Dad disapproves of my boyfriend

[Ducksinarow2]

My dad has found out I have a new boyfriend. My dad has always been opinionated which is why I never told him. My boyfriend is in his 40s, divorced with 2 teenage daughters. He had to move back in with his mum after his last break up as he pays nearly £400 a month in child maintenance plus gives his daughters money on top.

My dad says he was a loser because he does not have his own place. He then started suggested these 'eligible bachelors' he has mentioned before who are moody and controlling just because they are 'good looking' with money and their own home. I really love my boyfriend and he is one of the most kind and caring men I have ever met. We have a lot in common and some of my hobbies are rare, so to meet someone who does all of these too is amazing. Is his life a deal breaker? I don't want to leave him.

I think a lot depends on your age. 18 and I’d be worried, 30 I’d say you’ve experienced enough to make your own judgements.
Your dad probably just wants the best for you and a man with “baggage” doesn’t always make for an easy life.

Can he really not get a place due to paying maintenance though? Surely he needs to readjust the amount if it's genuinely unaffordable. If you're happy and he treats you well, it's not any of your dad's business tbh which is what I would communicate.

How old is your boy friend?

He had to move in with his Mum after his last breakup...how many breakups is that?
So he is paying £400 maintenance and gives his daughters money on top of that..how much? Is he paying rent to his Mum, is he saving at all?
Tbh I would be wondering why a man in his 40s struggles to support his own children to the extent he can't pay rent/mortgage, although good to hear that he is supporting his DC.
From what you say, he sounds perfectly nice but a low earner, which is why your Dad is concerned. What if you want to have children? Could this man support you to do so?

How old are you?

It all depends on how old you are, and whether your dad is being reasonable to be concerned about you falling for a man with so much emotional baggage.

@DelphiniumBlue He pays his mum £300 a month rent for the bills.

How old are you, OP?

I am 39 and boyfriend is 45.

How old are you?
How old is your boy friend?

It sounded like you were 18 and he was 40!

Tell your father you are a grown woman and to butt out

39 is plenty old enough to make your own decisions about your love life!

So I guess the next question is, is your dad always this opinionated about your life? How do you feel about your dad's general input?

Why on earth are you allowing your father to try and dictate who you should date when you’re nearly 40??

It’s none of your dad’s business, I’d be telling him that you’re old enough to make your own choices

I will definitely not be leaving my boyfriend at all but my dad has always tried to control mine and my brothers life. He does it to his friends and other family members giving his opinions when not asked for.

Nod and smile OP. Nothing to do with your daddy.

At 39, you're old enough to know what you want. Tell your dad to keep his beak out.

My son is 42, and has only recently got a place of his own (alone) after splitting with the mum of his 2 boys (junior school age) and living at my house for the past 2 years. He's a great dad, has always worked, always paid his way - for his sons, as well as back to me, etc. Good ethics and a steady job are what matter.

Tell your dad to mind his own business.

Ah, you're 39!

Well in that case I'd just say thanks Dad, noted.

I'd ask yourself though, what do you want in the next five years? Is this man walking in the same direction. You say he's kind but has he made sacrifices for YOU. Not for his mother, not for his children, but do you have real examples of when he was kind to you. Not ''a narrative'' you patched together from how he told you he treated other people.

Your dad needs to remember he's part of the welcoming party not the selection committee. Which is what my dad would mutter to himself when meeting some of my exes!

Your dad is right, he sounds like a loser. I can fully understand where he is coming from - poor guy.

At 39, you should be able to have a grown up conversation with your dad but do keep his thoughts close to your mind as your BF sounds like a short term solution to me.

Has he been "controlling" or does he just want the best for you and perhaps struggles to communicate it effectively? Has he been proved to be right in the past?

My mum is similar but in reality she is right 99% of the time despite coming across as very direct. Some people don't like that but it doesn't bother me and I always listen to what she has to say as I know she has great judgement.

Far better than my partner's who is someone you listen to and then do the opposite, knowing you have probably made the right decision....

Assuming you are over 15 or so, why does your bf need your dad's approval?

By 45, unless you've been very unlucky in life, you should have a career that pays you enough to afford a roof over your head and to support two children. He's not exactly the picture of succes, with several failed relationships behind him and financial struggles. But at least he pays rent and CM, so that's a good sign. Could be worse.

Whether or not he is a decent catch very much depends on where you are in life and what you bring to the table by comparison.

Maybe he likes living at his Mum’s? It’s company for both of them. If he has his own life I don’t see it as a huge deal. Maybe he’s saving for a mortgage and his Mum is supportive of that?

Also boyfriend is not an ageist term surely? Would you rather she said “manfriend”? Creepy.. and he’s not a partner yet.