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Original poster

How long were you dating before you made things official?

31 replies

seasidegirl83 · 21/11/2022 17:25

I've been online dating for about 18 months and after lots of unexciting dates I've just had a third date with an amazing man. We are really enjoying getting to know eachother and taking things one date a time right now.

But, it got me wondering how many dates, or how long did you date for before making your relationship official? I'm not saying im at this stage yet but I'm interested in other peoples stories!

OP posts:
Pasithean · 21/11/2022 17:27

We didn’t date. Lol.

gogohmm · 21/11/2022 17:29

I deleted the apps in the car park after our first date, does that count? He deleted them before I even met him in person (we talked online/on the phone for 4 weeks prior

Suprima · 21/11/2022 17:32

My now DH asked for ‘exclusivity’ after about 5 weeks of dating.

By about week 4 we were still seeing each about 2-3 times a week and I had stopped dating others because he kept booking me out for Friday/Saturday prime time.

I personally wouldn’t have raised the question of exclusivity myself as I had spent many years in a relationship with a ‘passenger’ and I wanted to ensure that my next one was with someone dynamic. A man besotted with you doesn’t want you dating others, nor will he be dating others.

minticecreamisjustok · 21/11/2022 17:32

I would want to know fairly soon, I'd say by 4 dates if we are exclusive, by the time we are thinking of sex basically. I dont mind bringing the subject up, because it's my time and effort I'm putting into getting to know someone for the start of a relationship. If any man says he doesn't like labels or isn't keen to make it official, run a mile.

DigbyLongcock · 21/11/2022 17:32

In Ye Olden Days, we didn't "make it official". I think it's an internet-related thing ("changing your status" or some such). You liked someone so went out with them. You liked them enough to go out with them again, and then again. And so on. I managed to get married without the "making anything official" bit.

DigbyLongcock · 21/11/2022 17:34

"Being exclusive" comes under the same umbrella as "making it official". I'm often not glad I'm not young, but I am when it comes to this sort of stuff.

PermanentTemporary · 21/11/2022 17:35

I don't know what you mean by 'official'.

I told my father-in-law (late dh's father) that I was seeing someone new about 8 months in. Dp had tagged me in an FB picture and it was only then I really thought about how to put the news out there. I made him untag me. I put a pic of us together up after about 2 years.

AreWeThereYet69 · 21/11/2022 18:25

After our second date we both said we didn't want to date anyone else.

Dating one person at a time is definitely my preference

PinkMendinilla · 21/11/2022 18:30

I think it's good to confirm exclusivity before sex. Too much chance to get hurt if they're still seeing others when you're sleeping together. I think 'official' can be fairly soon, within a few weeks of first dating. If you're really into each other then you're not hoping for a better offer.

WhiteChocMocha · 21/11/2022 18:32

DigbyLongcock · 21/11/2022 17:32

In Ye Olden Days, we didn't "make it official". I think it's an internet-related thing ("changing your status" or some such). You liked someone so went out with them. You liked them enough to go out with them again, and then again. And so on. I managed to get married without the "making anything official" bit.

Agree with that, i know it's apparently a conversation other people have but I'm not even sure how it would go.
In my world you date one person and gradually they meet your friends, family, you behave like a couple out in public, call each other bf/gf etc. I don't use social media for personal stuff/ pics so...
But suppose it is an internet and online dating thing. 6 months in maybe when the relationship is solid and you properly know each other?

PermanentTemporary · 21/11/2022 21:19

I don't think 'official' is that new an idea. It could be 'courting' or 'walking out' in the old days.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 21/11/2022 21:47

Our first date was so amazing that we both just knew at that point there would be no point dating anyone else. Our second date a few days later confirmed this when we both said we wanted to be totally exclusive and official. He was so sweet sending his friends a group message with a pic of us saying he finally found the woman of his dreams which was his way and mine was changing my status on facebook. We had both been single for over a decade so both sides were thrilled for us both and we both knew from the first date that we were right for each other.

Pinkbonbon · 21/11/2022 21:48

It's usually been around the 5 week mark for me.
But I'd say 4-8 weeks is fair.

DigbyLongcock · 21/11/2022 21:50

He was so sweet sending his friends a group message with a pic of us saying he finally found the woman of his dreams which was his way and mine was changing my status on facebook

I'd have died a thousand deaths if my partner had done this. Fortunately he doesn't do social media any more than I do - though it does suggest that this "being official" thing is essentially social media driven.

DigbyLongcock · 21/11/2022 21:51

Plus I haven't had sex with anyone with whom I'm not in a relationship. Though it has never taken a certain number of dates for me to get to that point. Things just evolve naturally.

BlackKittyMama · 21/11/2022 21:53

We never had the conversation, after the first date we just never saw other people 😅
So our “anniversary” is our first date/first time we met (OLD)

Riverlee · 21/11/2022 22:08

i was a teen during eighties. We didn’t have the whole ‘making it official’ palava.

Boy asked girl for a date (and occasionally the other way around). You were a couple. Full stop.

Riverlee · 21/11/2022 22:09

And you never dated a second person - you would be two-timing the first!

RedAppleGirl · 21/11/2022 22:19

DP asked when I was free next during our first date.
I replied all this week and the next.😄
We've not really been part since that was nearly 4 yrs ago.

PermanentTemporary · 22/11/2022 06:31

My mum dated in the 50s and it was expected you'd see multiple people until some kind of decision point like getting engaged, but I never figured out what the decision point was in her case. She found the whole one person at a time thing we did in the 80s very odd.

halfthesun · 22/11/2022 06:46

Hello, after the third date we paused the dating apps and never used again! Two years later buying a house together and drinking coffee in bed chatting about how we met .... Tinder Daffodil

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 22/11/2022 08:09

DigbyLongcock · 21/11/2022 21:50

He was so sweet sending his friends a group message with a pic of us saying he finally found the woman of his dreams which was his way and mine was changing my status on facebook

I'd have died a thousand deaths if my partner had done this. Fortunately he doesn't do social media any more than I do - though it does suggest that this "being official" thing is essentially social media driven.

It was a group text, he also does not have social media. I only have fb. We just were so happy to have met each other at the age in life we did that we wanted everyone to know :)

supercali77 · 22/11/2022 08:24

I just seemed to intuit with dp that he wasn't dating others, and likewise nor was I. It transpired we had the same approach at the time - one person at a time. So im not sure if we ever had 'the chat' per se but I think it was really clear we were both on the same page about 4 weeks in?

pinkbowl · 22/11/2022 08:25

We both deleted the app we met on after our first date. He asked me to be his GF on our second date. Very sweet ❤
We both knew we had met our match.
We had chatted for a couple of weeks before our first date.
It was our 8th anniversary last week.

Happywife22 · 08/06/2023 07:39

a couple of guys I dated for a few weeks and it was never official. Met my now husband and was official pretty much straight away. I sort of just knew he was different.