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Original poster

How do you bring up someone's hygiene

53 replies

HMum19 · 21/11/2022 13:47

So, I need help broaching something with my boyfriend.
How do I politely ask him to shower/ wash himself before he have "intimate" time? I've never noticed an issue with his hygiene before, he isn't necessarily smelly or anything or that matter, but I have been having issues down below on and off and I am worried he is causing them, I know he doesn't always shower after we have sex and has admitted to going a day or day without showering after he have sex... And then will have sex with me again!
I have just finished a course of antibiotics after getting a urine infection and I just don't want to take any risks anymore. It always infuriates me that as a woman I'm always freshly clean and presented for him, for him to not make the effort to even shower for me! I can tell when it's freshly washed and when its not...
Such an awkward thing to even discuss because I love him to bits, but I can't risk another infection down below!!! How do I bring this up to him

OP posts:
AramintaLee · 21/11/2022 19:17

So I'm prone to UTI's (despite doing everything to avoid them - taking d-mannose was the best thing!) and because of that, my BF knows he has to have a quick shower before sex. He's seen me really struggle with persistent UTI's in the past and is super understanding that I need everything fresh and clean. If your partner respects you, he'll understand the request.

The conversation was essentially "babe I'm sick of getting constant UTI's and although I don't think you're the issue, just to be on the safe side would you mind jumping in the shower before sex going forwards?" and he said of course and that was it. Zero issues!

Santagiveyoursackawash · 21/11/2022 19:51

Tell him for you foreplay doesn't include smelling a stale dick
..

Megjobethamy · 21/11/2022 19:53

Aquamarine1029 · 21/11/2022 13:53

If he has so little respect for you, and seemingly no self-respect, is this even a conversation worth having? He knows he's dirty, he just doesn't care. I'd be moving on because men like him never change.

Gy
Hu

StClare101 · 21/11/2022 20:03

Gross. Just dump him.

I could never fancy a guy who does this. Just…. Blergh.

PeterNye · 21/11/2022 22:10

Im a man and if we don't shower everyday and clean under the foreskin a white sticky stuff accumulates and it smells like stilton cheese.

OP's bf should know this

CourtneeLuv · 21/11/2022 22:29

PeterNye · 21/11/2022 22:10

Im a man and if we don't shower everyday and clean under the foreskin a white sticky stuff accumulates and it smells like stilton cheese.

OP's bf should know this

Smegma 🤮

CourtneeLuv · 21/11/2022 22:33

There is no evidence that smegma, itself, causes penile cancer,[8] but it may harbor cancerous pathogens, like HPV, and its presence over a long period of time may irritate and inflame the penis,[7] which may increase the risk of cancer. It may also make it harder to see very early cancers.[17]

That's from Wikipedia, op, show him that.

Sunnytwobridges · 22/11/2022 02:24

ChocoFudge · 21/11/2022 14:30

Why do you even want to have sex with a man who has to be told to wash?!? Would totally put me off.

This!!! I wouldn’t even want to date a man that doesn’t shower every day especially after sex.

mackthepony · 22/11/2022 02:28

Pretty rough tbh

Tell him no shower, no jiggy

ClareBlue · 22/11/2022 07:04

namechange3394 · 21/11/2022 14:56

Can you say your doctor has told you it's essential he washes before sex with you because of the UTIs?

This is the way to do it. Always say it is doctor advice and if they ignore it then you have your answer.

YRGAM · 22/11/2022 07:10

Don't be afraid to tell him directly. Men are usually fine with straight talking on matters like this - you don't have to tiptoe around it like you would with a female friend, for example. Telling him as clearly as you can is much kinder in the long run.

cheshirebloke · 22/11/2022 23:28

Maybe you could shower with him? Have some fun together in there and you can be sure he's clean then too.

Need to shower daily to keep things clean down there. Really a grown man ought to know this already, it's just basic personal hygiene. And the only way for a man to clean up properly after sex is with a shower. I know I literally feel icky down there until I have. My gf doesn't seem so bothered about showering herself, something I've always found a bit odd, but maybe women can clean themselves up a bit easier without needing to shower?

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/11/2022 23:35

Jesus - just be blunt. I keep getting UTIs, asked the doctor why and they said partner hygiene can be a factor. I don’t you don’t shower everyday, please can you start from now on. It’s also much nicer and more respectful for me as your partner.

Don’t have sex with him if he hasn’t showered recently. You say you can tell, so just send him to the shower.

You don’t have to be tactful. The man clearly doesn’t feel he owes you much consideration.

Seriously this is not a viable relationship and this bloke is not a keeper if you can’t talk to him in a straightforward way. This isn’t mysterious unexplained bad breath - he smells because he isn’t washing.

ShellsOnTheBeach · 22/11/2022 23:36

This is so totally disgusting, the mere thought makes me retch!

Where's your self-respect, @HMum19...

Please read a book called Women Who Love Too Much. I'm sure you'll find it helpful.

littlemissfirecracker · 22/11/2022 23:41

Come on! Surely you're not staying with someone who doesn't keep clean? It's a minimum expectation and a complete turn off. What the hell would you try to educate him about cleaning his own body? You're not his mother. This will get worse. How can you contemplate staying with him?

Remaker · 22/11/2022 23:45

Well I would have no trouble telling my DH to get in the shower if he had any expectations that night. But if you’re struggling to bring it up just tell him it’s the dr’s advice. But honestly shouldn’t need a dr to tell him to be clean - he sounds lazy and selfish.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/11/2022 23:52

Why would you even be with a grown man who you have to tell to shower as if they're a child? Fucking gross. Raise your standards.

Pansypotter123 · 23/11/2022 00:12

Also, he was going out with his mates today for the footy, and last night he said "I need to get home early tomorrow so I can have a shower and head out" the cheek!!! Can shower for them but not me 😂do I bring it up the next time he initiates sex or bring it up before?

Why didn't you just tell him then, then.

Do you really find this funny?

Avatartar · 15/07/2023 01:02

OP the 1st UTI was his fault, the rest are your fault. Take ownership and responsibility for your own body and keep him away from you if he stinks - come on now!

KatherineSwynford1403 · 15/07/2023 01:54

PeterNye · 21/11/2022 22:10

Im a man and if we don't shower everyday and clean under the foreskin a white sticky stuff accumulates and it smells like stilton cheese.

OP's bf should know this

Being Jewish was the best thing about my ex.

ChrisTrepidation · 15/07/2023 05:23

I would solve the UTI once and for all by dumping him.

Basic hygiene should be a deal breaker for everyone. He doesn't even have enough respect for you to wash his dick before sex!

AutieNOT0tie · 15/07/2023 05:46

I realise this is an old post but just to say UTI are usually caused by bacteria from the anus. So be careful where his penis/hands are going . Wipe front to back when you go to the toilet . Try to wee after sex.

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 15/07/2023 06:02

PeterNye · 21/11/2022 18:53

Grim 😐

May i ask, how did meet this gent?

😁

I could not or would not be having sex ( or any kind of romantic relationship for that matter ) with someone who doesn’t wash.

My husband is completely anal ( no pun intended 😁) about being clean … he is immaculate and always freshly washed . I am the same.

No excuse for your fella not washing his dick and it must be very infrequent washing if you can smell it as soon as you get intimate.

🤢

FantasticElasticBand · 15/07/2023 06:54

Why do you find it funny (if that’s what the emoji means)? It’s not.

He doesn’t care if his body & dick smell (& taste) bad. He still expects that you will have sex / perform oral.

He doesn’t care if his dirty dick are causing you UTIs.

WTF are you putting up with this level of contempt? Is he the only available man in the village?

rwalker · 15/07/2023 07:09

Considering OP has said he doesn’t smell or noticed any issues he must have an ok hygiene routine
men are generally unaware of the in’s and out’s of uti’s as they practically never get them
I don’t understand why OP can’t just have a conversation
it’s not implying he’s dirty it’s just ask for him to make sure he’s squeaky clean