Uninterested sister..

[mistymoo555]

To feel so rejected by my only sibling, my younger half sister. Since I can remember she has always been so disinterested and so different to me. We are 4.5 yrs apart, not hugely differnt in age but I lost my much loved half brother at 8 to a terrible accident which was a blow also. I remember losing my so early on when she was born as she needed so much of her attention, by time she turned 3 my relationship with mum felt like it was totally gone & I my new sister and I just weren't getting along. Mum did let her run riot not really showing her how to properly share and I found her very difficult to live with as we just were so differnt! Subs spent most of my time outdoors until I turned 22 and moved out. It was so sad, she stole a lot of my stuff, destroyed pen pal letters and jjsy made every effort to hate me. Our relationship has always been non existent, I've always tried to keep contact tho as felt it's the right thing to do but FF 15 yrs from 22 it's almost dead. I get her a lovely birthday card, gift and Xmas card/present every year until the last couple of yrs as I've never been given a thing in return not even a card and just feel like a mug but what's worse is we had our daughter 3 yrs ago and she has made no effort at all with her! How can someone behave like this towards their own family amazes me!! I don't think it's normal at all and my husband can't stand her. I always had a bad vibe from her as a child, she just seemed to push me away right from the start! I was so excited about having a sister but soon realised it wasn't going to be what I'd hoped. She's seen my daughter 3 times in 3.5 yrs! There is a little girl she knows same age via an ex that she dotes on and calls herself aunt to which is awful as she makes abs zero effort with her own real neice it's bizarre and feels very calculated that she has for whatever strange reason consciously wants nothing to do with us, everyone says what a character our daughter is, she is so cute and adorable, very well behaved and is honestly so funny. She wants nothing to do with her. Just coming to accept that's the end of the road for us whjch is fine but it's harder to accept for my daughter as she has no aunt in her life either side which is just so sad. Anyone else have a sibling like this???

@Smallonesaremorejuicy The 3 yr old is an ex partners neice, where did I refer at any point to myself and my daughter as being saints! That's a ridiculous statement! I've never been anything but civil with her and she quite the opposite, we both have next to no family except my own family and my half sister, I see that you need to make the most of what you have but she's never bothered to reciprocate. It's dead in the water her side, i was only trying to do the right thing but I'll never work out what her issue is with us, my husband is right, it's time I just let it go

@MichelleScarn it's wasn't a case of jealousy at all, my mum was too exhausted to have any time left for me, the relationship with my mum slowly faded, there were many wks of my sister taking time of sick from school which was looked in to and I don't believe from what I saw it being a whole lot genuine, my mum grew further apart from me and I think I mentioned above there were a lot of situations where mum let her get away with things she shouldn't have done which caused a lot of fallout in the household, I spent a lot of time feeling deeply upset and pushed out, if I could have left sooner than I did I would have, but I see mum shouldn't have let that happen we were kids! I didn't like the way she was with me then no, but she is my only family and I'm her only family left and despite me being the one on the receiving end of most of the crap that went on im trying to move on from that and take forward any positives for the best

Seems like a lot of jealousy has built up over the years . Take your husband’s advice & cut them loose .

@Gazelda possibly, she did seem to always aspire to be like me hence the issues with taking a lot of my stuff without asking as kids but it was difficult as she's lied blue in the face ablit it and I never got some stuff back which was really irritating and our mother blamed me for the fallouts rather than sorting it out, it caused a huge divide between us and mum sadly took sides, my mum also never worked and enjoyed her company more than mine which was wrong as she allowed her so much time off school which relaly negatively affected her, she should have tried to help us bond but she didn't and it's caused a life long issue.

I don't want to give up, equally don't want to keep bothering her either, I think the personal card hand made from my daughter is a lovely
Idea and I'll leave it at that and see what happens

The few times we have met up have been very positive, I have gave her a bunch of clothes she'd shown interest in whjch she seemed very happy about and wore an item the next time we'd seen her whjch was grewt, just not heard since. It's just a shame things turned out as they did and they couldn't have been different but hopefully in time things will get better xx

You’re writing extremely overwrought posts about someone who probably isn’t thinking about you at all.

I’m not trying to be unkind, but I don’t really understand all of this outrage. She’s made it clear she’s not interested in you, so just leave her alone. You never even got on in the first place, so it’s not like you’re losing something - you never had it. What’s the issue?

It sounds like you’re pursuing an idealised relationship with ‘a sister’ that is never going to be reflected in your real-life relationship with your actual sister.

You haven’t got a bond, whether that’s because of inbuilt jealousies or poor parenting - it doesn’t really matter tbh. You having a child is irrelevant; it would only be relevant if your sister felt some sense of duty to maintain family relationships because they’re family, rather than on their own merit. She clearly doesn’t feel that duty.

it sounds like you feel rejected; maybe worth reframing that this isn’t about you and is just who she is and how she wants to live her life.

@Smallonesaremorejuicy I honestly do believe that jealousy may have been the issue. As characters we were very different, then I was very outgoing, busy social life, fashionable was never in the house, after how things developed when she'd arrived I felt very alone and a bit lost I developed a whole new life outside of the home and found family in friends and I think being the younger sister she noticed this was perhaps something she aspired too, she was very introverted then and I didn't see it then
As I was so caught up in my own life that she def seemed to struggle making friends as I don't ever recall her having any knock on or her go out with but she never pursued it either, I had that life because I got out and found those friends over the years. Yrs later Mid high school she did gain some friends but the bad type who sadly causes some Damage to our home, it was quite bad and I can never undertand how or why she got in with the type of people she did, she never spoke to any of us not even mum about it I was then at college spending more time out of the home and life for a time for us both just went in our own directions. It's been more recently since losing our mum and a child of my own coming along that's made me look back and reasses the relationships or lack of in life and how important those truly are, I have despite that anyway for the last ten years still sent s card and present etc but she may still be busy in her own life to have not really
Noticed it, maybe in time we'll
Level out and the damage can be repaired, but equally I aren't going to continue making a huge effort anymore when it's not being reciprocated as I a life of my own to get on with and people that I can give me time to more that take time for us that I should Focus more on

@IMissVino it's not outrage I aren't angry, it's sad that you only get one family and things are how they are but I felt I've tried to move past the negatives and take what we can forward but im just going to let it go. I was trying to do what I thought was the right thing but looks like from
The replies here I'm most people would've let it go a long while back which is what Im going to do, move on and just get on with my life

Outrage isn’t necessarily anger. You’re clearly excessively upset about this and - as you’ll have noted - most people don’t get why. You’re including stuff that happened when she was three, for goodness sake.

It’s honestly not even particularly sad. She’s a relative you don’t get on with. It’s fairly common and not a massive deal. The ‘right thing’ isn’t fixedly pursuing some idealised version of ‘family’ that exists in your head. When someone makes it clear that they want nothing to do with you, you leave them alone. It sounds like you’re coming round to that, so great.

This.

You don't like each other much. You have little in common. You manage to be civil to each other if in the same room for a couple of hours which is commendable, but beyond that, you have no connection.

Why not expend your energies on people you like instead.

There seems to be a lot of resentment of her on your side and given she makes no effort to keep in touch she obviously isn't bothered. Let it go and stop making an effort.

I say this as kindly as I can, but you have got to let this go. She is quite clearly not interested in having a relationship with you, and nothing you do is going to change that. You are continually getting upset over something you already know the answer to.

Let her go and remove her from your life. There is nothing to salvage here.

She wants nothing to do with her. Just coming to accept that's the end of the road for us whjch is fine but it's harder to accept for my daughter as she has no aunt in her life either side which is just so sad.

Your sister in not nice to you, your DH loathes her - WHY do you want her in your child's life?
She has her own reasons for not getting on with you, & I wonder how much of it is due to triangulation by your mother or other relative - because you BOTH seem to imagine that the other one was the Golden Child. She keeps you at a distance for her own reasons. So stop with the birthday presents & cards - it's meaningless - she doesn't care. All it's doing is opening you up to hurt when she doesn't respond in kind.

Aunts don't need to be blood relations. Any decent woman you feel a sisterly closeness to will be like an aunt to your girl. Let your sister go - she's not good for your MH, & that won't be good for your child's MH either.