Partner not pulling weight

[gkok]

Need some advice on how to get partner to pull his weight. We’re both 22, living with his parents and DS and he’s studying a masters from home atm. However he doesn’t get up til 10/11am and sometimes even has a nap in the afternoon, whilst I’m looking after DS all day until partner takes over from 6pm ish til DS bedtime. I usually cook dinner, do all the laundry, most of washing up, all DS’s feeds and basically feeling like I do everything! How can I get my partner to get motivated, be a responsible parent and do well in his masters this year? After all, I am banking on him getting a good job once he’s finished to provide for me and DS, so we can get our own place! Any advice helpful

Do you work OP?

You can’t make him grow up
Start planning your own future without relying on him

You cannot make someone pull their weight; they have to decide to do that for themselves.

Plan your own future here without him. Such types of men do not readily if ever change.

On mat leave from study as DS is 6 months

Have you discussed the division of household chores? Does he just assume because he (by virtue of his parents) is providing accommodation and you are on mat leave, that he doesn't have to do anything?

Do you have a plan for your future?

What's the long term plan for you? Are you going back to studying/plan to work/be a SAHM?

At the minute, I think it sounds ok what hes doing. You are looking after the baby and some of the housework. (I suspect his mum/dad also do some housework too) He is doing his masters and also doing some evening childcare.

If youre going back to studying and plan to work then id say he needs to up his game with the household chores. But if not (or if your degree is easier/less time studying required) i personally think it sounds ok what hes doing.

I’m going back to study in Feb. Then will work part time alongside SAHM whilst he works full time. My issue is that he’s barely doing his masters, I wouldn’t have an issue doing the housework and childcare if he was working 9am-6pm as is a normal working day

Ah ok im with you OP. That is unacceptable then and he needs to buck up! Does he have a long term goal workwise? Is he likely to fail the masters on current performance?

Why are you letting him sleep so much? "Get up the baby is awake, your a dad now you can't be sleeping till 11am like your a student with no responsibilities you need to be studying and if you're not studying helping with our son."

After all, I am banking on him getting a good job once he’s finished to provide for me and DS, so we can get our own place! Any advice helpful

Bank on your own career, not his.
What are your plans for getting into/back to work? Why are you expecting a man to get a good job to provide for you? Why do you expect this of him, but not yourself?

Double up your contraception. Do not get pregnant again while you are totally dependent on your partner's parents for a roof over your head.

Do not expect much to change.
Your partner has parents who are enabling him staying in bed half the morning, are not upbraiding him to do more around the house, & are seeing you do all the childcare & chores while he sits on his arse. So you're not going to get any help from them in mending your partner's ways.

I respect this. After my (full time!) studies are finished I’ll be aiming to work part time until DS goes to school

That's good OP.
Don't waste time "trying to change him."
Invest your energy in yourself & your own career instead.

He is who he is - he will sink or swim with this degree & career.
You just need to put yourself in a position where you have choices whether to swim with him - or swim away hard, because he is choosing to sink.

Too many women have spent too many years trying to CHANGE HIM.
It doesn't work.

Tried this and doesn’t work, think he thinks I’m mothering him but really don’t know what to do as I’d hate our future to look like this. Just feels lazy to me

So you're both students without your own home and thought having a baby was a good idea?

I feel horribly sorry for your DP's parents.

Oh piss off!

Really sad that judgemental people like you feel the need to leave this kind of comment. Perhaps you don’t know the full story? Thought I was infertile and this unplanned pregnancy might be the only chance to have a family. For the record I’m a great mum and love having a baby :)

Don’t do his laundry and don’t cook his food or do his cleaning

start planning for your life with you and your baby

cam you move in with your parents while you study?

Does he stay up really late? If he's going to bed at a reasonable hour, sleeping til 11 and then having a nap then I think he needs to see a doctor. Excessive sleeping should not be ignored.

This is helpful. I am sure the OP will now put her baby up for adoption.

You're both underemployed. Masters study isn't a FT load (clearly, given his patterns) and neither is looking after one six month old (especially in the evenings when they sleep).
You could both pick up PT work on top of what you're doing, save up and leave.

Lol, do you even have children? Its 100% FT, especially when they don’t sleep much like my DS, last night he wouldn’t sleep til 22:30.

What you see is what you get, op. He's lazy and that's not changing. I'll be surprised if he even finishes his master's. You need to make your own plans because you won't be able to depend on him to support you.

Lol, do you even have children? Its 100% FT, especially when they don’t sleep much like my DS, last night he wouldn’t sleep til 22:30.

Lol, millions of women have very young children, & manage to work as well.
Nothing wrong with your studying plan though, before launching your own career.
Imagine how much more studying you could do if your partner did his share of the parenting, & the effect on your course results, & the impact your results will have on your working life.

Why isn't your partner the one getting DS to sleep, if you are using evenings for study after parenting all day?
What does he say when you pull him up on his laziness?

What do his mum and dad think of his lack of work or parenting his child?

I’m well aware that mums work as well, don’t know how they manage it and one day I’ll have to as well. I’m on Mat leave and getting used to parenting so I think I’m good and the problem isn’t me 👍🏻