He said he likes to be served. He was talking about his dinner, but I think that is how he probably feels about me in general.
I guess that just about sums up my "DP". I have been through eighteen years of abuse and my head is probably always spinning. I had an extremely physically and emotionally abusive childhood and me, my mum and siblings were terrorised. As a result of this I have no family to turn to. My dp has lost me all my childhood friends, luckily I have one friend that I trust and who I can turn to.
- After an operation (due to my disability) I was on crutches and in plaster , he was mad with me and made me get out of the car and left me on the side of a busy road nowhere near anything. He then came back and screamed at me to get in. When we got home and we got out of the car he shoved me and tried to push me to the floor and then said he would not be picking my DC up from school and left me distraught as I couldn't go and drive to get him. A friend I called to pick him up said he was there and picking my DC up.
-I have realised that he plays the victim and has badmouthed me to his colleagues and he recruits very misogynistic men who say things like kick her out on the street. His dm is viscous and openly says she can't wait until his sweet, kind Dad is dead. So I am isolated but he has a team around him.
-He has physically abused me a few times and years ago would smash stuff.
-I was rushed to hospital when I was seriously ill and when they were going to do tests in A and E he started swearing to me about having to go to work the next day and why can't they fucking hurry up. When I said something about not saying that he started viciously attacking me and said see there's nothing wrong with your mouth is there. Long story short I had an illness where I could have died.
I could go on and on about all the stuff he has done to me.
He is highly manipulative and very fake but a great actor. He has abused me in every way there is.
His main way of abusing me is suddenly going cold and not talking to me and me not being sure what I am supposed to have done wrong. These days I just ignore him back now. My daily life is a constant badgering of picking at things in the house that I have not done correctly for example he walks in and walks round for things to pick on. His favourite is saying I cannot load the dishwasher properly so bangs the stuff around "fixing" the way I have done it. If the place is spotless he will pick on a minor thing to comment on.
It was only after I read Lundy Bancroft's book that I gave up trying and starting thinking about myself.
He is currently giving me the silent treatment, as he wanted me to do something that would mean that he would have more control over me, his fake friendly act didn't work and he knows that I am not going to do that. He is also currently complaining that our sex life is shit and I'm not passionate about him. So hopefully he wants me to leave too, I mean he is always whinging about me. I don't think I know the full effect all this has had on me I just keep going like I did as a child. But I want a better life and peace for me and my DC.
I want to leave in summer after my Dc has finished GCSE. My problem is that I am unable to do standing up or physical jobs that I have had to do for the last few years, as I an accident years ago where I was lucky to keep my limb. I have also booked a doctor's appointment, as I have had people point out to me that I have symptoms of ADHD. After looking this up I am convinced that this has been a problem that has plagued me all my life and although I have a degree I have never managed to have a career.
Is there any help for people with disabilities to start careers that will enable me to sit down but will make adjustments for ADHD?
I need to get out of this hell. Is there any help to deal with this while I have to live with it for a little while longer?