Dad disapproves of my boyfriend

[Ducksinarow2]

My dad has found out I have a new boyfriend. My dad has always been opinionated which is why I never told him. My boyfriend is in his 40s, divorced with 2 teenage daughters. He had to move back in with his mum after his last break up as he pays nearly £400 a month in child maintenance plus gives his daughters money on top.

My dad says he was a loser because he does not have his own place. He then started suggested these 'eligible bachelors' he has mentioned before who are moody and controlling just because they are 'good looking' with money and their own home. I really love my boyfriend and he is one of the most kind and caring men I have ever met. We have a lot in common and some of my hobbies are rare, so to meet someone who does all of these too is amazing. Is his life a deal breaker? I don't want to leave him.

This.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t afford their own house, even with paying maintenance etc. But that’s because I own my own home outright at 42 (was single mum for years worked 3 jobs and then met dh when dd was little and have been married since) and I’d be concerned about whether they’d be after my own money long term. But that’s just me… I do accept people fall into hard times - done it myself, first marriage left me hugely in debt and had to downsize etc and then developed long term chronic disabilities which impact my ability to work, but as hard as it sounds I really wouldn’t want to be with someone who lives with their Mum in their 40s. I’d also worry their mum would interfere too much.

But saying that - it’s your life and your Dad shouldn’t be telling you what to do.

It sounds like a lot of baggage to take on
.. so he’s out 700 a month and still living with mummy.

where is the future ?

What's your housing situation OP? If you have your own place, be very, very sure about this bloke before moving him in!

This.

Your father has valid concerns that your boyfriend will be unable to support your lifestyles. Money problems in relationships are not ideal in the long run.

Agree that it's not of your dad's business although I can see why he is not happy.

In the end, many men do badly out of divorce which is not a popular opinion in MN I know. They don't qualify for social housing, don't qualify for single parent benefits and unless they are earning a very good wage, it's hard to get back on the property ladder or rent somewhere decent if the family property has been sold or their XP has kept the council/HA house.

This is why so many men are cocklodgers now, only going out with women who have their own home.

It's hard to tell here if your BF is just unlucky or feckless. It seems to be the case these days that people have a kid in every single relationship they have which has led to the phenomena of multiple babymothers and fathers.

If he's got multiple kids by multiple women and a low paid job I would probably not consider him as marriage material.

However if you just want a nice relationship with someone who shares your hobbies etc and you are happy to support yourself and live independently then I see no problem.

Well I'd put your foot down with dad. Tell him his input is fine but he doesn't control your life.

He's not wrong about your new bloke though. Is your new bloke's set up compatible with what you want in life?

You need to make sure who you get with is going to assist you in getting what you want from life. You can't just go with someone cause you have feelings for them. It all depends on where you see yourself going and if that person can go with you.