There is a typical format almost all married men follow and his affair is definately ongoing. If he's told you it's over and she's moved on to someone else it is likely he is trying to throw you off scent. Of course the relationship is sexual. Flowers and intimate Tiffany bracelets (however tawdy they are) are not sent to a person you are merely infatuated with. Come on OP, having read your two posts, you know the answers to the questions you pose BUT are sucked in by the insulting explanations to you from a prize cheat and liar.
Mine followed this script even down to the exact same Tiffany bracelet gift. Their anniversary was the date they first had sex. Affair carried on for nearly two years. He built a whole new secret life with her whilst saying verbatum to me, what your husband is now telling you.
I understand your need to know, and of the utter heartbreak and despair you are going through. OW is the one he confides and shares everything with, she is his primary relationship. He is paying lip service to you to merely be able to continue cake eating whilst not looking like the bad guy if this all explodes. He's a weak pathetic man who currently despite his tears and pleas holds all the power in your marriage due to affair. You are walking on eggshells, undecided if X or Y is enough to blow up your marriage. If he had ANY integrity he would make his phone available to you, he would get a job elsewhere and her number would not be in his phone. ACTIONS NOT EMPTY WORDS FROM HIM OP!
I am telling you this from a place of concern, as I really hate to see other women go through the same as I. All who comment (including yourself in your other post) are correct, there is no coming back from this as he acts like an entitled jerk who has zero respect for you, has realised he can manipulate and use your lack of support (sounding board) network to HIS advantage. I bet you are still protecting and giving him the benefit of the doubt by not confiding in wider family and friends.
Unless he is totally transparent, cuts ALL contact and acts with remorse, not just guilt - please make the required plans to get ducks in a row, expose and grey rock him through a divorce. You need to become your best friend now and look out for your self. He is not on your side. You will never get the trust back and it will make you ill. The body certainly keeps the score. I lost nearly 5 stone, half my hair and gained a stomach ulcer, nevermind my mental health trying to get my head around the lies and manipulation. I was finally diagnosed with PTSD.
He and the OW have jeapordised your mental and physical health, they have colluded to deny you of your reality and informed consent if he has been sexually active with you whilst affair was ongoing. Are you really prepared to stay with a man like that and try to trust him with your future happiness? Please get an STD test ASAP.
Find your anger and put the power back in your hands if you are still in doubt. Ask him to move out and give you space and time to decide IF you want to stay in the marriage. His reaction should tell you all you need to know. A man desperately wanting to save his marriage rather than sweep his piss poor betraying behaviour under the carpet would be understanding and do anything to prove he is now genuine.
When I took the power back, quietly with a steely determination instead of doing the pick me dance, he came begging and pleading.but ultimately it gave me the strength to tell him to stick it and divorce him. The affair fizzled out a short while later.
Incidentally I too thought it was imperative I contact the OW upon discovery, her response was to send me a text detailing how wonderful she felt when he made love to her. He then claimed to end affair. I chose to believe him and try to reconcile. When I discovered it continued for yet another 18mths not only was I distraught but had to put up with a stream of cruel, nasty and further revealing emails from her. One asking when I was leaving him so she could move in and telling me I should stand on my own two feet and stop leaching off him. He had obviously spun her a pack of lies too as it was my money that was supporting us both. I certainly didn't need their drama in my life.
Be careful what you hope to achieve by contacting the OW as she comes with preconceived ideas of what your relationship is like as he will have to have justified affair to not make him look like the bad guy and she is unlikely to believe a word you say or tell you the truth.