Male friend keeps blocking me

[Anon778833]

I have known him for about 16 years but we seem to go through these cycles of being friends and chatting and then him blocking me out of the blue. No arguments coming before or anything. Our friendship hasn't always been platonic - we slept together a few times about 8 years ago. But he lives in London which is 2.5 hours away from me so I can't be in a relationship with him unless he moves, and I told him this. I can't move because I have children settled in my area (he doesn't have any)

The sudden cutting me off is hurtful because we seem to be getting on great and then he suddenly does it. When I later ask him why, he comes up with what sounds like a bunch of excuses. He does have a lot of issues including bulimia.

I'm autistic and I struggle to understand what's going on a lot of the time in relationships. One of my female friends said to me that she thinks he sounds a bit narcissistic.

Has anyone else had this sort of situation?

I had a friend that behaved like this. He had several women he messaged (though wasn’t in relationships with) and blocked the others when he was more focussed on one of the others. It was like we were on some weird rotation. As others have said block him back. People like this aren’t real friends and don’t value you. You deserve more than being there to feed his ego in some way.

Blocking is really hurtful, it's an extreme when you really don't want that person in your life. Don't let him treat you this way, he thinks you'll come back around whenever he feels like it, I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. I had a ex that did this, I didn't block him back but waited until he unblocked me to message again, I knew he would! and I just deleted his message without reading it.

It's hurtful because he's clearly demonstrating that whilst you care about him, he doesn't give a crap about your feelings.

Just walk away. He's 2.5 hours away, so he's not going to bother you in any way that you can't simply ignore.

Don't waste your time trying to work out people who treat you like crap. Why would you?

"Has anyone else had this sort of situation?"

Yes. I have in the past been treated like shit by so called friends.

I walked away from them and never had anything more to do with them.

That's how you deal with someone who treats you like garbage.

Thanks for replies. Yes, my feeling is that maybe the above scenario is what's actually going on here.

Thank you. You're right.

I've had in the past a similar situation with a male friend, complete with random blockings for no reason, various issues including bulimia for him, and narcissism suggestion from other people. I've cut him out of my life for good a long time ago. Maybe we're all talking about the same guy, or maybe there's many of them out there. :)) He was also a Londoner!

Is he a quantity surveyor?!

He's not a friend OP. There's feelings / sexual jealousy / some sort of male ego shit at play here.

The cycle has gone on exactly the same for 16 years so it's not going to change. I won't get suckered in again.

I reckon he blocks you when he's in a relationship. He sounds like he strings you on to use you as a pick me up when he wants one. Normal friends don't block each other for periods at a time.

It wouldn't surprise me if he's got a group of women that he does this to as someone mentioned already.

He tries to pretend that he really cares about me. When I was in a psychiatric hospital, he was the only person who came to see me and tried to make me feel better.

He has done some terrible things. One of those was that he kept going into his lodger's bedroom when she was at work and reading her diary. After reading that she was interested in him, he made a move on her, got her pregnant and then didn't want to be with her or anything. His behaviour was predatory - who invades privacy that way?

A more pertinent question might be ‘who is friends with someone who behaves this way?’

This man is a horrible disgusting person, yet you remained friends with him. He treats you like shite, yet you remained friends with him. Even now, there’s apparently some risk of you being ‘suckered in’. At some point, you need to look inwards and ask yourself why.

Ugh.

Stop trying to figure him out and cut him out of your life.

Block him on everything, change your email address if necessary, and just be done with him. He's got nothing you need in your life.

Block him and move on.

Nest time he contacts you, just delete the message unread. At the moment, he is in control, he blocks you, then gets back in touch, then blocks you again. Take back control and either block him or delete any messages the next time.

Why he does it is not relevant. You decide whether to let him into your life or not.

I have got a male friend who proudly tells everyone l am his best mate.

But l will go for months without hearing from him especially when he is a new relationship.

In the early days, l massively fancied him and he knew it and used that to use me for sex . I can see it now but at the time l thought omg this is it we are soul mates.

Thankfully someone better came along and l told him sorry but no more. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked but l had to do it for my own self respect.

Barely hear from him these days unless l message first. Shame but who needs such poor quality friends?

He has done some terrible things. One of those was that he kept going into his lodger's bedroom when she was at work and reading her diary. After reading that she was interested in him, he made a move on her, got her pregnant and then didn't want to be with her or anything. His behaviour was predatory - who invades privacy that way?

wow. You chose that as your friend?

You block me once, you're blocked for life, still held true to this even during my desperate dating days!

Seriously, fool me once and all that...

An absolute wanker.

Who wants to be friends with someone like that?

He has done some terrible things. One of those was that he kept going into his lodger's bedroom when she was at work and reading her diary. After reading that she was interested in him, he made a move on her, got her pregnant and then didn't want to be with her or anything. His behaviour was predatory - who invades privacy that way?

It's concerning you continued a friendship with him knowing he did this to a woman. It's terrifying behaviour. Predatory, like you say. Did you at the time not cut contact at least for a while, when you found out he did that?

Please do work on your boundaries so that if you ever have a friend behaving in the above way, you would walk away from that friendship as they are not a safe person to have in your life.

And to be clear, I asked if you cut contact 'at least for a while' as I know you stayed in touch, not because I think you should only have cut contact for a while rather than forever.

Healthy boundaries would mean cutting contact entirely, permanently, with someone so predatory. And terrifying tbh.

You don't need him.

I think he contacts you out of the blue when he wants sex or an ego boost. Then blocks you if and when he doesn't get it.

I would block him instead.

I hate what he did to this woman. But apparently they are still friends too 🤔 this was only in the last few years. I suspect that there is a whole raft of stuff I know nothing about tbh.

If he thinks it's ok to tell me all that what other awful things does he do?

He's very manipulative. I have to remember decent people don't behave like he does.