yet I don't have any confidence. And I couldn't hear exactly 💯 so I. Could not. At the end of the day she works in a different setting to me and has a big job title compared to me.

Well, this is a massive simplification but make the decision to accept the feedback and roll it around for a while. Do you overshare? Is it a fair comment?

Alain Robarge on youtube has an excellent video about oversharinng and why people do it and how it's interpreted. Listen to the video!

It will be easier to hear this from a stranger.

Thanks I will check it out and yes I'm am an oversharer but I am trying not to

My personality is like Kim in EastEnders with the bling I guess but I don't do the influencer

It drives me mad when I'm working and really busy and people come over for a chat. It may be that the person you were talking to just needed to get on with some work and didn't want to seem rude by asking you to go away. It obviously backfired and you were upset by it but I suspect it wasn't done out of malice but maybe they were busy and you didn't read the social cues that they weren't available for chatting.

Well I do understand that but I was completing handover it wasn't all talk as I was starting my shift to acknowledge that I was hear and my tasks
. But the thing is they don't know that I heard .iam upset about it. Or if they knew I'm upset I'm pretty sure they wouldn't care. It was the way they laughed at me that I heard from the room. When I walked from the room was down the hall. And I stood for a few minutes secretly. And the other lady look. And if I really honest I felt my boss was a bit devious.

If anything this has shown me her true colours and going forward I be out in march but I will before careful in future. I'm just sick of this shite . Ppl mocking me. And I have to be more " smart" in the future. But I don't want to go life as a robot I want to be "me".

Ah sorry I didn’t realise it was a handover, thought maybe you’d just gone over for a chat. My work is a really social place which I love but sometimes I just need to get on with things so thought maybe it was a similar situation. Yes that sounds horrible and I’d be upset too. Hope your new job is better and people are nicer.

It does sound upsetting, try not to dwell on it. (easy to say, I know)

If you have ADHD, have a quick look at Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Hope that helps x

Ty you so much to all of you for your kind words of wisdom. I will definitely check out the videos that was mentioned.and in particular the rejection stuff . In which ( I haven't heard it before) As when I am in a hyper focus mode in the next few days as (I'm too busy licking my wounds .) Lol.

In future I will try and be more careful and sometimes my inner voice does try and warn me but I don't listen. ( Impulsive control).

In the next few weeks I be looking out for my core of me In the last few months .

life was hard for me as I was very seriously sick. And only recently I felt a lot better and trying to pushing myself a bit more. Any only the last week I was trying to find ways and how to chase happiness for myself. In doing whatever it was needed. And then this happens.

While I agree with you about no malice. But I do think less of them now. Esp boss but I will try and monitor my actions with them. Thankfully it be a at few weeks with hols owning them and me that I won't see them. Tg.
But like I said before. This is a vicious cycle I am bound to mess up again and that what I'm afraid.
As my ex himself said to me . Your mouth is a big problem.

I mean this kindly, but can you see how you ramble on, based on your posts here?

What were you telling your colleague about?

I would concentrate on getting diagnosed as ADHD and take the meds.

Are you on the waiting list?

I think you need to get the message and get to the point. At handover tell your colleague what she needs to know - and nothing else.

This is why I hate going into the office. I'm happy to answer people's questions but then they stand there and yak on. Eventually I have to say sorry, I need to get on, which makes me sound rude.

Well i.wasnt trying to ramble. I was trying to either explain or clarify. And to.explain me. And like I said not everyone wants to be formally diagnosed and prescribed medication for it.
I don't want to take medicine.

While I accept it may not be It be " the right choice". different if I was in school, uni I might have considered back then.

But I also accept it it's beneficial to other ppl but not me. but not in my stage of life.
I'm just happy to find out that a problem exists that I recognise with.

Going forward I will do. They be very little out of my mouth in there in future. (I hope). I much rather if she had done that. I'm due a meeting type thing in a few minutes.
Instead of sneaky message back and forward between them no doubt of mocking me.

When I was younger I was a lot like you - too many stories I don't wish to relive but yes a lot like you. I felt silence or lack of attention meant "they" didn't like me or I was boring so I filled the vacuum.

As I got older I've realised the joy of silence and of listening. People - in general - really like people who listen to them. So I worked really hard at shutting up. Trust me it was hard work against who I'd developed into being (I'd masked really well - most people would tell you I was extremely extrovert and confident) I might no longer push myself into being the loudest or 'funnest' but I know me, I know who I love and value - so i focus there. Makes me so much happier and my life calmer.

Your post comes across a lot like looking for approval ... you like this person, you don't know this person so not sure about them...
Somehow you need to get beyond if they like you to whether "you like you" It sounds like hippy tosh but it's super important and most people take years to get there.

Things that helped me, saying no to stuff, getting use to and actually looking forward to time on my own (hobbies, books, music, exercise, Netflix - whatever is your thing or becomes your thing). Once I worked out what stuff I genuinely really liked it was much easier to find others who would happily talk about the same stuff. Or to always have something I felt was interesting to talk about but to recognise when someone didn't feel the same about it. Before I was too busy talking and masking my own discomfort to really notice other's signals.

Basically I spent time really working on accepting who I am quirks and all - not everyone has to like me, but actually that's their choice, so meh! Once I got there, I was much better at silence and a much better friend to those I love, and even to myself.

In my opinion, let these examples go. You mentioned life was hard and you are only recently trying to find ways and how to chase happiness. Focus there, what gives you happiness irrespective of any one else? Spend some time being a bit inward looking even while you're still going out working or socialising. Ask yourself which parts of work work best for you? Or which parts of an evening do you enjoy most? And when at home what makes your space calm?

I hope that didn't come across condescending. I really did recognise parts of my younger self in your post and so perhaps this is more 'what I wish I'd known sooner'

I can see why you feel the way you do. However just because the boss got someone else to do her dirty work doesn't mean she doesn't like or respect you. Doesn't mean you're bad at your job. Just at that particular point she needed to crack on with something else and didn't know how to politely tell you to stop. Ultimately that's her problem. If you wanted to you could agree a signal with her for when you need to stop. I have a similar thing with my boss if I don't understand what's being said - second language and probably autistic.

Ty i really acknowledged your posts. I have an major issue with letting ppl in. And letting go. Bit I'm learning. We are also learning every day. I completely get the last 2 posters. It hard

You don’t know whether they were laughing at you - it could have been something else entirely. Not everything is about you. You say you want to be yourself but that will come with people finding you annoying. If you moderate your behaviour (this is what “normal” people do), it will be easier to get along and find friends at work.

ADHD medication doesn't change who you are. You can try it and when it wears off, a few hours later, you'll still be the same chatty outgoing person you were before.

Rather than focus on your colleagues laughing and assuming it's about you, look at it this way: they cared enough about your feelings to come up with a polite excuse when one of them wanted to leave. They might not have executed it perfectly but maybe they were trying to be kind.

You know that you can talk too much and that you've got a big personality - not everyone is comfortable being around someone like that. You're going to be too much for some people. You can either accept that there will be times people will find you offputting or you can look at medication or therapy to learn how to tone it down when you need to.