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Original poster

Ex refuses to speak to me

30 replies

stillvicarinatutu · 21/11/2022 00:22

We were together 5 years and I got pg to him . He did t want the baby as she was disabled so I terminated, was awful and he disappeared at the time . No support at all.

The relationship was shit but we'd been friends before and I hoped we could be after but he dallied and while seeing his new girlfriend he carried on seeing me which I didn't know at the time .

He is now
Settled and happy I think - moved his gf in and her child who would have been the same age as ours .

I haven't met anyone else and have lived alone for almost 4 years.

Recently became disabled with athritis- ex is avid cyclist so I emailed him to
Ask if he could get my bike roadworthy to aid my recovery and physio.

I've had no reply at all. Nothing. I asked him if he did t want to help to just reply saying he couldn't - but I've had nothing. It's like I never existed. It's knocked me tbh . He wasn't a nice bloke and never did give his time for people for free but I just thought our history would mean something and he might want to help me get mobile .

I've never had a relationship since him - I'm fine alone - but now the athritis means I'm a little stuck at times . Cycling would help me and his hobby is cycling so I just thought I'd ask him.

Was I being a bit dim ? I'm still good friends with ex hubby so just thought maybe with the passage of time he may speak to me . He was always a selfish man , absolutely zero empathy, unable to relate to anything when we terminated his baby girl - he referred to her as "that" and "it" the entire time . He wouldn't carry her coffin at the funeral . He made me Ill with pelvic inflammatory disease because he wanted sex immediately after her birth even though I was bleeding. He called me an embarrassment to him for taking time off work after the termination. We worked together. No one else thought that just him . I got more support from colleagues. He disappeared for 6 weeks . Never called, visited , nothing. Ending it was the right thing to do but I thought after 4 years apart he might help me with my bike . Nothing back from him at all .

Just a bit sad .

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 21/11/2022 00:25

Wow. This is about waaaay more than the bike.

There are 100s of other ways to get your bike sorted.

What is it you really want from him? Some sort of closure maybe?

SouperNoodle · 21/11/2022 00:26

Contacting an ex after 4 years to ask if they can do you a favour is pretty odd tbf. I would've ghosted you as well.

History is just that - history. He owes you nothing and has moved on.
Why didn't you take it to a bike shop?

SpinningFloppa · 21/11/2022 00:28

sorry about what happened but yes it was odd to message him and I would have ignored it to.

DuplicateUserName · 21/11/2022 00:29

I'm still good friends with ex hubby so just thought maybe with the passage of time he may speak to me

Is your ex husband and the 'ex' you're talking about in the OP a separate person?

Sorry I couldn't be sure when I read it.

Ofcourseshecan · 21/11/2022 00:33

I’m sorry you’re now disabled, OP, and that your ex is so horrible. I really wouldn’t waste time on such a vile man. He has never been good to you, so why do you think he will start now?

Please look for better friends, and contact an arthritis support group such www.arthritisaction.org.uk

I suggest also finding a local cycling group and seeing if someone there will help you.

news.motability.co.uk/inspiration/a-guide-to-cycling-with-a-disability/

Best of luck.

DuplicateUserName · 21/11/2022 00:34

Halfords do bike repairs.

notforme · 21/11/2022 00:42

I think it was a bit odd of you to contact an ex from 4 years ago about something you could have gone elsewhere for.. Why would you even want his help when he sounds so awful?

MintJulia · 21/11/2022 00:42

Why would you want to contact such a loathsome person? He's history, leave him there.

Ring your local bike club or bike shop and ask for help.

AtrociousCircumstance · 21/11/2022 00:47

It does sound like you wanted a reason to contact him because you still feel unresolved and full of pain about your relationship and how he behaved.

It was obviously an excuse to contact him and it’s no surprise he didn’t respond.

AliceNutter · 21/11/2022 01:00

Tbh he sounds absolutely horrible and I feel sad that you still want to make space for him in your life. I think you need to develop support and other friendships and write this old boyfriend off.

Original poster
stillvicarinatutu · 21/11/2022 05:29

I'm not really surprised he hasn't answered but our paths do cross occasionally.

I can't get the bike in my car and I just don't have the spare funds to
take it for a service. I only got the damn thing to try and find a common interest with him but now physio have said to swim or cycle . I can't swim so I just thought I'd ask him if he could get it roadworthy for me - I left all my oil and tools at his .

OP posts:
TeaAndJaffacakes · 21/11/2022 05:46

Did you tell your physio you can’t swim? They might also recommend water walking or aqua aerobics or other non-swimming water based exercise.
I think you might need to invest in new oil and tools for your bike. Write off the ones you left with your ex. He’s probably gotten rid of them since anyway.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 21/11/2022 08:39

He is in a relationship and clearly has no interest in being friends with you. Leave him alone.

Blahburst · 21/11/2022 08:41

Sorry OP - he has no obligation to speak to you or maintain any relationship with you.

SpinningFloppa · 21/11/2022 08:50

I’m going to buy my 2 kids bikes for Xmas I’m rubbish at building bikes so I’m going to pay for someone to come round and build them, if you can’t get it in your car that’s what you need to do. I wouldn’t contact an ex from years ago asking them to do it.

PearlclutchersInc · 21/11/2022 08:56

I really don't understand why on earth you would anything, and I mean anything, from this man. You already know he's an absolute shit.

barelyfunctional · 21/11/2022 08:57

Why would you want to invite someone who has treated you so horribly back into your life? Why would you want to be friends with him?

MichelleScarn · 21/11/2022 09:03

After 4 years, is it still his number?

Bigbadfish · 21/11/2022 09:05

He was violent and abusive so I can only assume you are in some way trauma bonded.

But it was inappropriate. He doesn't want any type of realtionship with you. Regardless of what you need he has separated from you.

From losing a baby you loved to then being assaulted and abused would be enough to break the strongest person.
I would consider speaking to someone. But delete him, everything you have needs to go.

IntrovertedPenguin · 21/11/2022 09:10

Op it's been 4 years, he's clearly moved on with his life and doesn't want anything to do with you.

I'm so sorry about what happened between you and loosing your daughter but you need to move on. I'd ignored the text too.

medicatedgift · 21/11/2022 09:11

I'm sorry op but I wouldn't reply to an ex from 4 years ago either.

He treated you terribly, why would you want contact?

Can you post on Facebook and see if there's a local repair cafe type place could fix your bike?

Roundandnour · 21/11/2022 09:11

If an ex contacted me after several years for a favour I wouldn’t reply either. Assuming I hadn’t blocked/changed number.

can I suggest you get some counselling/therapy to deal with the unresolved issues?

Any teens/cyclists on your road? I’ve paid them in the past to do some work on my kids bikes. Also used bicycle workshops that pop up in some areas.

AmIThatMam · 21/11/2022 09:20

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. He is definitely not the help you need.
You need to delete his number.
If there is a local bike repair shop they might be able to visit your home if you explain. I know ours would in these circumstances. Alternatively have you got any friends that could help? You could Google how to fix the bike and do it together.
I know you said you can’t swim but moving around in the water could help. Try aqua fit and stay in the shallow end x

Unicorn717 · 21/11/2022 09:30

I wouldn't have replied either if it was a random message asking for a favour after that long.

You clearly went though a lot while you were with him and he acted like a dick but you're not with him now and he's moved on (and I'm guessing he's happy with this new person). Just leave him alone.

Its not his job to sort things for you. But I don't think this is all about him not sorting your bike for you because that could be sorted somewhere else.

Idontdoyoga · 21/11/2022 09:42

Get onto your local Facebook page & ask for help with your bike. I find lots of people are helpful via that route.

As others have said, I think you just wanted an excuse to contact him. He’s shown you what he is, so now believe him.

I am so sorry you have been so hurt & distressed and are now unwell with joint issues. Life can’t be much fun so sending you a hand hold & truly hope cycling will bring new horizons & strength. You’ll probably meet some lovely people too if you join a cycling group. Google for one near you.