Should I be concerned!?

[Onestepawayfrom]

I went in a date with a guy 4 days ago. He told me on the date that he previously was addicted to drugs but isn’t anymore which I thought you know everyone has a past. Anyway last few days have been hectic for me, then today he turned up at my house with two cups of coffee (one oat one soya as he didn’t know which I’d like) unannounced and I’m just not sure how I feel about this! My gut is telling me that this is a bit too much, especially after one date. Also yes he did know where I lived before hand as we shared a taxi home.

what does everyone else think about this?

Him telling you he was addicted to drugs On a First date is fine, I feel. It will be a massive part of him and always will be and better to get it out there in the open and go from there.

Showing up unannounced at your home after 1 date and little communication in between is a massive red flag IMO and it would really unnerve me, I don’t think it is appropriate at all. I think that would be enough for me to want to end it there.

That would freak me out!!

Nope. This isn't appropriate and I wouldn't see him again.

I think it means he has a caffeine addiction!

Telling me about his past is fine, I think, as pp said - best to get it out in the open.

Think a bit more context is needed re the coffee. Did he turn up completely out of the blue and expect to be let in and entertained? Or had you been texting saying how busy you were and he thought it'd be a sweet gesture to drop you a coffee off? Does he live/work around the area or did he make the trip especially?

I wouldn't like him turning up unannounced like that, after one date.

Alarming, not romantic.

I'd give him a swerve.

My DH did soft drugs when he was young - hasn't touched them in decades now. I have never done drugs, so it was a bit out of my comfort zone to learn this. He also turned up unannounced at my house a few dates in. We've been together for 14 years now, and he's a very decent bloke.

Anyway last few days have been hectic for me, then today he turned up at my house with two cups of coffee (one oat one soya as he didn’t know which I’d like) unannounced and I’m just not sure how I feel about this! My gut is telling me that this is a bit too much, especially after one date. Also yes he did know where I lived before hand as we shared a taxi home.

WTF?!!!
Please tell us you didn't let him in?

www.jennisspace.com/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/
And check out this link.
Chillingly familiar, yeah?

Nonononono

Two huge red flags.

Once an addict, always a step away from relapse...

Huge red flag.

He wants to mark your home as his patch, like a tomcat but potentially much more sinister.

(one oat one soya as he didn’t know which I’d like)

See also Favour Sharking (AKA Loan Sharking) - Gavin de Becker -
www.combatkravmagatucson.com/single-post/2017/10/10/psychological-manipulations-frequently-used-by-predators-on-women-according-to-gavin-de-b

& here is a hair rasiing excerpt from de Becker's book The Gift f Fear, which illustrates how one predator used Favour Sharking (& Forced Teaming, & Unsolicited Promising) against his victim -
archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/books/first/b/becker-fear.html

Was he checking that you live alone?

OP - in your future dating life, NEVER allow your new date to find out where you live by accepting or sharing lifts.

That is a privilege to be granted only when you know a lot more about them.

He is the reason this is a thing.

Any man turning up unannounced at a woman's home after one date, is either a predator, or so thick about women's safety he isn't worth a second date.

And the oat/soya thing is weird. What if I wanted a tea, or a water or nothing? Sometimes gifts are just a way of forcing obligation.

So just for context I’m not necessarily bothered by the past drugs addiction. It was cocaine but he has said he has been clean years but had to be careful with drinking as it’s a slippery slope for him. I respect the honesty.

@sageandrosemary , for context, he just showed up at my front door with two coffees. He knows I’ve been stressed out the past few days with family matters and that I had been busy playing catch up with work. He said if I needed anything to let him know and politely said thanks for the offer but there’s really no need.. that was yesterday. He had also asked if I needed help when it came to my daughter to which my reply is and has always been with any man that no one will be meeting my daughter for at least 4 months as I refuse to have people walking in and out of her life.

@KettrickenSmiled , oh I’ve definitely learnt my lesson. Thank god I have a camera at my door if he were to keep turning up.

My gut is telling me that this is a bit too much

Why would you need a forum to tell you better whether his behaviour was a problem to you? You already knew. Have a read about self validation. Listen to your own gut.

You make a good point @Watchkeys

I would not like him turning up like that, it would put me on edge that he might do that again. Probably hoping you'll let him in, did you take the coffee and send him on his way again?

Help with your daughter? That is a mahoosive flag of epic undertaking. He's acting as if you are in a relationship already. That's actually quite a scary red flag, more than the coffees.

He had also asked if I needed help when it came to my daughter

What? Why didn't you mention this earlier? Is he seriously suggesting he would be helping with your daughter, when he doesn't even know you?

Help with your daughter??? In which way would he be offering help?
OP you know nothing about this man, other than what he's told you and that could be shite.
He could also be a very sinister piece of work......there are men out there who prey on single parents. I'm not saying he is but..........

"He had also asked if I needed help when it came to my daughter to which my reply is and has always been with any man that no one will be meeting my daughter for at least 4 months as I refuse to have people walking in and out of her life."

4 months really isn't long enough!

4 months is nowhere near long enough, I don't introduce anyone to my children unless I have been with them for around the 1 year mark.

He said if I needed anything to let him know and politely said thanks for the offer but there’s really no need.. that was yesterday. He had also asked if I needed help when it came to my daughter

Waaaay too much too soon📢🚩🚩

Help with your daughter? After one date?!⁉

Man's well dodgy.

Basically was suggesting that he could drop myself and daughter off at our doctors as she was ill. And 4 months was a starting point, I’ve been single 3 yrs and no one has ever met my daughter, really I think it’ll be a case of unless it’s someone Im certain that I’ll spend the rest of my life with then it just won’t happen. I’ve also said I’d always discuss it with DD dad. Also to be very clear I wouldn’t ever leave my DD with someone I didn’t know.

Think it was a lot to take in all at once along with him showing up here. But no I didn’t let him into the house.. I simply said that he really shouldn’t be turning up at my home like this, that I appreciate he was trying to be kind but it wasn’t needed or wanted!