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Original poster

Male friend keeps blocking me

55 replies

Anon778833 · 19/11/2022 23:00

I have known him for about 16 years but we seem to go through these cycles of being friends and chatting and then him blocking me out of the blue. No arguments coming before or anything. Our friendship hasn't always been platonic - we slept together a few times about 8 years ago. But he lives in London which is 2.5 hours away from me so I can't be in a relationship with him unless he moves, and I told him this. I can't move because I have children settled in my area (he doesn't have any)

The sudden cutting me off is hurtful because we seem to be getting on great and then he suddenly does it. When I later ask him why, he comes up with what sounds like a bunch of excuses. He does have a lot of issues including bulimia.

I'm autistic and I struggle to understand what's going on a lot of the time in relationships. One of my female friends said to me that she thinks he sounds a bit narcissistic.

Has anyone else had this sort of situation?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 19/11/2022 23:03

Is he single? Could he be doing this blocking when in a relationship?

Original poster
Anon778833 · 19/11/2022 23:05

No, not to my knowledge. He has been in relationships when he didn't block me. Wouldn't most people have the courtesy to explain such a thing?

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 19/11/2022 23:05

I suspected he blocks you when in a relationship as well

Justcallmebebes · 19/11/2022 23:12

He doesn't sound much of a friend to be honest and there's obviously some sort of dynamic where he feels he has the upper hand. Hence the blocking at his choosing.

I'd stay blocked and cut him loose. Friends don't behave this way

IMissVino · 19/11/2022 23:48

Why are you tolerating this? Why are you okay being treated like something he got on his shoe? This man is not your friend. Stop engaging, cut him off and block him.

AnnoyedHumph · 19/11/2022 23:50

He doesn’t sound like someone I would want as a friend…

Readaboutyourself · 19/11/2022 23:52

Anon778833 · 19/11/2022 23:05

No, not to my knowledge. He has been in relationships when he didn't block me. Wouldn't most people have the courtesy to explain such a thing?

They absolutely would. I think he’s just self absorbed and maybe he enjoys causing you this worry.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 20/11/2022 00:05

I think I've just let him manipulate me all these years.

OP posts:
Eleusa · 20/11/2022 00:07

He doesn’t sound much of a friend. Block and move on.

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/11/2022 00:08

He’s not your friend. Friends don’t treat each other like this.

He uses you when it suits him, and manipulates you into feeling vulnerable to make himself feel less vulnerable and inadequate.

Block him and move on. You deserve better

Original poster
Anon778833 · 20/11/2022 00:11

He makes me feel like I've done something wrong to make him block me.

OP posts:
Quiegal · 20/11/2022 03:23

@Xaviera

I think you should just block him now on everything and don't unblock at all.

Move on with your life.

Fraaahnces · 20/11/2022 03:51

I think he’s just a shit. Perhaps you should return the favour and block him back, but make it permanent.

SunshineAndFizz · 20/11/2022 04:52

He's trying to get over you. Let him go.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 20/11/2022 08:13

What usually happens is that he suddenly emails me out of the blue.

This time, I'm going to not go back there again. It will never change.

OP posts:
baileys6904 · 20/11/2022 08:18

If it will never change, block him

It reads to me like this fella really likes you, and the friendship leads him to think there may be hope for more in the future, and then you say no, so he tries to block and move on. You say there's no chance for the relationship unless he moves, which also reads that there is chance if he does. Perhaps he feels that he's being manipulated- it must be hard to uproot yourself on the hope that something will happen? Perhaps you need to just have a very open conversation to discuss feelings once and for all

Original poster
Anon778833 · 20/11/2022 08:28

baileys6904 · 20/11/2022 08:18

If it will never change, block him

It reads to me like this fella really likes you, and the friendship leads him to think there may be hope for more in the future, and then you say no, so he tries to block and move on. You say there's no chance for the relationship unless he moves, which also reads that there is chance if he does. Perhaps he feels that he's being manipulated- it must be hard to uproot yourself on the hope that something will happen? Perhaps you need to just have a very open conversation to discuss feelings once and for all

Part of my hesitation is because in the beginning when I knew him, he seemed like a total player to me. And I watched how he treated one of his girlfriends who seemed like a decent woman.

He has never expressed anything more than a physical attraction for me and I don't want to be used so I think it's reasonable for me to not just allow myself to be used as a booty call.

In the past, he just talked about us seeing more of each other and I told him I didn't think it was possible to grow a relationship when we live that far apart.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 20/11/2022 08:53

I have a friend who does this, pretty much exact same situation as you. He messages me, only on social media now, will chat for a while and then a few days later im blocked. Blocking can last for a while and then suddenly I’m unblocked and a little while late he messages again.
I feel used and hurt when he did it so I stopped replying. I noticed he only messaged me when he wanted something, he liked to flirt and would want some fun and then he’d back off again. I noticed he was in a relationship one time he blocked me as he clearly didn’t want me to see it so I would still be there when it ended. I haven’t blocked him, I stupidly still have feelings for him, but I don’t reply now. Just let him be as I’m not there to be used.
I can see you have feelings for him but you deserve better. If he wanted to be with you he’d try find a way to make it work.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 20/11/2022 09:57

Well, the feelings I have about him are complex. I wouldn't say I want to be with him but yeah I care about him which is why it's hurtful when he cuts me off.

OP posts:
BlueWalnut · 20/11/2022 10:02

He clearly has issues, which is a pity for him but he is not your responsibility to fix. I would let the friendship (if you can call it that) slide and fill your time with seeing other friends who you have a more positive relationship with.

Velvetbee · 20/11/2022 10:16

I seem to have acquired one of these over the summer. I think narcissist too. He’s much younger than me and I feel a sort of maternal care for him though I’m wary of the head-fuckery.
I’m writing him into a play which feels therapeutic.

zlister · 20/11/2022 10:23

You told your 'friend' that you couldn't be in a relationship due to distance? You are kidding yourself if you think he's a friend. He's a love interest.

MissEnolaHolmes · 20/11/2022 10:27

Anon778833 · 20/11/2022 00:05

I think I've just let him manipulate me all these years.

Well then take control. He’s not a nice friend and even worse potential boyfriend so delete him and move on - I did with a friend who was always flirting and suggestions spent hours of the phone taking about what he had for breakfast etc but didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend - deleting and got a few messages and deleted those without reading them

Autumnisclose · 20/11/2022 10:29

He's using you as a pick me-up when he feels down and once you've fulfilled that he blocks you. He won't change and he's not a friend. If I were you I'd block him for good and move on.

LaBellina · 20/11/2022 10:33

Block him and move on. This dynamic is toxic and certainly not a friendship.
You don’t need to worry that you’re missing out on any clues due to autism because your gut feeling is spot on, this is a very hurtful way to treat people leave alone friends. Even if he thinks you’ve done something wrong then he can tell you instead of cutting you off and then come back. It’s not acceptable behavior towards anyone.