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Original poster

Are most men like this?

54 replies

Waveafterwave14 · 15/11/2022 08:24

I have 2 autoimmune diseases. Recently got flu and it absolutely floored me. Now normally I struggle on and look after the 2 DC but I could barely stand on Saturday.
DP has football every Saturday and is gone most of the day. I asked if he could drop the DC to my mums so I could rest. He asked if I was really that bad and said he didn't have time to drop the children and got his mum to come to the house instead. Which I appreciate but the noise was incredible when my head was already pounding and youngest DC did not have a nap all day.
Yesterday DP woke me with lemsip and pills to take and told me to just "lay on the sofa all day with the 2 year old as it's no different than being in bed".
I had to repeat that I could barely stand as so dizzy and I was not able to look after DD.
DP tried to get hold of his mum again and she said she was also poorly and couldn't help out. He was then furious with me that I made him take ONE day off work to care for our child. Not me as he didn't ask if I needed anything or come up to room once all day. He told me the world can't stop just because I am ill. If he is ever poorly I would never get my mum round to look after him/kids and go off kicking a ball around.
Are men really this shitty or am I just feeling sorry for myself because I feel so ill 😢

OP posts:
youcantry · 15/11/2022 10:45

No, this is not the norm. When my children were young, if I was ill my lovely mum would look after the children (my ExH had a niche job and couldn't take time off without notice) but during the weekend, my ExH would be a dad and look after them. He used to 'have' our son most of the day at the weekend anyway as I was at the stables with our daughter. My children are adults now but I know that my DP would do the right thing and help in anyway he could.
Does your husband understand what being a dad entails ie, looking after his children?
Hope you feel better soon.

FreakyFrie · 15/11/2022 10:46

I don’t think it’s a big deal he asked his mum to look after the kids while he played football. I assume his mum is an adult and understands the risks of catching flu etc and made the choice to look after the kids anyway.

Is he self employed? Will he get paid if he doesn’t work? Did he have jobs booked in? I can understand his annoyance if he had jobs booked in and had to let people down.

or does he do a office job and can request time off anyway and he’s just being awkward?

With 2 autoimmune diseases, does he have to regularly have to take time off work to look after the kids because you can’t?

Carlycat · 15/11/2022 11:07

He sounds uncaring and selfish. I'd throw this one back

Shodan · 15/11/2022 11:25

My XH was like this.

I remember being ill one Saturday and asked him not to go and play golf. He started shouting at me, telling me how selfish I was, how he couldn't let his golf partner down- then when I insisted I wasn't able to look after ds2, phoned and woke his parents at 6 am to get them to look after ds2. The stupid man was actually proud of himself for 'resolving' my 'problem' for me.

I never even bothered asking if he'd take a day off work- impromptu days off work were solely for going to play golf dontcha know.

Reason 12 of 542 why he's an XH.

oobeedoobee · 15/11/2022 11:32

No OP, not all men are so self centered, selfish and downright ignorant !

He got angry because you needed him to care for his own kids because you were ill ? WTAF ??

Does he think you're the bloody Nanny or something ???

I'd be telling him straight that it's his responsibility to look after his kids ! It's NOT the 'women's job' ! And I'd also be telling him that from now on, if he has Saturdays as 'free time', you will be taking Sundays as your 'free time', every damn weekend !!!

Wheredoallthepensgo · 15/11/2022 11:59

Ugh. Just ugh. Misogynistic prick who sees kids as all "women's work" and you as unpaid slave.

No, not all men are like this. Some actually like their partner and kids and want to take care of them.

Wheredoallthepensgo · 15/11/2022 12:00

Oh and next time he's ill, ignore him for the whole day apart from reminding him the world can't stop just because he's ill. Arse.

WireSkills · 15/11/2022 12:13

Please make sure you breathe on him. Really, really heavily. I'd cough in his face and sneeze on him too, just to make sure he gets a really good dose of whatever you've got. Then let him comment on how ill you are.

Seriously OP, no, not all men are like this, but I think you already know you've got a bit of a twat on your hands.

QuinkWashable · 15/11/2022 12:25

I'm sure not all men are like this, but my ex was...

thenewduchessoflapland · 15/11/2022 12:28

What a twat.

Your partner is Ill so you stay home from your hobby and take care of your children.

He should have used his mum to help out on a weekday so he could have gone to work.His mum probably isn't ill but has simply wised up to his laziness.

IsThePopeCatholic · 15/11/2022 12:29

Many people on MN seem to have shitty husbands, but not all men are like this. My DH does everything if I’m ill- and I would do the same. Your DH sounds like a selfish prick. Sorry.

BigFatLiar · 15/11/2022 12:30

It's fairly normal on mumsnet. Mine is the other way, I almost have to drag him to the doctor.

BigFatLiar · 15/11/2022 12:32

Looking after the kids was however his favourite thing to do. Same with when I wasn't well I was pampered, he seems to like looking after us.

ChillysWaterBottle · 15/11/2022 12:35

Omg no most men are not like this! This is awful! I hope you're feeling better OP, and I think you need to have a serious think about the dynamics of your relationship going forward. This is not normal or good!!

Original poster
Waveafterwave14 · 15/11/2022 15:05

slowquickstep · 15/11/2022 09:01

When you are better start making Sundays as your day out. Why is he entitled to a full day away every week ?

I fully plan on doing this! Starting from this Sunday Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Waveafterwave14 · 15/11/2022 15:08

AmandaHoldensLips · 15/11/2022 10:44

Please don't tell us you wash his football kit for him.

He clearly has all the maturity and mentality of a 13 year old.

Funk no! That smelly stuff gets tossed straight back into his van 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Waveafterwave14 · 15/11/2022 15:12

FreakyFrie · 15/11/2022 10:46

I don’t think it’s a big deal he asked his mum to look after the kids while he played football. I assume his mum is an adult and understands the risks of catching flu etc and made the choice to look after the kids anyway.

Is he self employed? Will he get paid if he doesn’t work? Did he have jobs booked in? I can understand his annoyance if he had jobs booked in and had to let people down.

or does he do a office job and can request time off anyway and he’s just being awkward?

With 2 autoimmune diseases, does he have to regularly have to take time off work to look after the kids because you can’t?

He hasn't had to take time off before. He is self employed but when I had our daughter 2 years ago he went back to work 2 days after my c section and left me to it. He doesn't feel quite the same if he decides to take a day off from a hangover or just can't be bothered though so I don't think it's fair he guilt trips me for one day off work.

OP posts:
ahunf · 15/11/2022 15:13

I have suspected flu, temp aching shivers headache. Dh has been away since august with work so Ive done everything myself for the kids / house.

He came home Friday and already he's had enough and said he's going to stop at his mums.

Dd2 is ill. She's 10 but very clingy and has not left my side since Friday. I've had to sleep on her floor.

He's called me a lazy f**cker. He did do the food shop but had a go at me to put it away. My bones were hurting.

He's military so used to getting on with things but I'm bloody not.

I had some damp washing on the airer. The only place to put it is heat the kitchen table. He took everything off and I found it hours later all smelly.

I'm autistic so I revert to a child when ill. I'm pathetic but he's a nob.

Original poster
Waveafterwave14 · 15/11/2022 15:14

Wheredoallthepensgo · 15/11/2022 12:00

Oh and next time he's ill, ignore him for the whole day apart from reminding him the world can't stop just because he's ill. Arse.

I have already licked his toothbrush and await possible infection...

OP posts:
CoffeeMad18 · 15/11/2022 15:16

Brilliant 🤣

LexMitior · 15/11/2022 15:33

No they are not. Your partner is a selfish wanker.

Teaandtoast35 · 15/11/2022 16:32

My DP is like this but it’s the reason I’m leaving - he cares about himself. If he couldn’t go to the gym bc I was I’ll and he had to do childcare, it would be his own hurt feelings that would be the topic of (explosive, irritable) conversation.

Quiegal · 15/11/2022 18:55

Some men definitely can be like this.

Some always think your not as bad as you seem to them.

It's not very nice at all.

Runmybathforme · 15/11/2022 19:24

YouAreNotBatman · 15/11/2022 09:09

Sadly, most of them seem to be this way.
or horrible in some other way…

No they're not.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/11/2022 22:00

I think the shitty men are like this. Nobody I know though. I was ill recently and spent the whole time in bed while my husband looked after the kids whilst wfh, ran around taking them to activities, cooked their dinner, put them to bed etc. Partly because we didnt want them to get ill, but mostly that's what a partnership is, picking up the slack when your partner cant. Otherwise it's just two people looking after themselves. I remember my dad looking after me and my sibling when my mum was ill when we were little as well

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