Does the ‘fairytale’ relationship really exist?

[Tinytot5]

I have separated from my ex husband 3 years following a 10 year marriage. Since then I’ve date 2 men, one for over a year and one for the past 6 months.
the first man I realised it was just wasn’t for me, I liked him but I didn’t love him.
this new guy is lovely and we have a really nice time together and I do love him. However I feel like I’m in a place in my life where I could probably not be with him and date other people to see if there’s anyone better suited to me. That probably sounds bad but what I mean is I’ve no ties to him, it’s a lovely relationship but maybe I’m missing out on an amazing one?id say I’m a bit jaded about love really but I do still dream of finding the man of my dreams.

I don't think fairytale relationships exist long term. I'm with an amazing man and have been for almost two years, we have so much in common, same life goals, similar love languages, values, sense of humour, treats me and loves me better than anyone I've ever met. He's like my best friend who I'm Insanely attracted to! We talk all the time, we literally love each others company and he's the love of my life. However, have there been arguments? Yes! Has there been difficulties communicating at times? Yes! Has there been slight trust breaches - yes. Has there been hiccups in the bedroom while we learn what we like and need - yes! I think believing there's someone out there who you are 110% compatible with, that you're never going to argue with is silly. Only you know if what you have now is enough x

Sounds like a, ' Have I really done the best I can? '.
🤔

It doesn't sound like you love him, it sounds like you've settled for him. If you're still looking around and wondering if there's someone better suited for you out there, then he's not The One.

If you were with the right person, you wouldn't feel like this. Whether the fairytale exists or not, people in happy, healthy relationships don't wonder if they could do better.

I have an amazing relationship. Of course I imagine an extremely handsome, concert pianist, nobel prize winning multi millionaire wonderful man. However, such a man doesn't exist and I am certainly not that standard of woman. So in the sensible light of day my lovely averagely good looking very kind husband is actually brilliant and I certainly wouldn't swap him, despite any minor niggles of which I'm equally guilty. You're only settling if you are fairly sure you could actually find some one better. But if your imagined someone better is totally unrealistic, you need to either stay single and get a vibrator or have a word with yourself and remind yourself of his good points.

Really? I’m very happy with DH but like @StamppotAndGravy I sometimes wonder what happened to the suave, sophisticated, stunningly handsome, incredibly rich, planet saving, poverty eradicating man the 16 year old me planned on marrying 😂

I don’t think fairytale relationships exist, no - I think healthy, happy relationships are built on love, friendship and shared values with ups, downs and lots of in between times when you’re just getting on with ordinary, mundane life. If you can’t think of anyone you’d rather spend time as you go through life together with then I think that’s the marker of a long term, happy relationship - forget all the black and white Insta shots and talk of fairytales, they’re just not real.

@SirChenjins

Are you actually wondering if you ought to try going out to meet your concert pianist though? Does it make you wonder if you're with the right person? If not, you've missed my point entirely.

My concert pianist?

Your dream man. Sorry, I got you mixed up with the post above.

No, I’m not planning to give up a thirty year marriage to a man I love very much. It was meant to be lighthearted - talk about missing points entirely.

OP maybe you need to date for a while?

Mine was lighthearted.

Sorry for the mild derail, OP - stopping now!

Of course fairytale relationships don't exist, so if that's what you're looking for then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Long-term, happy relationships do exist, but they're nothing like the nonsense in movies and novels.

I have had a number of unsuccessful relationships where I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong.
I am now in a relationship with someone I have known as a friend for 20 years and I can honestly say that feeling has never risen in my stomach! I have never known happiness like this.
It does exist but also the more you look the less you find it! Or at least, that was the case for me.

@Tinytot5 If you are thinking this whilst in the honeymoon stage it's probably not right, however maybe the issue is you're not ready and are you realistic I don't think fairytale relationships exist. People change, circumstances change and a relationship will suffer as a result.

Everyone I know who are in longterm "successful" relationships have had troughs (not usually in the first 2 years though). They have both decided to commit to each other and weather the tough times.

I think once you have ended a marriage you are less likely to tolerate other relationships..it's could be why 2nd or 3rd marriages have higher failure rate.

Fairy tale relationships are one of the biggest cons sold to our girls and young women. Life is not a rom com.
The idea you can have it all, don't ever settle can be harmful. Women of course need to feel enough self worth to leave or better yet avoid abusive men and toxic relationships however this 'more more more' I want the fairy tale love story every single day and night of our lives is not realistic.
I agree it sounds like you think you can do better. It might be true or it might be some dysfunctional, self destructive, fear of commitment thing inside you...I don't know!

I was with my ex for twenty years - I hated him for most of them !!!!

I’ve been with my now partner for nearly three years. He’s my soul mate, we never argue ! Sure we have disagreements but it’s never escalates in to argument, we have a lot of respect for each other and are best friends. We have a 99% perfect relationship but the 1% for my part is not enough sex but everything else is perfect !

not sure 100% perfect relationships exist !

I know some of you won't like this at all, but I used to watch Kevin Samuel's videos on YouTube and some of the women there had a cognitive dissonance between what they had to offer and what they wanted in a man. They were very unrealistic in their expectations. They were sold the manifest, write your dream man characteristics on a piece of paper, you're a queen wait for your king type of school of thought. Anyone seen Indian Matchmaker on Netflix? Along the same lines, too. Seen the pickiness and unrealistic expectations? yeah that doesn't get you anywhere because you are always setting yourself up for disappointment. You're not a princess, he's not a prince, you're just two people who hopefully will be kind and loving towards each other enough to endure life's curveballs.

Something someone once said to me - there was once a woman who was looking for the perfect man and at last one day she found him, the only problem was that he was looking for the perfect woman!
No fairytales don't exist but I've been married to the same man for over thirty years. Are we/have we been happy? Yes absolutely. Has it always been perfect? - not of course not

Are you really ready to spend the rest of your life with this man? If he was in a car accident tomorrow and needed someone to walk, to toilet, to cut his food - - are you going to even TRY to stay with him? And reverse that question. If YOU were the one falling ill, do you think he would stand by you? Would you even want him to? Life isn't always rainbows and sweet dreams. But people do celebrate long marriages, right to death. If you can't take the dirty sheets and bad times, let the guy go so he can find someone who will.

I know it sounds boring OP but honestly, older people have a lot of wisdom to impart on this one. And remember that people in their 60s and 70s are those who grew up after the era of the sexual revolution. It’s not like most of us (I am 60) were forced to settle by societal pressure. So, here’s my advice 😄

So, fairytale relationships don’t exist after a couple of years (5 years max). That is a fact. But why would anyone be looking for a fairytale relationship? Somebody on here has already said that romantic songs, films etc do a great disservice to women in setting up an idea of what we should aspire to. That’s absolutely true, but I’m not being in the least killjoy or cynical in saying that. A happy, successful relationship is amazing and fulfilling and reassuring and feels wonderful but bears very little resemblance to ones you see in films.

How do you know you have found it? Well, you feel completely comfortable with that person and you can be yourself with that person. That’s it. That’s all. He’s not perfect, and you’re not perfect but you feel totally comfortable with each other. That’s when you will know.

Fairytale relationships don’t exist. But if you are happy in your relationship I don’t think you seriously think about being with someone else (in a real way!). Relationships do take work, you’re both two flawed individuals - perfect people don’t exist!

You are a realist.🙂

You very well-thought ideas show wisdom.🙂

Lots of solid facts here.🙂