Partner loves his mum and brother more?

[xttcbabyno1x]

Little back story , me and my partner have been together for 6.5 years now, I'm not a rush to marry kind of person I want children first and we have one on the way.

Last night he was telling me how he loved his mum and brother more than he loves me and it made me feel a bit nervous. I'm carrying his child and he says this to me?

Then he back tracks and says it's a different kind of love... but the first comment still sticks with me... I'm now not only worried about pregnancy but worried about the future and our little boy. I would never say that to him or do I feel that way.

this is great news, @xttcbabyno1x all the very best, you are absolutely right, there is absolutely no need for any merge your finances.

Making the security of your DC your priority is admirable.

@FinallyHere thank you very much ☺️ definitely, until marriage was a thing this is the way it would be! To protect my little boy and myself! Thank you x

I have been with my dp 12 years and our finances are not merged. The house is 100% mine no mortgage before I met him, and although he buys all the food and does ask to contribute now and again to bills, I am wary because I never want him to have a paper trail that can then be used as evidence to claim for anything to do with my property if anything goes wrong. I have a 5 and 1 year old.

Although he has never said it, his family are extremely important to him and although his Mum passed away before I met him, he did have a obsessionaly close relationship with his brother. He has sisters and a Dad abroad, but the problem is the obsession towards his family was and is a one way street. He has shown by actions not words that he definitely loves them more than me and his children. Or at least until very recently he did.

It has been a long hard slog, but he is slowly realising that his feelings towards his family are not reciprocated. I have had to endure some real hard times, Dark depressive episodes because his brother who lives close by is very selfish and has no family loyalty atol, he took it hard when he was too busy to see him or cancelled plans at the last minute.

We recently travelled abroad to visit his sisters and dad, and they barely spent 1 whole day with us during our 10 day stay, because they were too busy with their own lives.

I think the penny is dropping, I can see his attitude changing, but my goodness it has been tough on me.

Perhaps in time your dp can turn his devotions to you, however if his family feel the same as he does, then that is a whole different thing altogether!

My partner says this all the time and we have had rows over this. He explains its a different love with different obligations. I go mental. He cant understand why its an issue cos hes madly in love with me apparently, just in a different way. We have broken up over this and how it makes me feel. I think hes starting to understand. Btw he can be quite immature when it comes to discussing emotions but is getting better at this. We will see.

Im hoping this too. I think you are right, its just lack of emotional intelligence/maturity.

Tell him to go and live with her then 😂

Starting out id assume it would take time for the "ranking" to change. If he believes you are his life partner, you would come first.

Usually deeper meaning and background to these situations though. His mum probably forced an unhealthy relationship on him and he's been conditioned to think she is number one, always.

OP, he doesn't sound the brightest or particularly emotionally mature.

His wish for a big stag re-enforces my view.

You do however, and well done for protecting yourself financially, always wise.

Keep a clear paper trail of your finances.

In your situation I really wouldn't rush into marriage.

I would see how the first few years of parenting works out and does he step up.

He had no need to say what he did and yet he did, hurting you in the process.

I would listen carefully to your gut OP and watch his behaviour towards you and treatment of you.

Personally, I think it is a very odd thing to say, so be wary and mind yourself.

Nope. I wouldn’t tolerate coming third or fourth (after baby) in my partner’s affections or loyalty. My spouse is my primary, and I’m his. Yes, of course the kids needs come before either of us, etc. But zero chance either of our mothers or siblings were in the running.

I suspect he may be struggling, and possibly be feeling guilty because he’s experiencing a natural shift in loyalty. A therapist would probably be a very good idea. If he was actually speaking factually, I’d end the relationship. I want someone who makes us a priority, and would be miserable in 3rd place.