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Original poster

Does the ‘fairytale’ relationship really exist?

52 replies

Tinytot5 · 21/11/2022 15:27

I have separated from my ex husband 3 years following a 10 year marriage. Since then I’ve date 2 men, one for over a year and one for the past 6 months.
the first man I realised it was just wasn’t for me, I liked him but I didn’t love him.
this new guy is lovely and we have a really nice time together and I do love him. However I feel like I’m in a place in my life where I could probably not be with him and date other people to see if there’s anyone better suited to me. That probably sounds bad but what I mean is I’ve no ties to him, it’s a lovely relationship but maybe I’m missing out on an amazing one?id say I’m a bit jaded about love really but I do still dream of finding the man of my dreams.

OP posts:
Renrute · 03/12/2022 19:08

A lot of truth.🙂

GingerLiberalFeminist · 03/12/2022 19:10

I used to come on these threads to say "No, no such thing" 😅

After a divorce in 2014 I'd dated every sort of waste of space going.

Then early this year I meet a guy at a hobby, we hit it off and I'm smitten quickly. We start dating, it's all amazing, no effort or worrying about being too clingy or playing hard to get etc.

He proposed in October at a mutually enjoyable event, we bought a house and we are now expecting a baby.

If you'd told me two years ago this could happen I'd have laughed you out of Mills and Boon novels.

Don't get me wrong, there's imperfections. We accommodate our different music taste, his foodie habits to my food is fuel approach. But its no struggle.

So keep going out and meeting people. Til it doesn't seem like it's an effort to be with someone.

-x-

WidowTwanki · 03/12/2022 19:16

GingerLiberalFeminist · 03/12/2022 19:10

I used to come on these threads to say "No, no such thing" 😅

After a divorce in 2014 I'd dated every sort of waste of space going.

Then early this year I meet a guy at a hobby, we hit it off and I'm smitten quickly. We start dating, it's all amazing, no effort or worrying about being too clingy or playing hard to get etc.

He proposed in October at a mutually enjoyable event, we bought a house and we are now expecting a baby.

If you'd told me two years ago this could happen I'd have laughed you out of Mills and Boon novels.

Don't get me wrong, there's imperfections. We accommodate our different music taste, his foodie habits to my food is fuel approach. But its no struggle.

So keep going out and meeting people. Til it doesn't seem like it's an effort to be with someone.

-x-

Good for you. I suspect that all of your hard work kissing frogs for years taught you to know what great looked and felt like when you stumbled across it.

GingerLiberalFeminist · 03/12/2022 19:24

Thanks @WidowTwanki I do confess part of me is still waiting for it to go Pete tong!

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 03/12/2022 19:25

Funnily enough, I was thinking about this the other day, and realised that as far as fairytale endings go - the "they all lived happily ever after" bit - I pretty much had.

DH and I met nearly 20 years ago and fell almost in love. We moved in together, then got married, then had kids, and we are on the whole still very happy. We love and cherish each other, and our kids. We still make each other laugh. We still prefer each other's company over anyone else's. Our kids are happy and loved and well looked after.

So, yes, we got our fairytale.

Renrute · 03/12/2022 19:43

Ladies, this is a very, very strong discussion!

MolliciousIntent · 03/12/2022 19:51

It depends what your fairytale is. Growing up I always dreamed id have a marriage like my parents', and I do, and it is every bit and wonderful as I always imagined it would be.

CPL593H · 03/12/2022 20:02

In my experience (widowed from a long marriage, over a decade into second) starting from a point of passion and romantic love gives you a reference point to hold on to later when things are rather less entrancing (bills, flu, mundanity etc.) You remember that you did actually love that person that much, it can ebb and flow but it is always there. The caveat is that there has to also be a tolerant, supportive and respectful follow on from the first heady flush, where you are actually friends as well, really good friends.

Renrute · 03/12/2022 20:13

CPL, you are very wise.🙂

Renrute · 03/12/2022 20:13

Well done!🙂

Renrute · 03/12/2022 20:15

How do you know he might be the one?🙂

Renrute · 03/12/2022 20:18

You obviously found yours.🙂

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 03/12/2022 20:25

Not sure what to say.
We both declared our love for each other on our first date.
Been married for 32 years and we still love each other so much.
We've weathered some storms but we both understand each other and wouldn't have it any other way.
We're utterly devoted to each other.

missbriteside · 03/12/2022 20:34

After splitting up with my ex of over 20 yrs, I dated and had similar feelings to you that something wasn’t quite right, not easy to articulate what.

Then I met my current partner and don’t have to question it all all. I expected the honeymoon period to pass but after nearly 2 years it’s just getting stronger. We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I never once doubt us. I’m glad now I didn’t settle on something that was just nice or ok.

If deep down you know he’s not the one for you it’s kinder to both of you to let him go.

Renrute · 03/12/2022 21:55

Well done.🙂

Renrute · 03/12/2022 21:55

Congrats.🙂

supercali77 · 03/12/2022 22:05

I read a thing about there being a connection between girls loving fairytales and ending up in abusive relationships. I haven't checked to find the source of this but it makes sense to me. In fairy tales there's a lot of romantic idealism, escapism etc. All the preserve of the con man.

BestSelfBlah · 03/12/2022 22:15

No, it doesn't. Reality always seeps in.

candycane10 · 03/12/2022 22:49

Watchkeys · 03/12/2022 16:27

If you were with the right person, you wouldn't feel like this. Whether the fairytale exists or not, people in happy, healthy relationships don't wonder if they could do better.

100% agree with this

If you were with the right person you wouldn't be questioning it this way. Not at 6 months anyway when you should still be in the head over heels loved-up bubble.

Just because he's a decent guy doesn't mean he's right for you. If you were genuinely in love you wouldn't be questioning "is this as good as it gets" - fwiw he also deserves more than someone who is wondering that about him 6 months in

Cas112 · 03/12/2022 22:58

It's not love if your wondering what else is out there

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 04/12/2022 16:19

Bloody Mills & Boon, other chick-lit and rom-com have us believing that we can all have the fairy tale but it rarely, if ever happens.

FrancescaContini · 04/12/2022 16:21

No. The clue is in the word “fairytale”.

Renruter · 04/12/2022 20:01

It can happen!

Renruter · 04/12/2022 20:12

Good comment!

Renruter · 04/12/2022 20:13

I agree!