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Original poster

Uninterested sister..

38 replies

mistymoo555 · 22/11/2022 06:32

To feel so rejected by my only sibling, my younger half sister. Since I can remember she has always been so disinterested and so different to me. We are 4.5 yrs apart, not hugely differnt in age but I lost my much loved half brother at 8 to a terrible accident which was a blow also. I remember losing my so early on when she was born as she needed so much of her attention, by time she turned 3 my relationship with mum felt like it was totally gone & I my new sister and I just weren't getting along. Mum did let her run riot not really showing her how to properly share and I found her very difficult to live with as we just were so differnt! Subs spent most of my time outdoors until I turned 22 and moved out. It was so sad, she stole a lot of my stuff, destroyed pen pal letters and jjsy made every effort to hate me. Our relationship has always been non existent, I've always tried to keep contact tho as felt it's the right thing to do but FF 15 yrs from 22 it's almost dead. I get her a lovely birthday card, gift and Xmas card/present every year until the last couple of yrs as I've never been given a thing in return not even a card and just feel like a mug but what's worse is we had our daughter 3 yrs ago and she has made no effort at all with her! How can someone behave like this towards their own family amazes me!! I don't think it's normal at all and my husband can't stand her. I always had a bad vibe from her as a child, she just seemed to push me away right from the start! I was so excited about having a sister but soon realised it wasn't going to be what I'd hoped. She's seen my daughter 3 times in 3.5 yrs! There is a little girl she knows same age via an ex that she dotes on and calls herself aunt to which is awful as she makes abs zero effort with her own real neice it's bizarre and feels very calculated that she has for whatever strange reason consciously wants nothing to do with us, everyone says what a character our daughter is, she is so cute and adorable, very well behaved and is honestly so funny. She wants nothing to do with her. Just coming to accept that's the end of the road for us whjch is fine but it's harder to accept for my daughter as she has no aunt in her life either side which is just so sad. Anyone else have a sibling like this???

OP posts:
Original poster
mistymoo555 · 22/11/2022 06:50

To add to this what I find even more strange is I can send her a msg and wait wks for a reply
and not get one at all or a short reply then no reply to finish the chat. On the 3 occasions she's met our daughter she talks to me like normal and we get on relaly well and I've enjoyed those times then she ghosts me which I just don't undertand! The last time we'd seen her she said she wanted us to come to hers this was a while ago I'd since said just let us know we'll work round your and has no reply on it and she's gone again. I do feel like for whatever reason she keeps us on the periphery. My husband feels like she is a waste of space and also thinks she'd be here if she wanted something and to let it go completely whjch I'm coming to terms with as for our daughters sake it's so confusing for her to have this random aunt who never bothers. She has also let us down a few times sayinf she'll meet us with mum but never ends up coming so we don't tell DD she's coming and jjsy hope she does so she's not dissapointed. She's just so strange! She has no kids of her own and tbh is so diff to me, I am and always have been very sociable trying to make a lot of friends but far as I know she has no friends at all and doesn't go out with anyone whjch I do find a bit odd esp when she was younger. Her ex did tell me after a fall out at my mums whjch he felt he had to apologise on her behalf for that she's always had a major issue with me app! The fallout was I was visiting my mum for a quick hour and I live a good 40 mins from her she was still living with mum and her partner was also, she was getting ready for work and was so late, her work is in oppo direction to my home, as I was leaving she just said can I cadge a life to work and I was tbh peed of aboit it as there was no forewarning and I had to say no as I needed to get back on time it would have set me back about another hour in Sat traffic. She blew up like a bottle of pop and her then ex stepped in and informed her that it was an unreasonable request to expect me to say yes which didn't go down wel, I said I aren't being awkward but I need to get back today for set time and why was it so iimp I take her and her not use her usual method of transport and it was app because she was so late for work having got up late, which was not my issue. The issue with us seems to have started from here. Her relationship with they BF ended soon after and he had said to me she had major issues with me whjch he didn't feel were fair that she spoke a lot of, jealously and that she felt our parents loved me more than her whjch was bizarre as I had abs no relationship with my mother since she was born so it was quite the opp in relation to mum but I understood mum just had a child that needed her more and naturally we grew apart. I have tried to mention this and we things briefly improved but have never returned to any normal. It's just sad as I have no siblings in my life and feel totally alone in that regard

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 22/11/2022 06:54

You sound as though you have long held bad feelings regarding her/your relationship and you say your husband doesn’t like her, so I don’t think it’s all that strange that she avoids spending more time with your family.

Idontdoyoga · 22/11/2022 06:56

This is very sad & I feel for you but ….

I know of another half sibling / sister situation like this who has no real interest in her adult half sister or her half nieces & nephews who are lovely teens/young adults.

The half sister thinks more of her friends & their kids than she does of her half blood family. She fawns over them & posts all sorts of loving happy news about them on SM. Intends to leave her entire estate to the friends’ kids when she passes.

You cannot put it where it’s not. If your half sibling doesn’t feel or care then any attention you get is a “bonus.”

In your shoes I’d accept the situation & get on with life without her. I’d certainly stop the gift giving! You’re laying yourself wide open to rejection if you carry on like that.
Ask yourself “how much do I really •need• her in my life?”

The fact is she is clearly not bothered about being in your fold nor interested in paying attention to your offspring, and that’s something you can’t control.
Let it go and see what happens.

CowPie · 22/11/2022 07:02

Tbh, OP, I don’t quite understand why you are so outraged — you don’t like her, she doesn’t like you, but you seem desperate for contact nonetheless. Why? Is your idea that sisters ‘should’ be close so strong, even though it’s perfectly normal for them not to be?

HortensiaBlogs · 22/11/2022 07:04

Listen to your husband. You are trying to force a relationship that really has no depth or substance to it. I sympathise as I have a brother we refer to as Halley's Comet as he occasionally comes into our orbit then disappears again into the ether.

If it weren't for your daughter would you be so bothered? She doesn't even sound very nice. Do you have a friend who could be honorary aunt? I'm honorary auntie to a couple of friends' children.

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 22/11/2022 07:06

You say she hasn’t any friends, yet she dotes on a 3 year old child?? I shouldn’t think she meets them by herself.
You & your daughter are obviously saints & she isn’t.
Don’t keep bothering her .

Bananarama21 · 22/11/2022 07:10

You have a chip on your shoulder over your sister, your clearly envious of her but expect her to bother with you when you don't even like her. I'm not surprised she's distanced herself.

TomTraubertsBlues · 22/11/2022 07:11

You've disliked her since she was a child, so why would she want to spend time with you?

Time to stop flogging a dead horse.

ItsaPeppaPink · 22/11/2022 07:14

Depending on the circumstances on how she broke up with the ex, he may not be the most reliable person to believe....maybe stop communicating with him..

Snnowflake · 22/11/2022 07:17

I lived the other end of the country and hardly saw our relatives in the preinternet days when DCs young - did DCs no harm, possibly made them closer.

jellymaker · 22/11/2022 07:24

I feel your pain. My sister has disliked me since we were children. We went through a phase when we are in our 20s that it was better but since we have both had children, it's got worse. I think jealousy might be at the bottom of it. I was a very sick child who required a lot of my mums attention. She is a hard hearted woman who wants to control every one around her. It's very sad but there is nothing to be gained from longing for something that can never be. I stopped chasing her about 4 years ago. It's just better for me emotionally if I don't keep wanting something that she s not got in her to give.

PriamFarrl · 22/11/2022 07:26

Why should you be friends just because you share parents?
DH’s sister is like this. Trying to force a relationship that simply isn’t there.

MichelleScarn · 22/11/2022 07:27

I remember losing my so early on when she was born as she needed so much of her attention, by time she turned 3 my relationship with mum felt like it was totally gone

so you've been jealous since she was born? Understandable of you at 4.5 but as an adult and mum surely you understand that a newborn needed all that attention?

Unicorn717 · 22/11/2022 09:29

You don't seem to like each other so I'd let it go. I know it's not great but just because you are sisters, it doesn't mean you HAVE to be close.

At the same time, I have an aunty I never see. We'll say hello If we see each other out but we wouldn't do get togethers etc. Nothing against her, just my mum and her were never close. I think that's just the way it is sometimes.

Gazelda · 22/11/2022 09:30

It's a shame you don't have a good relationship with your sister.

I wonder whether she feels constantly in your shadow? To her, you may have the perfect life. Perhaps she struggles with social situations, has found it difficult to cut the apron strings from your mum and hasn't yet found her 'place'? You are the independent woman she aspires to? That's making a lot of assumptions, but I'm trying to think of it from her perspective.

Regardless, you're not close. Don't keep trying to push it. Don't judge her. Equally, don't write her off. Maybe send her a Christmas card that your DD made? I used to love getting little pics from my nieces that were addressed to 'my lovely auntie'.

If you get on when you meet up, then keep it as the occasional meet. Build your life elsewhere and be grateful for the good relationships you have. Leave the door open to her when she wants to reach out.

IntrovertedPenguin · 22/11/2022 09:32

My SIL has this issue with her half sister.

Half sister is always trying with her but SIL isn't interested, she has her full brother and considers him her only sibling.

I think your flogging a dead horse here. You even admit you don't like her - so why are you wasting everyone's time?

IMissVino · 22/11/2022 09:34

What an odd post. Your sister doesn’t like you and you clearly don’t particularly like her. So just leave her alone?

TomTraubertsBlues · 22/11/2022 09:41

MichelleScarn · 22/11/2022 07:27

I remember losing my so early on when she was born as she needed so much of her attention, by time she turned 3 my relationship with mum felt like it was totally gone

so you've been jealous since she was born? Understandable of you at 4.5 but as an adult and mum surely you understand that a newborn needed all that attention?

Yeah, to still be blaming your sibling for this as an adult is just wrong. I don't blame her for distancing herself.

user1471457751 · 22/11/2022 10:48

So you've never liked her not even when she was just a baby and you blame her for damaging your relationship with your mum. Why on earth would she want to spend time with you?

TedMullins · 22/11/2022 10:54

CowPie · 22/11/2022 07:02

Tbh, OP, I don’t quite understand why you are so outraged — you don’t like her, she doesn’t like you, but you seem desperate for contact nonetheless. Why? Is your idea that sisters ‘should’ be close so strong, even though it’s perfectly normal for them not to be?

This. If you never got on as kids I’m not sure why you expect it as adults. Stop sending her birthday cards and gifts if it’s only to try and force a relationship that isn’t there. Being related to someone doesn’t mean they automatically like you.

Watchkeys · 22/11/2022 10:54

How can someone behave like this towards their own family amazes me

It's not unusual. Why are you so invested in having a relationship with someone who isn't interested? Can't you fill your time and thoughts with something more valuable?

ItsaMetalBand · 22/11/2022 15:06

My sister never liked me. I'm the younger one of several, but the next younger sister.

I think that all her life she was jealous of me. Not sure why because she was the pretty, charming kid dressed beautifully and I was the glasses wearing awkward one in jumble sale stuff.

Throughout my life I tried so hard to get to foster a relationship with her and each and every time it was rejected. We are in our 50s'/late 40s respectively and she's still the same. Then gets jealous because me and the others who did foster relationships as friends in adulthood are close. She's never changed, and she won't now. I wasted decades trying to befriend her so I'm done trying.

Hoplesscynic · 22/11/2022 19:44

I'm in a similar but reverse situation with my brother - he is the one who tries to keep the contact between us, I am the avoidant one. I am confused why he keeps "flogging a dead horse" as others have said. I don't enjoy being in his company at all - we are polar opposites and there's always an awkward vibe. He treated me very coldly and sort of condescendingly last tkm

Hoplesscynic · 22/11/2022 19:47

Sorry mumsnet somehow sent my response when it wasn't completed...
He treated me very coldly and sort of condescendingly last time I saw him. And yet for reasons unknown, he's still acting like he wants to make effort.
I am wondering if your sister might be feeling similarly about your efforts? (I am not implying that you are like my brother by the way)

hiredandsqueak · 22/11/2022 19:55

I haven't seen my sister for twenty plus years. She hated me from the day I was born. I moved away and never contacted her again. You sound resentful, which will have been noticed even if you think you hide it.
I think you have an idealistic idea of sibling relationships and it's something she doesn't want to engage in. You can't flog a dead horse. Let it go just because you share the same mother it doesn't mean that you have a shared future when one of you doesn't want it.

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