Partner of 4yrs gaslighting me about my weight

[Polly5592]

So last night whilst I was hoovering I noticed he was looking at me strange..

He then told me that the dress I was wearing (your typical t-shirt dress) was making me look horrendous, really really round.. then he told me that my weight has become an issue in our relationship (I'm 5ft 9 and I'm a size 16-18) and I need to get healthy and fit.

Bearing in mind this year I've ran the Great Manchester half marathon, the London marathon and various other runs between these events, I watch what I eat but yes.. I have gained a stone since the marathon.

It's our 4 year anniversary tomorrow and I genuinely cannot believe that this has happened..

I mentioned that none of my ex's have ever had an issue with my weight or 'size' but he then told me that my ex's have never got me to achieve so much (I'm pretty certain I've completed these events myself..)

He's also been cooking very unhealthy meals when it's been his turn to cook.

I honestly don't know whether to walk away as I feel incredibly hurt and embarrassed or whether to stand my ground?

Is he stick thin and ran multiple marathons/half marathons?

I'd tell him to fuck off but that's just me.

And him making unhealthy meals is a control measure.....

He will see you standing up to him as a further challenge to bring you down.

He should now be your ex partner of 4 years and you need to leave this relationship as soon as you can. Do in time read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft.

That's really unkind and only you can decide where to go with this .

That’s not gaslighting, that’s just being a rude cunt.

Agree - did he do the half marathons too? Is he some kind of adonis? If not (and frankly even if he is) tell him to do one!

This.

I mentioned that none of my ex's have ever had an issue with my weight or 'size' but he then told me that my ex's have never got me to achieve so much (I'm pretty certain I've completed these events myself..)
😂😂😂

I'm pretty sure that if I took a running kick at your DP's arse, & scored a direct hit, that he'd take credit for that too ...

He is unspeakable OP. So let's cut to the chase - what's your living situation, do you have DC, are you working, & if so, do you earn enough to live independently?

He is deliberately, coldly, undermining you.
Taking pleasure in destabilising you.
He denigrates any small 'imperfection' he can invent about you - & has the gall to pass your stonking marathon achievement off as his own ...

Can you see how much of his attitude is about his perceived ownership of you?
He believes it's his role to criticise, as if you are a bill of goods he is entitled to inspect, correct, & pronounce worthy or not.
When you do something admirable, he crows about how other men must be somehow lesser than him because they were not responsible for your admirable achievement - but he is.

He's at least a self-centred, big-headed, nasty-mouthed twat.
But I suspect there's something ... personality-disordered going on with him.

How good would it feel to fix him with a beady eye, & declare that he's right - your body is no longer fit for purpose, so you are removing it from him permanently?
Seriously.
What is stopping you from doing that? Logistics & practicality ... or do you still have tender feelings for this arsehole?

He is your basic nasty bastard.
Also sounds like he is setting you up to fail if he is cooking unhealthy food.

This is control. He's trying to lower your self esteem so you're grateful he's with you. He'll make it worse by drawing more and more attention - he'll feed you up to give him more to criticise to bring you lower.

He sounds unkind but you did gain a stone this year you said. That's quite a lot of weight in a short time especially if you are so sporty.

Seconded.

It doesn't matter if OP has gained or lost any weight, doesn't give him the right to be so nasty

I'd SO much rather be a stone "overweight" (over what? says who?!) & capable of running a half marathon than be the type of shallow eejit who pops onto a thread about domestic abuse just to bodyshame the OP.

Not that it matters - but OP is likely to lose that stone when she starts prepping for her next big run goal @OnTheRoll
Sporty people manage weight fluctuation as part of their training.
But smug, goady fuckers are gonna stay smug goady fuckers no matter how far & hard they run ...

I had a boyfriend like this, made comments about my weight and then would buy me junk food etc. would get arsey about he doing more in the gym than him.
It ended when he picked me up and threw around the room, kicking me in the ribs. It was only then that I realised what a controlling arse he was and all his put downs were really his own pathetic insecurities.
Ditch him. It will not get better.

He is a cunty arsehole. Dustbin of history for him.

Well we all know how you can shed dead weight quickly op..
I lost 20 stone literally overnight. Very liberating
.
Then find a man who loves every ounce of you.

Moans about your weight but still cooks unhealthy food anyway? smh

What a nasty man. Time to ditch this controlling twat.

Domestic abuse? Come on!
I have no skin in the game, it's the OP's relationship and she started a thread to get opinions. You have all advised her to ditch him so that's sorted then.

I honestly don't know whether to walk away as I feel incredibly hurt and embarrassed or whether to stand my ground

These are not mutually exclusive. Do both. Leave, and if you want to, explain to him why you're leaving.

@OnTheRoll

What's the relevance of OP's weight? Are you trying to say he was justified in his comments, or did you have a different point?

I have no skin in the game, it's the OP's relationship and she started a thread to get opinions. You have all advised her to ditch him so that's sorted then.

Stop digging @OnTheRoll - you had enough skin in the game to leap onto OP's thread just to have an unnecessary pop at her.

Domestic abuse? Come on!
Yes - DA.
A pattern of negging, undermining, destabilising is a classic tactic used by coercive controllers.

He then told me that the dress I was wearing (your typical t-shirt dress) was making me look horrendous, really really round.. then he told me that my weight has become an issue in our relationship (I'm 5ft 9 and I'm a size 16-18) and I need to get healthy and fit.

He's also been cooking very unhealthy meals when it's been his turn to cook.

Well said.

Cheers Watchkeys.

Gotta love mumsnet - where an 'odfod' response to a GF is deleted, but the GF's bodyshaming post stands ... 💩

I think your post explaining what you meant was better than the 'Fuck off!' one, anyway.