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Original poster

How would you feel if you found viagra?

29 replies

CrushedPistachios · 15/11/2022 16:08

Much as the thread title really, I’m not sure how I feel about finding it and if I should mention I know or to keep quiet?

my partner had a vasectomy earlier this year and he’s been working a lot more recently, so we don’t seem to have as much quality time together and our sex life has dwindled a bit.

OP posts:
Isittrueornot · 15/11/2022 16:09

Say nothing, see how many go missing and if you’re having sex

conversationsinthedark · 15/11/2022 16:15

I said something when I found some - because I'm hotheaded and can't keep things in 🤣 I also took it personally, as in he needed them for sex with me, my mind didnt jump to cheating...however, if you're suspicious of cheating then maybe see if any go missing then ask? Providing you've not had sex where they could've been used with you.

Original poster
CrushedPistachios · 15/11/2022 16:25

I don’t suspect cheating, I think they’re probably to be used with me. I think it’s just made me feel more self conscious, I’ve put some weight on recently and I feel like I don’t want to initiate anything for fear of him not being up for it as it were.

OP posts:
merlotlover · 15/11/2022 16:30

As long as it's not for any one else I'd be fine with it, things in our bodies change over time, maybe the vasectomy had an affect? It might be a great thing 😉

ArcticSkewer · 15/11/2022 16:32

I'd only suspect cheating, not see it as a reflection on men. Funny how we interpret the same thing differently.

It won't be about your weight gain as viagra doesn't work that way. If he didn't desire you, it just wouldn't have any effect at all. He may be nervous after the vasectomy, though it isn't linked to ED. Men often use it to help with guilty conscience/ nerves in affairs though, or with prostitutes in the hopes they last longer and get value for money.

conversationsinthedark · 15/11/2022 16:42

How long have you been together? I had no idea my dp was using them every so often, until I found some and he told me the times he'd used them - it made sense. The sex lasted longer on them times, he could go round 2 etc. Have you noticed any sex sessions that seem different (better in a way)? Could be using them because he wants to give you a good time or there's guilt around not lasting long enough or not being enough. Performance anxiety is a real thing in men!

username8888 · 15/11/2022 17:05

A vasectomy won't affect his sex drive. Quite the opposite if fear of pregnancy was an issue Say nothing though

RecoveringSodokuAddict · 15/11/2022 17:17

I've been with my husband for 19 years. I found some and he tried to snatch them out my hand. I said no you tell me what it is, we don't hide things from each other. He reluctantly let me see and it was Viagra. He was mortified but I straight away jumped to - is he cheating? Never before would I have thought that. I even know he can't cheat because he doesn't have a moment spare. It was just my irrational brain. Then I said if you used them with me, which he said he did, why didn't you tell me and he said as men have delicate egos. I was upset he didn't tell me. At that time he'd put on weight and had stress on. We are ok now, he's taking more time off work and works out more. Plus I think I'm a bit kinder to him, a bit more open and aware. Looking back he just didn't want to disappoint me and can see that not telling me wasn't the best thing either. I said to him, is it because I was unattractive to you? I felt it was me, that he didn't fancy me and he said it was just he couldn't get an erection and needed a bit of help, that it wasn't me, just his body. If it was to happen again I know he'd tell me and I'd understand a bit better. He's only 40s so I can see it was because he was feeling low, not being able to look after himself.

If you had a feeling they were straying I suppose you would keep an eye on the amount used and if with you as others have said.

Pinkbonbon · 15/11/2022 19:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

mackthepony · 15/11/2022 19:14

Relieved. Make divorce easier

Pinkbonbon · 15/11/2022 19:15

Ffs, sorry my last post was wrong thread. Will report.

SomeChickensAreJustTooBig · 15/11/2022 19:24

I’d think he was some problems with erectile dysfunction.

Facecream · 15/11/2022 19:34

I’d be happy but that’s because it erm can improve things

PauliesWalnuts · 15/11/2022 19:34

I’d just think he had issues that he was trying to sort out without drawing attention to it. The male psyche can be a funny thing. I met my other half three years ago when he was 51 and I was 48 so neither of us are spring chickens or look the best we’ve ever done. He’s fit and healthy but he’s suffered from ED badly since his ex put them on a conception schedule when they struggled to conceive their second and it messed with his head like you wouldn’t believe.

We weren’t able to have penetrative sex at all for the first couple of months we were together so he bought some and tried it without telling me. I was touched that he felt it was important to try and sort out. To me it’s no different to me experiencing dryness as I get a battering from the menopause and getting out the KY jelly for a bit of a helping hand.

BrewandBiscuit · 15/11/2022 19:43

It can be see to treat some medical conditions. He may be having a few problems. Lots of men do!

Yayasisterhood · 15/11/2022 19:48

My dp got some with my knowledge to help us achieve an all nighter. It was great fun. And now he uses them most times but doesn’t inform me. It would be easy to be assume it was about me, but natural erections are not as forthcoming as they get older and actually it just takes the pressure off dp and makes sex a lot more fun.

Cuck00soup · 15/11/2022 20:16

SomeChickensAreJustTooBig · 15/11/2022 19:24

I’d think he was some problems with erectile dysfunction.

This.

Long shot he could have obtained them for you to try to improve your sex drive.

If it's the first, you need a chat. Are there any other health issues? Diabetes, obesity, stress, anxiety etc.

If it's the second, obviously you have bigger issues.

Ilovelurchers · 15/11/2022 20:21

I've had a couple of partners who have used them - just men who were getting older and wanted it as a confidence thing as much as anything. I was vaguely aware they had them but not exactly when they did or didn't use them if you see what I mean.

It's quite personal. I wouldn't mention it myself but would be open and supportive if partner bought it up.

Oh and it is no reflection on how much he fancies you. As a pp said, if he didn't fancy you they wouldn't work. They help me gain and sustain an erection when aroused. They don't just make them randomly hard.

libraryday · 15/11/2022 20:53

I found some recently and asked my husband. Why wouldn't you ask?
I didn't think cheating but had a moment of doubt and couldn't not ask.

StarlightLady · 16/11/2022 07:13

As far as I’m concerned it’s a legal recreational drug. Unlike a lot of men, he has identified a difficulty and taken practical steps to alleviate it. I hope you enjoy the benifits.

WaveyHair · 16/11/2022 07:17

Maybe it is because of ED (after vasectomy?) he has been avoiding sex.

But he recognised he had a problem and did something about it. If he did nothing you would be telling him to get viagra.

NoDatingForOldMen · 16/11/2022 07:28

I have some, I keep as a kinda “safety net” just in case things don’t work naturally, I don’t want to disappoint my partner, or have her think I don’t fancy her. ( ego as well, of course)

She suffers from dryness, so needs extra lube as well , I don’t really see that as being an different, but of us are at an age we need some extra help

aroman · 16/11/2022 07:29

Men often find it difficult to talk about these things, even with their partner/ wife. Don't take it personally. He's had a vasectomy so it's not surprising he is having some side effects.

If it were me, I probably would say something, but only to reassure him that it's fine and he doesn't need to hide it.

It's much more likely to do with the vasectomy than anything about working more hours or you putting on weight. But as with all relationship issues, the best way is to communicate.

Luckydip1 · 16/11/2022 07:33

He may have been embarrassed because he was getting ED and didn't want you to know so bought the viagra to give himself some help.

mimiphiladelphia · 16/11/2022 10:19

It would depend on where I found it. If I found it in a usual 'storage' place, like a drawer, then I would just ask him why he has viagra.
If I found it hidden under the carpet then I would hold back and become hypervigilant for a while.

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