Found out husband cheating after moving abroadroad f

[Youmeplus3]

I've just moved abroad for my husbands job and our 3 kids.

I've found out tonight he has been cheating on me.

What do I do.

He started the relationship a month before we left apparently.

My Mum and Dad died 3 weeks apart 18 months ago and I'm still I a really bad place. I don't think I can go on.

Update - I now have the passports and am taking legal advice.

I just don't know what to do.

I have told his Mum but just said we'll you're both adults and you need to sort it out, and how she is worried about the children!

Civilian posting (linked to military)

I'd see what the legal advice is first. Head says if the advice says you can move home I'd do that asap. If you stay and try to get through this you could end up trapped there until he's ready to move home. You've also got no support where you are and living in a foreign nation, it's really not a situation you want to be stuck in. Could he get out of the posting? Ideally you all moving back to UK , not necessarily together, would probably be best for DC. He could chose to do that. I'm sorry you're going through this, the cheating is bad enough but moving you all overseas when he's doing that is really entitled shitty behaviour.

Easy then, you can go through the welfare service and they can book the flights to get you home.

Hi OP, I'm really sorry your H has been such a shit. It's a big thing moving abroad, leaving your support network on top of dealing with grief - you poor thing. How dare he.

Great that you're getting legal advice, hope it is useful and gives you all the answers you need. It comes down to deciding whether to stay or go.

I'm also in Munich, have a toddler at home with me all day too, as well as big ones in school. If you want someone meet up and to chat to, I'm nice 😊

One day at a time, there are lots of knowledgeable people on mumsnet, do keep posting if it helps xx

Welfare don’t always technically have to help but if you want to go home with the kids they will almost always make it happen.

@Youmeplus3, I’m so glad that you’ve retrieved the passports and are seeking legal advice.

You now know that your H is capable of much cruelty and deception. He’s not a safe, trustworthy partner or a good father.

I sincerely hope you and the children are able to move back to the UK and your supportive loved ones.

What an awful situation.

Glad you've got passports and are getting legal advice.

I wouldn't have told his mum if it was me. What a horrible situation your in and sorry about the loss of your parents.

When I was going through an international move the legal advice was that if my ex kicked up a fuss in the first 12 months after I moved overseas the children would automatically be returned to the UK and I would have to fight it in the courts there. Once the 12 months pass then they would remain with me in Australia and he would have to fight it here.

As it was he was happy for me to move and signed a letter giving me permission, but he could still have changed his mind in that first 12 months. The 12 months normal residency is key to where the children reside while it goes to court. Now if he were to kick off about it he would have to apply to the Australian courts rather than UK.

That is why I said about the 12 months being key in The Hague Convention. If you head back to the UK, and your husband were to fight for them to be returned they shouldn't be automatically returned to Germany as they have not been resident there for 12 months. They would stay in the UK and the UK courts would hear the case. And the resident country is generally less likely to allow children to leave their jurisdiction away from the court's protection.

Glad you are getting advice.

What you should do is leave. You can't be on a posting with someone so untrustworthy. It won't work. It's a life that requires a strong relationship and for partners to have each others' best interests at heart.